AITAH for Not Serving as Much Food as I Know My Dinner Guests Will Want to Eat?
A 34-year-old event planner, renowned among her friends for her generous hospitality and her ability to host memorable gatherings, now faces a dilemma that challenges both her personal values and her financial limits. In her monthly dinner gatherings—alternating between her home and a friend named Joan’s—she has always prided herself on ensuring that nobody leaves hungry.
However, a recurring issue with one particular guest has pushed her to reconsider her approach. When her friend Polly’s girlfriend, Melissa—who weighs between 500–600 lbs—consistently takes much more food than intended, leaving her hosts scrambling to cover costs, she now wonders if serving less than the expected portions makes her an a**hole, or if it’s a necessary boundary to protect her resources.
‘AITAH for Not Serving as Much Food as I Know My Dinner Guests Will Want to Eat?’
The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!
Experts in event planning and family dynamics stress that establishing clear boundaries around food service is essential to both financial sustainability and guest satisfaction. Dr. Elaine Roberts, an event planning consultant with extensive experience managing large family gatherings, explains, “When a host sets a specific menu and budget, it’s vital for everyone to adhere to that plan. If a guest consistently takes more than their fair share, it not only disrupts the balance of the meal but also places an unfair financial burden on the host.”
Dr. Roberts adds, “The solution lies in clear communication. Hosts should clearly state what will be served and, if necessary, use strategies such as pre-plating to ensure everyone receives an equal share. This isn’t about shaming anyone; it’s about maintaining control of the event and ensuring that all guests are treated equitably.”
Family counselor Sarah Thompson notes, “It’s understandable for a host to feel frustrated when repeated instances of overindulgence occur, especially if it forces them to make last-minute adjustments that strain their resources. The key is to establish agreed-upon boundaries before the event and, if necessary, to remind guests of these expectations in a polite, yet firm manner. In this scenario, if Melissa has a habit of consuming far more than her share, the host is well within her rights to either adjust the menu or insist on a pre-plated service to avoid future issues.”
Heres what people had to say to OP:
The Reddit community has largely sided with the event planner’s perspective. Many commenters have expressed that if a guest repeatedly takes more than what is allocated, the host is justified in setting limits to protect both the integrity of the event and her budget. One user stated, “NTA – you’re not a charity; you’re a host with a budget.
If Melissa consistently eats too much, you’re within your rights to adjust portions or say, ‘that’s all there is’.” Others pointed out that clear communication and pre-plating can resolve these issues without coming off as stingy. A few voices, however, advised that a more diplomatic approach might help preserve family harmony—suggesting that Melissa could be gently reminded of portion sizes or even encouraged to eat before arriving. Overall, the consensus is that the host’s concerns are valid and that she should not be forced to cover unexpected excesses at her own expense.
In conclusion, this case revolves around the difficult balance between generous hospitality and the practical limitations of a fixed budget. The event planner’s experience—where one guest’s overindulgence upends the carefully planned meal—raises the important question: Is it reasonable to set strict limits on serving sizes, even if it means not satisfying the excessive appetites of a few guests?
While some believe that hosts should always accommodate guests, many argue that there is a point where boundaries must be set to protect the host’s resources and ensure fairness to all attendees. What do you think—should a host be expected to absorb the cost of a guest’s greed, or is it fair to enforce limits when th
