AITAH for telling my dad to never contact me again after he chose his wife’s mom over me?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

A 17-year-old girl stands in an empty house, her heart racing with visions of a room she’d decorate with fairy lights and posters, a fresh start with her dad after years apart. But the tour takes a gut-wrenching turn when he reveals the room isn’t hers—it’s for his wife’s mother, and she’s relegated to a couch. The sting of betrayal cuts deep, shattering her hopes.

Her decision to cut her dad out of her life, fueled by years of neglect and this final broken promise, unleashes a storm of family drama. His relatives bombard her and her mom with harsh words, while her dad pleads for reconciliation. Readers are drawn into the fray: was she right to slam the door on him, or should she give him a chance? The emotional clash demands a verdict.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITAH for telling my dad to never contact me again after he chose his wife’s mom over me?’

This teen poured her heart out on Reddit, sharing the pain of her dad’s betrayal and her choice to go no-contact. Here’s her original post, unpacking the family turmoil.

Hi everyone, I (17F) am only really posting this since my dad’s family and even my mom are telling me that I’m in the wrong. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and they had 50/50 custody so I would stay with my dad for a week then my mom.

When I was 14 my dad got married to my stepmom (I refer to her as his wife) and I would only see them on the weekends until they moved and I only saw them whenever they visited (my mom got full custody)

ADVERTISEMENT

Anyways last month they moved back to our city and got a 2 bedroom house, my dad had promised me the room before he moved back and told me he could do 50/50 again if me and my mom were okay with it and we were. I was so excited and even picked out furniture and bought stuff to decorate it.

Anyways they move into the house and invite me, they give me a tour and show me my “room”, I asked when I could start putting things in it and that’s when they told me that they were actually going to give the room to his wife’s mom, and since I was going away to college soon, it wasn’t like I was going to use the room much.

They also told me that instead of staying the full week that I can go on the weekends and sleep on their couch if I wanted to. I said no to that and texted my mom to pick me up. It’s been a month and I ghosted my dad fully, he even came to try to talk to me but I was at school, he’s been contacting my mom too which he hates doing.

ADVERTISEMENT

So I just decided that I didn’t want to be in his life anymore or have him in mine, even though I barely did. I talked to my mom and for someone who hates my dad, she told me that I should just talk to him and spend time with him since I barely got to for 2 years.

I just decided to cut him off, it sounds impulsive I know but I sent him a long message detailing how emotionally neglected and unwanted he made me feel and to never contact me again. I blocked him and blocked his side of the family.

In the morning my mom woke me up at 5am and asked what I did, almost my dads entire family have been blowing up her phone asking what she said/did that made me want to cut off my dad. During school I even got a few messages from my cousins on insta that I forgot to block insulting me.

ADVERTISEMENT

My mom showed me some of the messages and some are insulting both of us. My dad even sent a message apologizing to me and said I broke his heart, his wife is sending disgusting messages towards my mom. I feel awful because I didn’t expect them to attack not only me but my mom, harshly at that. I feel like I messed up and want to know if what I did was the right thing..

SMALL UPDATE: My mom talked to my dad and set up a time to talk tomorrow after school, my mom’s making me talk to him and reconcile but I really don’t want to. I’m trying to convince her not to force me to go but she’s threatening to take away my phone/laptop that I need for school and other things. I’ll update you guys tomorrow.

Family promises carry weight, and this dad’s broken vow crushed his daughter’s trust. The 17-year-old expected a room and shared custody, only to learn her dad prioritized his wife’s mother, offering her a couch instead. Her choice to cut contact reflects years of feeling sidelined, while his family’s harassment and his wife’s attacks escalate the pain.

ADVERTISEMENT

This situation highlights the impact of parental neglect in blended families. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that perceived favoritism in stepfamilies can erode trust, especially for teens. The dad’s failure to communicate or prioritize his daughter deepened her sense of abandonment.

Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Rebuilding trust after neglect requires accountability, not defensiveness”. His insight suggests the dad must own his missteps, not shift blame. The teen’s boundaries are valid, but a mediated talk might clarify her feelings.

She could document the harassment for protection and seek counseling to process her grief. Her dad should stop his family’s attacks.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit jumped into this family saga with takes as fiery as a teenager’s resolve. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, laced with humor—because even family feuds need a chuckle.

PresentDuck4273 − Unblock him temporarily to let him know that his family and wife harassing you and your mom is exactly why you want no contact with any of them. He continues to take no accountability for his own actions and blame you and your mom instead.

Tell him your mom is against your decision, but his family’s attack has reassured you that you made the right decision. I would even send screenshots of messages. Ask him to call off his family and n**ty wife.

