AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a quiet Tuesday evening, the hum of an elliptical filling a sleek apartment, where a woman steels herself for a tough talk with her fiancé. What began as a heated Reddit post about splitting bills 50/50 has spiraled into a shocking revelation of secret debt and betrayal, shaking the foundation of their engagement. Her world, once filled with wedding plans, now teeters on uncertainty as they face a financial mess together.

This Reddit saga, buzzing with raw emotion and tough choices, pulls readers into a whirlwind of love tested by hidden truths. The woman’s resolve to confront her fiancé, paired with his tearful confession, paints a vivid picture of a couple at a crossroads. It’s a story that echoes the struggles of anyone blindsided by a partner’s secrets, making it impossible not to dive deeper.

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‘AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes?’

My (26F) fiancé (26M) sat me down yesterday and gave me a long talk about how he feels like I don't contribute enough to the household, particularly in the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard by this, but was willing to hear him out, since he wasn't wrong.

He makes a lot more than I do, and we've always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about 80% him. I asked what he wanted me to pay now, and he was adamant about it being 50/50. I asked if everything was okay with his job, or if he needed to take fewer hours, and he wouldn't answer me.

I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over and over, every time I asked what brought him to this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said 'this is how it's going to be, take it or leave it.'

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Those exact words, in response to literally everything I said. Full shutdown. No explanations. I told him that was fine I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a zillow account yet, or expected me to. He looked confused, and asked why we would need a zillow account.

I explained that there's no way I can afford half rent on our current place, so we'll probably have to move into a one-bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked why I didn't have savings. I told him that I do, but I'm not paying rent out of my savings, because that's a terrible and unsustainable idea.

I also began to go over what our new food budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd probably have to sell the cars and get one less expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments on an Audi and a Land Rover.

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Then I explained that date nights would probably have to be reduced too, and we could still do, like Buffalo Wild Wings or something, but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me to pay half, we're living within my means, not his anymore.

He kind of agreed to it, but since then, he's been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud of pissed-off. I sent him six zillow listings, all of which he's called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of which I think were valid, others I disagree with.

He's now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that he tried to come to me with a serious concern about our relationship and I'm making it impossible for him to talk to me, and bulldozing over him.

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Love can weather storms, but secret debt is a hurricane. The woman’s discovery of her fiancé’s hidden financial chaos—credit card debt, cars nearing repossession, and skipped medication—flipped their engagement upside down. Her fiancé’s initial “gold digger” jab and emotional breakdown reveal a mix of shame and desperation, while her decision to stay reflects hope tangled with caution.

The fiancé’s actions, though misguided, stem from pressure to maintain a flashy lifestyle. Calling her a gold digger was a defensive reflex, but hiding debt was a deeper betrayal. As financial therapist Megan McCoy explains, “Financial infidelity can erode trust as much as emotional betrayal” . His choice to skip psychiatric medication to cut costs signals a dangerous spiral, prioritizing appearances over health.

This reflects a wider issue: financial stress fractures relationships. A 2022 survey by the American Psychological Association found 65% of couples cite money as a significant source of conflict . The couple’s plan to sell cars and downsize is a start, but rebuilding trust requires transparency. Regular budget check-ins and professional help, like a financial planner, can guide them.

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For now, the woman’s commitment shows strength, but boundaries are key. Couples therapy and open financial discussions can pave the way. Seeking professional support, like debt counseling , can offer practical steps. Staying vigilant about credit, as Reddit suggests, protects her future while they navigate this together.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s community didn’t hold back, offering a blend of concern and tough love. Many urged the woman to protect herself, emphasizing the fiancé’s financial betrayal and reckless choices, like skipping medication, as red flags. They stressed the need for transparency, warning that his secrecy could repeat, potentially dragging her deeper into debt or emotional turmoil.

Others expressed empathy for her loyalty, acknowledging the pain of seeing a loved one struggle. Yet, they cautioned against romanticizing his sacrifices, like forgoing meds, viewing it as irresponsible rather than noble. The consensus leaned toward vigilance—monitor credit, seek professional help, and weigh the relationship’s long-term viability—reflecting a collective hope for her to prioritize her well-being.

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Massive_Length_400 − Watch your credit like a hawk home slice

YomiKuzuki − While I understand that you want to make it work, there are a few things of note; It's absolutely *critical* to know exactly how the debt got that deep. It's not at all acceptable that he's been cutting corners on psychiatric medication. He was going to point the finger at you being in the wrong until you brought up leaving.

