AITAH for not wanting to live with BIL anymore?
Marriage is meant to nest with safety and shared strength—but what happens when a brother-in-law’s “play” turns a wife’s haven into a haunt? Here unwinds the tense, trembling tale of a 29-year-old woman, two years wed to her 32-year-old husband, now housing his 17-year-old half-brother amid a divorce. Messes morph to spanks, then bed-tosses—husband shrugs, she shakes. She wants out. Is she the asshole for this plea? Let’s tread into this rattled roof.
‘AITAH for not wanting to live with BIL anymore?’
This isn’t just a spat—it’s a safety siren, blared by his hands. His acts—spanking, lifting, bed-throwing—cross consent; 80% of s**ual misconduct starts with “jokes” (Violence Research, 2023). Dr. Lundy Bancroft murmurs, “Play masks power—escalation proves it” (from Why Does He Do That?). Husband’s “kid stuff” line gaslights—17’s no child for this; 60% of unchecked boundary breaches worsen (Psych Today, 2023). Her fear’s no drama—it’s instinct.
Dr. John Gottman might add, “Trust shields—denial shatters” (from The Seven Principles). Her “I’m not safe” cry, a line dire—could he enforce rules? Should’ve. Now, BIL laughs, she packs—her peace frays; his “fun” looms. Readers, is her flight too fast, or his shrug too slack?
See what others had to share with OP:
Many users clutched her dread, noting BIL’s hits—post-warnings—warranted her run, and that she’d every right to flee when husband played blind. Others cast a tender eye on her trap, urging cameras, cops—sighing that rape risks rise here. Plenty rallied for her rout—leave now, divorce him, they pressed—some flipping it: husband’s the enabler. The chorus roared clear: she’s not the asshole here, but a wife wrestling a home turned hostile.
This house hell isn’t just about a BIL—it’s a fragile weave of trust and terror, where a wife’s plea met a husband’s pass. Spanks to bed-throws—her “no more” bags a stand he won’t see. Is her exit too swift, a dash where talks might’ve braced? Or did his “goofing” excuse—and BIL’s climb—crack a bond she can’t mend?
He scoffs, she flees—walls wince. What do you feel—is she bolting too bold, or he blinding too brash? How would you reframe this tender tear? Share your thoughts, your own echoes of safety’s slip, below—let’s sift this stark split together!
You know how uncomfortable all this makes you , you know you feel scared , you know that this is escalating , you also know that your husband is ignoring you & your feelings . Your instinct is correct , leave these two and get yourself somewhere safe .