AITAH for letting my dad think I was missing and Causing him to be disowned?

The kitchen table was supposed to be a safe spot, but for one teen, it became a battleground. In 2020, stuck at her dad’s house during lockdown, she faced a storm of hostility from her pregnant stepmother—snaps over crumbs, glares over nothing. At just 17, she tiptoed around, her hair falling out from stress, until a cereal bowl tossed in the trash pushed her to the edge.

Her dad’s words—blaming her for the chaos—cut deep, so she climbed out a window, leaving a social media post that lit a fuse. What followed wasn’t just worry, but a family fracture that lingers years later. Every kid craves a parent’s shield, but when that shield turns to blame, the fallout feels like a ghost haunting every choice. This is her story of survival and the cost of speaking out.

‘AITAH for letting my dad think I was missing and Causing him to be disowned?’

This happened in 2020 but it recently got brought up so I thought I'd ask.So I (17f) used to have a great relationship with my stepmother I genuinely saw her as a mother figure in my life and I was so excited when she found she was pregnant but everything changed in 2020 when I had to stay prematurely with my dad during the lockdowns because my mom is a surgeon.

At first everything was normal until my stepmother

I remember I ended staying in my room most of the time I only left to do chores or get something from the kitchen. Even at that she got mad like one day she came into my room angry and started yelling that my room was so smelly it was making her sick ...i pointed out that the only mess in the room was a half bag of chips which caused her to burst out crying.

As always dad babied her than made excuses saying she's struggling over lockdown,pregnancy and not being able to see her family. My mental health was extremely bad i felt like I was a piece of trash that at anyday my dad was gonna throw away and I was always scared my mom would get sick, it went so bad my hair started falling out .

The breaking point came when I was at the kitchen table I was reading a story on my phone waiting for my cereal to go soggy to eat it. When Tammy came in huffed them started

My dad came running and got between us she demanded that I leave the house that I was never allowed near her kid. Dad walked me to my room than said something that ruined our relationship forever he told me that I must doing something to Tammy because no hates a kid for no reason and if I kept stressing her I'd have to move out.

I than made a social media post asking someone for a place to stay explained the situation in detail packed a bag than climbed out my bedroom window(bungalow). after about 30 minutes my phone started blowing up but I just turned it off and went to a friends house.

I texted my mom off my friends phone to let her know everything she didn't call for 7 hours because she was in surgery. She said my aunt would pick me up the next day. My mom told my father I was ok and that I'd be staying with my aunt for a two weeks till she could come home. Apparently dad and Tammy had to go door to door to my family/friends houses looking for me you know after I made the post let's say they got a lot of s**t.

My grandparents still don't talk to him to this day. My aunt packed up my room because I refused to go back into that house I've not spoken to my father in years or met my half brother, Tammy and dad still try to fix our relationship apparently sometimes pregant women get a h**red against people or pets for no reason. I'm turning 18 in 3 weeks and a cousins girlfriend asked me about inviting my dad so I told her the story.

She told me while what they did was wrong what I did was an a**hole thing too because I made them worry/stress and go to multiple peoples houses during a pandemic that put a pregnant woman having a mental health issue at risk by whole stunt. So AITAH for letting my dad think i was missing.

Family ties can fray under pressure, and this teen’s story is a gut-punch reminder of what happens when adults fail kids. Her stepmother’s outbursts—snapping over chips, tossing a bowl—weren’t just mood swings; they created a home where a 17-year-old felt like trash. Worse, her dad’s blame, suggesting she provoked it, shattered trust. Climbing out a window wasn’t rebellion; it was survival. The social media post? A cry for help that exposed cracks others ignored.

This clash isn’t unique—lockdowns amplified family stress. Clinical psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes in a Psychology Today article, “Unresolved conflict in families can erode mental health, especially for kids who internalize blame.” Here, the teen’s hair loss screamed distress, yet her dad missed it, siding with his wife. Hormonal shifts in pregnancy can heighten emotions, but they don’t excuse targeting a child. The stepmother’s behavior, intentional or not, left scars.

Zooming out, a 2021 American Psychological Association study found 65% of teens reported worse mental health during lockdowns, often tied to family conflict. This teen’s isolation mirrors that trend—her dad’s failure to mediate made her feel expendable. His claim that “no one hates a kid for no reason” flipped responsibility onto her, a classic deflection. The family’s backlash after her post shows accountability stings when denial runs deep.

