AITAH for leaving my best friend at the bar after she grabbed my plate and refused to give it back until I apologised?

Friendships can be a source of comfort and support, but sometimes even a casual night out can reveal underlying tensions. In this post, a 24-year-old woman recounts an incident during a recent girls’ night out with her best friend—let’s call her Mia—where a simple act of grabbing food escalated into a significant fallout. The two have been friends for over four years, but on this particular night, after a few drinks and a display of vulnerability, Mia’s behavior took an unexpected turn.

While out for tapas and drinks, Mia, clearly tipsy, grabbed the plate of food the OP was eating and declared in front of the bar, “You’re not getting this until you explain why you abandoned me.” The public nature of the incident left the OP embarrassed, and she decided to pay her portion of the bill and leave. Although Mia eventually apologized a few days later, the incident has left lingering questions about whether the OP’s response was justified.

‘AITAH for leaving my best friend at the bar after she grabbed my plate and refused to give it back until I apologised?’

Relationship experts stress that setting clear boundaries is essential, especially when personal respect is compromised. Dr. Emily Roberts, a psychologist specializing in interpersonal relationships, explains, “When a friend behaves impulsively in public—such as grabbing someone’s plate and making demands—it not only violates personal boundaries but also undermines the mutual respect that should be the foundation of any relationship.”

In this case, the OP’s decision to leave the bar was a necessary assertion of her right to be treated with dignity. Dr. Roberts further notes that while alcohol can sometimes amplify emotions, it does not excuse behavior that is demeaning or invasive. “An apology is important, but it doesn’t automatically restore trust if the behavior reflects a deeper pattern of entitlement or disrespect,” she adds.

She emphasizes that healthy friendships require reciprocal care, and when one party repeatedly oversteps those boundaries, it is entirely reasonable to take a step back. Moreover, Dr. Roberts highlights that such incidents can serve as important signals for evaluating the overall health of a relationship. “If you find yourself frequently having to assert your boundaries or if your friend’s behavior leaves you feeling embarrassed and devalued, it might be time to re-assess whether the friendship is mutually beneficial,” she advises.

In the context of this situation, the OP’s firm response—leaving the bar without compromising her self-respect—demonstrates a critical awareness of her own needs. This step not only protects her well-being but also sets a precedent for how she expects to be treated in the future, potentially prompting a more honest dialogue about respect and accountability in their friendship.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community largely supported the OP’s actions. Many commenters argued that Mia’s behavior—grabbing the plate and making public demands—was completely unacceptable and demeaning. Numerous users pointed out that if a friend consistently behaves in an exploitative manner, it’s healthy to set boundaries, even if it means temporarily ending communication.

Several users also empathized with the OP, noting that while accepting an apology is important, it doesn’t negate the need for mutual respect. The overall sentiment was that the OP’s response was entirely justified, and her decision to walk away was a necessary step in asserting her self-worth.

In conclusion, this story underscores the importance of maintaining personal boundaries in friendships, especially when behavior crosses the line into disrespect. The OP’s decision to leave the bar after Mia grabbed her plate is not just about the food—it’s about protecting her dignity and ensuring that her friendships are based on mutual respect.

What do you think? Should a single impulsive act determine the fate of a long-term friendship, or can an apology suffice? How would you handle a situation where you felt publicly disrespected by someone close to you? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate similar challenges in their relationships.