ADVERTISEMENT

That for now you stand by your decision and that maybe in the future you will change your mind, but if it continues it will only drive you further from him. . At that point you can either leave him unblocked to get a response or re-block. 

runiechica − NTA you feel how you feel and that’s ok. Your dad did betray you and expected you to just accept it. And even if something had to change the way they told you was awful.

PersonalY − As a minor, those messages might be enough to show harassment and might be worth notification to CPS/police to get the harassment to stop. A bully will usually stop if someone with some authority makes it uncomfortable for them. CPS is a big stick. Especially if they have other kiddos .

ADVERTISEMENT

Sparkig1rl − This is not ok, you're NTA. Your dad took away your room to give to his wife's mother and then said you can sleep on the couch? WTF, how often does her mom visit?He barely saw you or made any effort why keep emotionally damaging yourself?

I'd tell his family well he chose his wife over me years ago I guess I shouldn't be surprised he chose her mother over me too, I decided I don't deserve to be treated as an old sweater only useful when he needs me.

jl9091 − NTA. You get to make the decision about who you want in your life. You're not wrong for being upset the situation changed from 'you can have your own room' to 'you can sleep on the couch,' they didn't warn you ahead of time, and it is obvious they planned it that way for a while.. I'm sorry your father doesn't ever put you first.

ADVERTISEMENT

Boggers111 − Your dad chose his wife’s mum over you. That was his choice and you chose to block your so called father.. He chose an almost stranger over his own flesh and blood. F**k him and his wife.. NTA.

ConsciousIncome316 − NTA for your feelings. As a mom I understand where your mom is coming from. She just doesn’t want you to regret going no contact with your dad. But with what you are saying he really is a POS. She should have never got your hopes up just to crush them like that. I’m sorry he did that to you.

I hope he doesn’t know what his family and his wife are saying to you and your mom because if he does and hasn’t put a stop to it then he is a bigger POS then I thought. My advice to you is stay with your mom and if he had no idea and stops the harassment to you and your mom maybe go low contact with him. Until he can prove himself to you. I’m sorry he is doing this to you but best wishes and stay strong.

ADVERTISEMENT

biteme717 − Tell them ALL to accept your decision just like you had to when he moved away and neglected you and forgot that he had a daughter. I would also tell them that you are tired of broken promises and reduced to sleeping on a couch and aren't important enough for your dad to sleep in a bed.

I would also tell everyone that their hateful messages to you and your mom just proved that they don't care about or love you or respect you enough to calmly talk about this like adults. I've made my decision that is best for me, and since I am leaving for college soon, this decision shouldn't affect my dad, his wife, or his family members.

If you don't have anything nice to say to me, then don't talk to me and stay away from me, as I will block you. Definitely NTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

curiousity60 − NTA. Your dad has not prioritized his being a parent to you since he remarried. Now that he's moved closer and promised you a place in his home, he suddenly reneged. He promised you 50/50 time with both parents. Then downgraded to 'you can visit occasionally and sleep on the couch.' Your feelings of betrayal and of being devalued are valid and grounded in reality.

His designating the only other bedroom to his MIL is secondary, though also painful. He has a duty of care for you as a parent that he has neglected and abdicated to your mom, who has consistently cared for you. He is a selfish deceitful man and a neglectful bad parent. It's not just that he gave away your space in his home to MIL. It's that this is the most recent in a history of n**lect and absence.

Radical_Yue − NTA. Your dad made a big, grand promise and built up your hopes after dipping out of your life for years. The fact that he invited you over under false pretenses to see 'your' room only to then find out it's not only *not* yours but you'd only be welcome to the couch when visiting is cruel and twisted.

ADVERTISEMENT

It's one thing for plans to change, that happens. But how you communicate changes to all parties involved really matters and makes the difference. He's clearly not even trying to see how what you've been through can be seen as emotionally traumatic. This has been a long time coming, and this final blow to your relationship.

He is responsible for this, not you. His family yelling at you for how *he made you feel* just goes to show how little they've actually considered your feelings. You were hurt, and I'm sorry for that. I hope you're able to weather this storm because this wasn't a rash, sudden decision. This was a decision made after years of n**lect culminating in this result.. Hang in there.

These Reddit gems are bold, but do they capture the full story? Was the teen justified in cutting ties, or should she reconsider for her dad’s sake?

ADVERTISEMENT

This teen’s story is a raw portrait of broken promises and family loyalty tested by neglect. Her choice to cut off her dad, after he chose his wife’s mother over her, resonates with hurt and strength, even as his family’s backlash targets her and her mom. Reddit cheers her stand, but the looming talk with her dad raises questions: can trust be rebuilt? What would you do when family lets you down like this? Share your stories and join the debate!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *