AITAH for refusing to watch my kids on the anniversary my ex cheated on me?

What happens when your ex asks you to watch the kids so he can celebrate the exact anniversary of the day he cheated on you and destroyed your marriage? For one 32-year-old mom, the request felt like a slap in the face. After 14 years together and 11 years of marriage, his infidelity was her absolute dealbreaker. The divorce turned ugly with malicious acts, including a felony he committed against her, but she chose not to press charges for the sake of their children.

Last year she already explained why the date was off-limits, yet he asked again this year. He wants to take a trip for his two-year “anniversary” with the other woman and expects her to step in—even though he has the kids far less than she does. She said no, holding a firm boundary out of self-respect, and now he thinks she should just get over it.

‘AITAH for refusing to watch my kids on the anniversary my ex cheated on me?’

The post opens with the history of the marriage, the cheating, and the difficult divorce.

The edit provides more details about custody, the children’s safety, and the traumatic events during the breakup.

The core conflict centers on a painful anniversary tied to betrayal and trauma. The ex-husband wants to celebrate two years with the person he cheated with, while asking his former wife to handle childcare on his parenting days. She refuses, viewing the request as deeply disrespectful given the history of infidelity, abuse, and sabotage during the divorce. The disagreement escalated because he believes she should move on, while she sees the boundary as essential to her self-worth.

The mother feels protective of her emotional well-being after years of hurt. She handles the majority of childcare and accommodates extra time without issue—except on this specific date. The father appears frustrated by the lack of support, possibly minimizing the impact of his past actions. The children remain unaware and unharmed, with both parents affirming their love for them.

Relationship expert Dr. Shirley Glass, in her book “Not ‘Just Friends'” (2003), wrote that “after infidelity, the betrayed partner often needs ongoing validation that the pain is respected, not dismissed.” Here, the ex’s insistence on celebrating the betrayal date and expecting help ignores that validation, which reinforces the mother’s need to hold firm.

Practical steps include clear, written communication through the parenting app restating the boundary once. She could also document repeated requests for potential future custody adjustments. Small acts of self-care on that date—such as a quiet day for herself—can reinforce healing without involving the children.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The social media community responded with overwhelming support for the mother, calling the request outrageous and selfish. Nearly everyone agreed she was right to refuse.

Most readers expressed strong anger toward the ex and full support for her boundary:

Many more highlighted the entitlement and suggested practical responses:

A few raised concerns about safety and past behavior, still supporting her refusal:

This situation underscores how infidelity can leave permanent scars that don’t fade on someone else’s timeline. The mother isn’t punishing anyone—she’s protecting her dignity on a date that marks profound betrayal and trauma. By refusing to enable the celebration, she honors her own healing while still prioritizing the children the rest of the time.

The key takeaway is that boundaries after deep hurt are not revenge; they’re self-care. No one owes help to make an ex’s affair anniversary easier. If your ex asked you to babysit so he could celebrate the day he cheated, would you say yes to keep peace? Or would you hold the line, even if it meant he had to adjust his plans? How do you balance self-respect with co-parenting?