AITAH for refusing to ‘pay back’ my dad for taking me to medical appointments as a kid?
A 24-year-old woman just received an itemized “bill” from her own father—detailing every specialist visit and medication he paid for during her childhood, now demanding repayment since she’s working full-time.
But behind the cold numbers lie years of him doubting her illnesses, refusing to drive her to appointments, confiscating her meds, and even making her pay for groceries as a teen. After going no-contact for four years, his sudden financial claim arrives what’s owed in parenting, duty or dollars?
‘AITAH for refusing to ‘pay back’ my dad for taking me to medical appointments as a kid?’
It all stems from a childhood marked by serious health issues requiring constant care:
Her father consistently downplayed and resented the needs:
From age 16, he forced her to pay her own way:
The abuse extended beyond finances:
Leaving brought more loss:
Now, he’s resurfaced with a demand:
This isn’t just a financial dispute—it’s a profound failure of parental duty. Doubting a child’s illness, withholding treatment, and confiscating medication constitute emotional abuse and potential neglect under child protection laws in many jurisdictions.
The World Health Organization (WHO) affirms parents’ legal and moral obligation to provide medical care for minors. No jurisdiction recognizes “child-rearing bills” reclaimable in adulthood. Forcing a minor to pay for essentials could even be seen as exploitation.
Family psychologist Dr. John Gottman highlights that children raised in environments questioning their health often carry long-term trauma, like anxiety or trust issues. The OP’s panic attacks upon mention of her father signal likely mild PTSD from chronic abuse.
Practical steps: Maintain no-contact for mental health. If he persists, document for a restraining order. Consider therapy to heal old wounds. The OP owes him nothing—rather, he owes her a sincere apology.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Social media erupted in outrage over the post, unanimously calling the father abhorrent and urging permanent no-contact.
Many stressed parenting isn’t a loan:
Others suggested legal pushback or counter-claims:
Some highlighted the abuse and urged protection:
The OP is unequivocally right to refuse “repaying” her father for childhood medical care it’s a parent’s fundamental duty, not a loan. His demand is merely an extension of years of emotional abuse, and maintaining no-contact is the healthiest choice.
What do you think—can “raising a child” ever be treated as a financial transaction, or should parental love, especially amid health struggles, remain unconditional?
