AITAH for leaving my husband after he refused to help with our child?

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In a toy-strewn suburban home, a young mother drowns in responsibilities while her husband plays “chef” and little else. Her pleas for help spark tension, pushing her toward a drastic choice: divorce.

This Reddit story of marital strain and unmet expectations has readers buzzing. Battling postpartum depression and a hurricane-damaged home, she faces a partner who sees parenting as her burden alone. Is she wrong to consider walking away?

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‘AITAH for leaving my husband after he refused to help with our child?’

My (29f) husband (30m) and I have been together for 10 years and currently share 1 child (3f). When our daughter was born I was working full-time in an office setting but then went on a leave after developing severe PPD. We realized that we didn’t need my full income so I stepped down to part-time so we didn’t have to use daycare and to hopefully relieve some stress to ease my depression.

I worked part-time from the time she was 6 months old until January 2025. During this time I was responsible for the household and our daughter. My husband’s only real responsibility was cooking dinner and the occasional breakfast.

I cleaned, I grocery shopped and meal planned, I remembered all the appointments and events, I also did all of the child rearing with the exception of the two days I worked in office (I had one day from home but my daughter was at home with me). I became more o**rwhelmed than I was before.

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I asked for help constantly and my husband would follow through for about two weeks before telling me that he was too tired from working full time (~40 hrs). I told him I wanted to go back to work full time and split the workload.. He said no. I found a job anyway.

One where I’d be able to put my daughter in a reputable daycare for my remote days and still be bringing in more monthly than my part time job. (It’s important to note that we are also renovating our entire home due to hurricane damage and we didn’t have insurance so extra income is needed.)

I told my husband about the job after accepting the position. He was furious. He told me not to expect any help outside of what he does now (cooking). He has remained steadfast in his decision to not help. I recently asked again if he could At least help by brushing her teeth in the morning.

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He said no. I said we are supposed to be a team and I would really appreciate his help. He snapped that this is what I wanted, I did this to myself and he would not be helping beyond his fair share. I said fine I’ll figure it out myself. I’ve since been contemplating divorce. If the only responsibility I need to pick up is cooking then what help do I need from him?. AITAH for deciding that if he won’t help, I won’t stay.

This Reddit saga lays bare the cracks in a marriage where teamwork has gone AWOL. The wife’s struggle—balancing a child, a home, and her mental health—clashes with her husband’s rigid stance that cooking is his only duty. It’s a classic case of mismatched expectations, with a side of stubbornness that could sink the ship.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Successful couples are those who turn toward each other’s bids for connection, not away” . Here, the husband’s refusal to engage with his wife’s pleas for help signals a deeper disconnect. His dismissal of her needs, especially amid her PPD and the financial strain of home repairs, suggests a lack of empathy that could erode trust over time.

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Zooming out, this story reflects a broader issue: the unequal division of domestic labor. A 2021 Pew Research study found that 59% of women in dual-income households feel they do more household work than their partners . The wife’s decision to take a full-time job and consider divorce highlights her refusal to accept this imbalance, a bold move that challenges traditional gender roles.

For solutions, experts suggest open communication and couples counseling to rebuild teamwork. The wife could propose a clear division of tasks, perhaps using a shared calendar for childcare duties. If the husband remains uncooperative, divorce may offer relief, potentially forcing him to confront his responsibilities as a co-parent.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s finest didn’t hold back, serving up advice with a mix of sass and wisdom. Here’s what the community had to say:

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bbyglossx − NTA. Marriage and parenting are supposed to be a team effort, not one person doing 95% while the other cooks dinner. You deserve real support, not resentment for asking.

chez2202 − NTA.. But divorce takes time. In the meantime you need to accept that he will do nothing but cook. So you need to stop doing a lot of the things you are doing to make his life easier. Clean your side of the bedroom. Vacuum your side. Not his.

Clean the sink or shower before you use them, not after. So that they haven’t been cleaned before he uses them. If you have more than one bathroom just use the other one and leave him with his own dirty bathroom.. Do your laundry and your child’s laundry. Don’t do his.

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henchwench89 − NTA he doesn’t consider looking after his own child as his fair share of work. Like this is not a man you want to be married to. If you divorce he will either give you full custody and pay child support or split custody and you will end up with less work.

There was a post here about a man who was convinced his wife couldn’t cope if she divorced him and update was all about how he couldn’t cope parenting his kids and keeping up with housework and desperately wanted his wife back. Be that wife op

EggshellsShoelaces − NTA. If you divorce, you will split custody and then you’ll have nights where you have only yourself to worry about. No one wants to be away from their kid but this would also ensure he does his part to.. You cant keep going 100 miles per hour without crashing, it’s time to put yourself and the baby first.

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TooTallBrawl1919 − NTA. Tell him-our daughter was not conceived by miraculous conception. That’s 50% of you there. So either you do your 50% of parenting and you and I are a team, or you do your 50% as a single dad. Your choice. You’re doing this to yourself.

TypicalAddendum5799 − NTA On the divorce plus side, you would get very other weekend off (or whatever custody arrangement you end up with). Your house would stay clean, meals will be easier, you could do things without considering him. Boy will he be surprised!

RadiantAd7004 − I’d ask him to clarify exactly what qualifies as his “fair share” versus what is yours and see how it looks when he spells it out. Just to see what he says. And then I’d remind him that parenting and partnership is about doing the right thing, not what is fair.

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Sharp_Dimension9638 − NTA. How these situations go is; the one who works less outside the home, does more work inside the home (cleaning, grocery shopping, etc), but everyone splits the childcare 50/50. I would start with bringing up you're not happy and think you two need couples' counseling. If he screams at you again, divorce.. You two are no longer compatible and communication has broken down.

Ok-Listen-8519 − Divorce. Make him pay for childcare & alimony. Reduce working hours. He’s weaponising incompetence. NTA

kts1207 − Hand him 2 cards, Marriage Counselor and Divorce Attorney. Tell him to pick, and then make your decision.
These hot takes range from petty revenge to legal ultimatums, but do they capture the full picture? Is the husband’s stance just laziness, or is something else at play? One thing’s clear: the Reddit hive mind is Team Mom, cheering her on to reclaim her peace.

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This mother’s story is a gut-punch reminder that marriage isn’t just about love—it’s about showing up when the going gets tough. Her husband’s refusal to step up has pushed her to the edge, and her courage to consider walking away sparks a bigger question: when does self-preservation trump partnership? Readers, what would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice—let’s keep the conversation going!

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