AITAH for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to?
Two weeks ago, a longstanding friendship was rekindled when a woman was invited to a baby shower hosted by an old friend who had recently returned to town. The event, which promised to be a small, intimate gathering, had the woman excitedly prepare to contribute by cooking a variety of Filipino dishes.
She organized her day meticulously—arranging childcare, shopping for ingredients, and dedicating an entire day to cooking a feast that included lumpia, pancit, chicken adobo, and a well-thought-out grazing table. Her commitment was clear: she volunteered her culinary skills as part of the celebration she was warmly invited to attend.
However, the celebration took an unexpected turn. The night before the baby shower, she received a direct message informing her that due to “hard decisions” being made, she was no longer invited. Despite this sudden uninvitation, the host still expected her to deliver the food. Faced with the dilemma of driving 75 minutes to drop off a meal for an event she was now excluded from, she decided that the food she had lovingly prepared would remain undistributed. This decision sparked a heated discussion among friends and online commentators.
‘AITAH for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to?’
When commitments change unexpectedly, it can create an ethical and logistical quagmire. In this case, the dedicated cook’s decision not to deliver the food is rooted in a fundamental principle: agreements must be mutually honored. Culinary expert José Andrés once remarked, “Food is not just sustenance; it is a means to connect people and share joy.” His insight highlights that the act of cooking should foster community and celebration, not be exploited when the foundational terms of participation are altered ().
From a broader perspective, the incident underscores the importance of clear communication in informal arrangements. When an organizer uninvites a contributor yet expects the prearranged services to continue, it not only undermines trust but also places an unfair burden on the volunteer.
Experts advise that even in casual settings, written or clearly agreed-upon terms can help protect all parties involved. The decision not to deliver the food, in this case, becomes a stand for respecting personal effort and time, which should only be valued when commitments remain intact.
This situation also raises questions about the ethics of using someone’s goodwill for personal gain. The volunteer had already coordinated logistics, purchased ingredients, and rearranged her schedule—a process that involved both emotional and financial investment. When those contributions are taken for granted, it not only devalues her effort but also sets a dangerous precedent for future engagements. Maintaining clear boundaries and ensuring mutual respect is essential for sustaining healthy personal and professional relationships.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Commenters widely supported the cook’s decision, expressing disbelief over the host’s last-minute change of plans. Many noted that expecting free catering after uninviting a committed contributor is both unreasonable and disrespectful. The consensus was clear: if one is uninvited, it is perfectly acceptable to withhold services, especially when significant effort and expense have already been invested.
In conclusion, the scenario of an uninvited volunteer-caterer raises important questions about respect, commitment, and the value of one’s time and resources. The incident serves as a reminder that mutual agreement and clear communication are crucial in any collaborative effort. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments to keep this important discussion going.