What’s the fix? Dr. Gottman suggests open dialogue—parents owning mistakes, not kids begging for it. The dad and stepmother need to apologize without excuses, but the teen owes nothing. For readers, it’s a chance to reflect: how do you protect your mental health when family fails you? Moving forward, she might limit contact, prioritizing peace. Therapy could help unpack the trauma—online resources like BetterHelp (https://www.betterhelp.com/) offer a start. Share your take: what would you tell her now?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s never shy about dropping truth bombs, and this thread’s no exception—here’s the crowd’s take, with a pinch of sass:

angel9_writes − You were being abused by this woman to the point you were losing hair and your father chose her.. You did the right thing to protect yourself. Even if this was something medical with her due to the pregnancy the TWO ADULTS in the situation owed you far more grace and understanding than you got.

He told you it was ON YOU because his wife couldn't possibly hate someone so much without a reason, while knowing damn well you weren't doing anything wrong.. He can live with those consequences.. IF they can't apologize without blaming you, there is no real apology happening.. NTA

Ambitious_Topic4472 − My dad came running and got between us she demanded that I leave the house that I was never allowed near her kid. Your father basically asked you to leave the house and that you weren't allowed near the kid. You did what he asked you to do.

Apparently dad and Tammy had to go door to door to my family/friends houses looking for me you know after I made the post let's say they got a lot of s**t. Hormones might have made her on edge, but nothing fixes hormone issues like a social media post and the s**t that comes with it. Lockdown was stressful for anyone and they made your life hell. Do you want these people in your life? NTA, if you move on with your life and they are not part of it.

SubbySuccubi − NTA cousin's gf has no right to judge you for a situation she wasn't there for. she's completely ignoring that your dad pissed off the whole family with his actions towards you. It's rare that family actually holds a neglectful parent accountable yet she's judging you? Sure Jan 🙄

[Reddit User] − This happened in 2020. You're now 17, basically 18. So, at the time, you were just a 13 - or 14 year old girl. Absolutely not at fault. For a 13 year old to be so mentally and emotionally stressed out to the point that their hair is falling out and they are losing weight, something is seriously wrong. Even for an adult that is a major sign, something is wrong.

Your dad failed severely. He should've seen your physical state and knew something was going on. But he blamed you instead by defending Tammy. Tammy and your dad used hormones to tone down the severity of what she did and to deflect total responsibility. Never go back to them. Your paternal side agrees with you. Your maternal side agrees with you. Your cousins gf needs to mind her business.

dontdoitliz − Funny how as soon as they were outed as assholes on socmed, stepbitch did a 180, immediately tamping down on her b**lshit. Pregnancy hormones my ass. She probably just hated the thought of another woman's kid competing with her

[Reddit User] − Omg So NTA. I’m so sorry you went through that—stepmother was straight up abusive. Do not feel obligated to ever mend bridges with them unless it’s something YOU want.

wingnutgabber − NTA. Your dad should have been better to you. Cut them out of your life for good. It will be better for you in the long run.

nick4424 − Are you sure he isn’t trying to reconcile just to get his family on side again?

hopefait3 − Don't listen to that girlfriend of your cousin.. If she's having an issue, uninvite her too.. NTA. You did what your pos dad told you to do.

wlfwrtr − NTA No one forced stepmom to even leave the house, she did that on their own because of her guilt over everything. Your dad could have went on his own or just called the police and let them handle it. You didn't make them worry or stress, that was their guilt.

You had no idea that she was having a mental health issue. You were having your own mental health issues due to their treatment of you. None of it was your fault. Sometimes it comes to a point where you have to put you first or you'll break. That's what you did when you left.

Cousins GF sounds like a person who likes to go around trying to fix things, even if it means to put the blame on at the time a child who was wronged making them feel guilty so you'll do what she wants. Then she can sit back and bask in the gratitude of everyone for having fixed something that they all couldn't. Stay away from cousins GF she sounds toxic.

These opinions burn bright, but do they light the whole path? Maybe reality’s messier than a Reddit roast.

This teen’s escape wasn’t just a sprint from a toxic house—it was a leap toward saving herself. Her dad’s choice to blame instead of protect cost him family, maybe forever. It’s a stark lesson: kids aren’t pawns in adult dramas彼此, and ignoring their mental health is no game. Years later, the wounds still ache, but her story sparks a question: what would you do when home feels like a trap? Share your thoughts—how do you rebuild after family betrayal?

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