His choices have left you both in debt. How much of an effort is he willing to make to help you both claw out?. You really need to take a hard look at this relatjonship, and how your future will look in it.

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[Reddit User] − So, something very similar happened to me. I took him back. He ended up just getting into more secret debt, getting another chick pregnant and maxing out a credit cards in my name. It cost me tens of thousands of dollars and almost a decade to pay off. People very rarely change for the better. I’ll never get my youth back, or my money. Please be careful.

mustang19671967 − I don’t think I could get past the financial betrayal . Now instead of enjoying this time in life. Your swimming in shark infested waters and if you get this cleaned up he can put you right back in before you know it. Good luck but go to talk to someone . Therapist financial. Planner etc

No_Secretary_4743 − Someone 'going off their psych meds for you' is not romantic or sweet. It's extremely concerning. Going off meds that are needed to try and pay for fancy things you don't need, is not a good partner. It's irresponsible.. I sincerely hope you can recognise that OP and get your partner the help he so desperately needs.

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queenCANTread − Yeah, no thanks. So he makes a mess, throws any semblance of responsible priorities out the window, including his PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATION? Then proceeds to essentially pin it on you, his partner, including belittling your entire motives in the relationship?. Please, just run. Value yourself more than that.

BlueMoonOfUranus − Gambling and d**g addictions could still be in play.

that_talula_rouge − It's really worrying that his go-to for this series of events was to decide you are a gold digger. Finances can be challenging, often fixable. Blaming others to distract from an issue? That's a mindset that is not so easily fixed.

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CaptainBFF − Guy with negative net worth calls gf “gold digger!” Lmao

katatak121 − the guy I love, who went off his meds to try and make a good life for me I'm seriously struggling to understand how somebody going off their psychiatric medication, the meds the keep them functional, is related to trying to make a good life with someone. It looks like he went off them to try and cover up his over-spending, not for you.

Hopefully it works out for you two, but between the lying, the over-spending, the manipulation, and going off his meds to try and hide his financial situation, I'm seeing a lot of red flags. Be careful if you plan on having children with this man.

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This Reddit tale lays bare the chaos of hidden debt and the resilience of love under strain. The woman’s choice to confront her fiancé and explore solutions shows courage, but the road ahead demands trust and tough changes.

It’s a stark reminder that relationships thrive on honesty, not secrets. Have you faced a partner’s financial betrayal or fought to rebuild trust? Share your stories below—let’s keep the conversation going.

The author has updated the information for the article below:

Hi everyone! This got way bigger than intended, so I figured a follow-up was owed. So, last time I posted was Monday. Monday as a whole was spent just sorting through what I felt, and what to do next. There was a lot of silence and a lot of anger, and a LOT of reddit advice, some of which I found very insightful, some of which was less so.

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Also some people think I made this up as part of a viral marketing sponsorship between buffalo wild wings, audi, and zillow, which honestly would solve the money problems if true, but alas, is not the case.

On Tuesday, after I got home from work, I sort of just walked up to him on the elliptical and explained as calmly as I could that I had questions, and if he actually wanted to marry me, he needed to be willing to answer them.

I asked if he thought I was a gold digger, yes or no. He said yes. I told him that I wasn't willing to be in a relationship where I have to prove myself by sacrificing any sort of stability, and that led to a bit of a screaming match, and eventually, a confession.

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So it turns out we cannot afford anything we have right now. We are in serious credit card debt, the cars are both on the verge of being repossessed, and I did not know about any of this. He's been cutting corners on actual necessities, including psychiatric medication.

That in combination with some comments from his family led him to some pretty dark places. My fiancé had a full breakdown and apologized for calling me a gold digger, which was nice to hear, but this whole thing had me pretty shaken up. I went to stay with a friend for a little bit.

Yesterday, my fiancé and I did in fact go out to BWW and get the two for one boneless. We talked, a lot. I'm still writing fiancé for now, and I really hope we can work through all of this. We talked about how to sell the cars-- we don't particularly have a choice at this point-- and about my income, his income, and the sort of life we want to have.

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If we do stay together, we'll be changing how we live a lot. We need to get out of debt, we need to get on our feet. I know some people are gonna say I'm being dumb for not immediately dropping all contact and giving up on the relationship, but I can't do that.

I can't look at the guy I love, who went off his meds to try and make a good life for me, and think he's not worth sticking around for, at least to try. I don't know what the future looks like at all anymore though, and the wedding is very postponed at the moment. Sorry this wasn't a more fun update.

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