AITAH for finding out I’ve been unknowingly paying rent to my husband and his mom for TWO YEARS?

Jonathan Hours
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At a lively backyard BBQ, a 31-year-old woman’s world tilted as her mother-in-law’s casual chatter revealed a stinging truth: the $700 she’d paid monthly for two years wasn’t going to a “family friend” but to her husband and his mom, co-owners of their apartment. Married to Brian for two years, she thought their 50/50 rent split was a fresh start, only to learn she’d been a tenant in her own marriage, blindsided by his lie.

This isn’t just about rent checks; it’s a gut-wrenching betrayal of trust, where a husband’s secrecy turned a partnership into a landlord-tenant ruse. His flippant “you never asked” and dismissal of her fury as overblown have her slamming the brakes on payments until fairness prevails. As he paints her as the problem, is her stand a wake-up call, or an overreach? It’s a story that sears with deception and demands answers.

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‘AITAH for finding out I’ve been unknowingly paying rent to my husband and his mom for TWO YEARS?’

Her shock and defiance burst forth in a raw Reddit post, laying bare the financial lie that’s rocked her marriage. Here’s her story, sharp and unfiltered:

I (31F) have been married to Brian (33M) for two years. Right after the wedding, we moved into an apartment he said was a 'great deal' from a family friend. We agreed to split rent and utilities 50/50 to keep things 'equal' since we were starting fresh and wanted to avoid money fights. So I’ve been sending him $700/month just for the rent this whole time.

Three days ago, at a BBQ, I overheard his mom talking about how “it’s nice getting rent from Brian’s place” and how smart they were to keep it in the family. Turns out his mom own the apartment, and Brian’s on the deed too, I had no idea. He never told me. Just let me keep paying rent for two years like a clueless roommate.

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When I confronted him, he said I “never asked” and that I’m overreacting because we weren’t overpaying. But I feel completely blindsided. It’s not just the money it’s the secrecy. I told him I won’t keep paying until we talk about a fair setup. Now he’s acting like I’m the problem. AITAH?

This woman’s halt on rent payments is a fierce reclaiming of agency after a crushing deception. Brian’s lie—claiming a “family friend” owned their apartment while he and his mom pocketed her $700 monthly—violates the trust at marriage’s core. His “you never asked” dodge shifts blame, ignoring his active misrepresentation. Her demand for a fair setup is less about the money and more about restoring honesty in a partnership turned transactional.

Financial secrecy shatters relationships. A 2023 study in Journal of Family and Economic Issues found that 35% of couples citing hidden financial dealings face trust erosion, often leading to separation (source: Journal of Family and Economic Issues). Brian’s mom’s open bragging suggests a family norm of sidelining her, amplifying the betrayal.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Transparency is the bedrock of trust; deception, even by omission, fractures it” (source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Gottman’s insight urges Brian to own his lie, not deflect. Her pause on payments forces a reckoning, though legal risks loom if no lease exists.

She should demand full disclosure: “I need all ownership details to rebuild trust; let’s renegotiate our setup.” A financial advisor can draft a fair agreement (source: CFP Board). Couples therapy, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), can unpack his motives. Consulting a lawyer ensures her rights, especially if divorcing (source: LegalZoom).

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s dishing out some fiery takes on this wife’s rent revelation showdown—get ready for a sizzling mix of outrage and advice!

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deathraerae − It’s not even that you didn’t ask. He said it was a family friend. It wasn’t, it was him.

NoCap5295 − Oh wow, your husband does not understand what it is to be married. I’m sorry to say, but he does not trust, respect or love you. Really recommend seeing a counsellor at a minimum, and leaving him as the best option. I’m really sorry.

Fun_Ingenuity2060 − NTA but girl, I’d be drafting divorce papers in a Lisa Frank notebook because this is giving financial betrayal and mama’s boy energy. Like imagine being married, paying rent, and finding out you're the tenant in your own damn marriage. This man let you roommate his investment property without telling you? That's not just shady, that’s premeditated. You didn’t marry a husband, you married a landlord with benefits.

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Inevitable_Pie9541 − NTA to be upset specifically because he lied. He said a family friend owned the apartment, and you're both paying that person rent. Not true, your MIL and your husband own it. Him saying 'you never asked' is so disingenuous because he told you who owned the apartment, a 'friend'.

Why would you question him further? $700 isn't a lot to kick in for apartment rent, but it's weird that your husband lied about who you were paying. I'd be wondering what else he'd told me that was a lie.

SaltFinding9193 − Wow he cheated you for two years. You paid his mother to live with him in his own home? How awful. What sort of marriage is this? 

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Same_Task_1768 − His mum was chatting about it with friends so it's no secret - except from you. It's disrespectful, deceitful behaviour. How do you think the future will pan out here? What if you have children? Can you see a way forward?, to trusting him?

changelingcd − Your husband didn't mention he's on the deed and co-owner of the apartment you both live in, and that all the rent goes to him and his mommy? Yep, it's time for one big f**king fight. NTA.

BestAd5844 − Is he also paying rent?

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Obvious-Weakness-218 − There is nothing wrong with BOTH of you paying your MIL rent if you BOTH knew that is what you were doing. It sounds your husband doesn't know what a marriage should look like and it doesn't seem like he trusts you. In turn, how can you trust him?

Your husband LIED saying it was a family friend. I call this a financial betrayal. Document everything, pre-during and post conversation with your husband. I would want a copy of the rental agreement if you signed anything. I would see a lawyer, and want a list of all assets with acquisition date. You both need couples counseling at the very least. Consider a post-nuptial agreement.

FatBloke4 − Right after the wedding, we moved into an apartment he said was a 'great deal' from a family friend. He lied from the start. Not only that, he is also on the deed. I don't think deceit at this level and for this duration is acceptable. It's time to leave and get a divorce.. NTA.

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These Redditors are serving spicy takes, but are they cooking up clarity or just fanning the betrayal flames?

This woman’s story is a heart-pounding expose of marital deceit, with her discovery of paying rent to her husband’s secret property flipping their marriage into a landlord scam. Her stand to stop payments demands fairness, but his dismissal fuels the fire. Can therapy and a new financial deal mend the trust, or is this lie the lease-breaker? What would you do when your spouse turns your home into their profit? Toss your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s unravel this!

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