AITAH for not attending my little sister’s engagement party because of how my mom and her treat me and my husband?

What would you do if your family expected you to travel cross-country for a big event right after giving birth and moving — especially after they treated you poorly during one of the hardest times of your life? A new mom is facing pressure to attend her younger sister’s engagement party just a week after relocating to a new state with her infant and husband. The timing already makes it challenging, but deeper issues make the decision even tougher.

During her pregnancy and postpartum, she endured ongoing drama, disrespectful comments about her husband and marriage, and cold, unhelpful behavior from her mother during a visit meant for support. Despite efforts to set boundaries and explain her side, the family continued comparing her husband unfavorably and dismissed her feelings. Now, with a newborn and a major move ahead, she wonders if skipping the party makes her wrong. Online commenters shared strong support for her choice.

‘AITAH for not attending my little sister’s engagement party because of how my mom and her treat me and my husband?’

The conflict started during pregnancy with repeated disrespect.

Postpartum brought more disappointment and hurt.

Now the family expects attendance at the engagement party.

The central tension comes from a new mother’s need for support clashing with ongoing family toxicity and entitlement. She faced repeated disrespect toward her husband, dismissal of her boundaries, and cold treatment during postpartum — a time when emotional and physical care is crucial. The family’s insistence on her attendance ignores her recent trauma, the demands of a newborn, and a cross-country move.

The mother’s behavior during the visit and her excuses suggest a lack of empathy and accountability. The sister’s ongoing comparisons and drama point to deeper patterns of favoritism and competition. The husband’s background and career path became unfairly targeted, creating division. This dynamic has left the new mom feeling unheard and undervalued in her own family.

Family therapist Dr. Ramani Durvasula has noted that in toxic relationships, “people who consistently dismiss your boundaries or needs often frame their actions as love or family duty, but true care respects your well-being.” Here, the family’s guilt tactics and minimization of her pain reveal a pattern where her needs are secondary.

Practical steps include setting firm, clear boundaries without justification. She can communicate her decision once, calmly, and then step back to protect her energy. Focusing on her new family unit — her husband, baby, and their fresh start — helps rebuild peace. Low or no contact may be necessary temporarily to heal and prioritize mental health during this transition.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The online community strongly supported the new mom’s decision, viewing the family’s behavior as toxic and self-centered. Most urged her to prioritize her health, baby, and peace over attending the event.

A large majority agreed she was right to skip the party and consider distancing herself:

Others emphasized protecting her peace and family unit:

Several pointed out deeper patterns and offered direct advice:

This story highlights how family expectations can clash painfully with personal reality, especially during major life changes like new parenthood and relocation. The new mom has endured consistent disrespect, lack of support, and unfair comparisons — yet still feels the pull to show up for her sister. Her decision to prioritize her health, baby, and peace reflects strength, not selfishness.

True family support shows up when it matters most, without conditions or guilt. Boundaries aren’t punishment — they protect what matters. Focusing on her own family unit during this transition is a healthy step forward. Would you travel cross-country with a newborn for an event after such treatment, or hold firm on your boundaries? How do you balance family loyalty with self-protection when patterns of toxicity continue? Share your thoughts below!