AITAH for not telling my fiancée that my late partner was a man?
Imagine proposing to someone, dreaming of forever, only to stumble across an old Instagram that flips your world upside down. One Redditor (29M) is facing this mess: his fiancée (31F) just learned his late fiancé was a man—four years after his death and months before their wedding. He’s kept that chapter locked tight, but now she’s crying trust issues, and he’s wondering if he’s the jerk. Was this a harmless omission or a red flag waving in silence? Let’s unpack the heartbreak.
Our guy’s a widower, still carrying his soulmate—a stubborn, movie-loving homebody who shaped him through love and loss. Therapy’s his lifeline, but he’s mute on the topic otherwise, even with his bride-to-be. She knew he’d lost someone, knew he’s bisexual, but the “he” part? Total shock. Now she’s reeling, he’s grieving anew, and Reddit’s got thoughts. Is this about gender, trust, or a man not ready to move on? Scroll down for the raw scoop!
‘AITAH for not telling my fiancée that my late partner was a man?’
This love-and-loss tale’s a tearjerker—dive in!
Losing a soulmate at 25 is a gut punch that echoes—our Redditor’s proof. He’s built a shrine of habits around his late fiancé, from chasing scary dreams to cozy bed days, but he’s zipped his lips to his current fiancée. She’s not wrong to feel blindsided—finding out via dusty Instagram pics isn’t how you prep for “I do.” His “gender doesn’t matter” line? Fair, but it’s the silence that stings.
He’s not hiding a fling; he’s guarding a wound. Grief’s a beast—a 2022 Grief Recovery Institute study says 70% of widowers struggle to share past loves with new partners, fearing judgment or pain. His bisexuality’s out, so this isn’t about shame—it’s about control. By dodging pronouns, he’s kept his late fiancé a ghost, not a person. That’s his shield, but it’s her wall. Therapist Dr. Esther Perel nails it: “Intimacy demands vulnerability—secrets erode it” (source). She’s not mad he loved a man; she’s hurt he didn’t trust her with it.
Is he the bad guy? Softly, yeah. Not for the “he” part, but for boxing her out of a core piece of him—especially pre-marriage. He’s not ready if “before” still trumps “now”—that “I long for” slip says it loud. She’s got a right to know who she’s hitching to, soulmate shadow and all. Therapy’s a start, but he needs to crack that silence before the aisle. Readers, your take: is this a trust fumble or a grief pass?
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit’s weighing in, and it’s deeper than a therapy couch—check it!
Are these gems wisdom or just armchair shrinks?
From a silent widower to a stunned fiancée, this Redditor’s past crashed his present—leaving a wedding in limbo. Was skipping the “he” a fair grief shield, or did it shortchange her trust? How’d you bridge a late love to a new one? Spill your heart below—we’re listening!
