AITAH for dropping our baby off on my ex husband and demanding he take the baby every other week even though he wants to be an every other weekend dad?

Jonathan Hours
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In the bustling lot of a Texas car dealership, a 28-year-old software developer thrust her four-month-old son into the arms of her stunned ex-husband, demanding he step up for 50/50 custody. Divorced just a month ago after his refusal to support an abortion during her unplanned pregnancy, she’s grappling with motherhood she never wanted, feeling unbonded and overwhelmed while juggling work from home. His dodging of custody talks and preference for sporadic weekend visits pushed her to this bold move, sparking his panic and his family’s outrage.

This isn’t just about a daycare dilemma; it’s a raw saga of reproductive choice, fractured trust, and a mother’s desperate bid for balance in a life upended by an IUD’s failure. Her ex’s resistance and family backlash test her resolve—did she go too far, or is she right to demand equality? It’s a story that crackles with emotion and defiance.

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‘AITAH for dropping our baby off on my ex husband and demanding he take the baby every other week even though he wants to be an every other weekend dad?’

Her frustration and bold action unfold in a gripping Reddit post, capturing the custody clash that’s tearing at her post-divorce life. Here’s her story, unfiltered and fierce:

This is so messy. My ex husband 29m, and I 28f, originally agreed not to have any children. We live in Texas and this world just isn’t a place I wanted to bring a child into. I also never wanted to be a mother. My IUD failed and I got pregnant. I was devastated because I wouldn’t be able to get an a**rtion since we live in Texas. I wanted to travel out of state to get an a**rtion, and I wanted him to get a vasectomy since I didn’t want to risk this happening again.

He refused both. He said he wouldn’t take me out of state to get an a**rtion, and he made me very scared of criminal charges. He also refused a vasectomy to prevent more children, since he ‘didn’t want to mutilate himself’. Long story short, I filed for divorce a month after the baby was born. It took a little over two months for the divorce to be finalized, which was a month ago.

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Baby is now four months old, and the maternity leave that I was lucky enough to have is up. Ex- Husband has moved into his own apartment. I live alone in my home that I owned prior to marriage, that I inherited from my grandparents. Ex husband has been visiting the baby here and there on weekends, but hasn’t had the baby overnight ever. I’ve suggested it but he refused.

To be honest, I don’t really like being a mother. The baby and I just haven’t bonded much. I’ve heard that sometimes it takes a while. I’ve been o**rwhelmed and I needed a break. I tried calling him and talking to him about agreeing to a custody situation. He blew me off and said he’ll let me know when he finds a weekend that works for him. I was really pissed. I had this baby because of him largely, or I would’ve gotten an a**rtion.

I love my baby but I don’t want to be a full time mom, I want 50/50. I work from home as a software developer. I’m lucky enough to be able to watch the baby while I work so I don’t have to pay for daycare. But I need time to be productive with my work. So I figure one week I can be unproductive while watching my child, and the next week I can work extra hard to makeup for it. My job is flexible so it’ll work for me.

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My ex was dodging my calls, so I took our son and a diaper bag and showed up at my ex’s work. He works as a car salesman. He was shocked to see me, and even more shocked when I handed him the baby. I told him, ‘we’re doing 50/50 custody. You have the baby this week. You can drop him off at my house next Monday.’

He freaked out, said who will watch the baby while he works. I suggested he pay for daycare if he needs it. He said he can’t afford daycare. We argued and I told him to figure it out. If I have to figure out how to be a mom he has to figure out how to be a dad.. His parents are calling me every name under the damn sun, meanwhile they don’t want to babysit for him.. AITAH?

This woman’s dramatic drop-off at her ex’s workplace is a cry for fairness in a situation shaped by reproductive coercion and mismatched expectations. Her IUD failure, coupled with Texas’s restrictive abortion laws and her ex’s refusal to support out-of-state travel or a vasectomy, forced her into motherhood against her will. Now, unbonded with her baby and overwhelmed, she seeks 50/50 custody to manage her demanding job, only to face his avoidance and family vitriol. His claim of financial strain for daycare mirrors her own burdens, yet his inaction shifts the load onto her.

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Postpartum struggles and custody disputes are grueling. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 30% of new mothers in unwanted pregnancies report bonding difficulties, increasing stress when co-parenting is uneven (source: Journal of Family Psychology). Her ex’s refusal to engage, rooted in his earlier control, exacerbates this.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a relationship expert, notes, “Boundaries are tested most when power imbalances linger; demanding equity is a reclaiming of agency” (source: The Dance of Connection). Lerner’s insight validates her push for shared responsibility, though her workplace confrontation risks legal pushback. Texas family law prioritizes the child’s best interest, and abrupt custody shifts without court approval can complicate cases (source: Texas Family Code).

She should consult a family lawyer to formalize a 50/50 plan, ensuring legal protection, as advised by the Texas Bar Association (source: State Bar of Texas). Therapy, via BetterHelp (source: BetterHelp), can address bonding struggles and stress. A mediated talk with her ex, proposing a gradual custody ramp-up, might reduce hostility.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s dishing out some fiery takes on this mom’s custody standoff—brace for candid, no-holds-barred reactions!

AshamedDirector428 − So. He doesn't want the baby, but wouldn't allow you to abort and threatened you legal action if you did abort.. He doesn't want to look after the baby, but refuses to allow you adopt the child out.

Yeah. You need to speak with a lawyer, soon. Either he steps up and actually looks after his child a minimum of half of the time, or he needs to sign the adoption papers. Does anyone really think that it's in the babies best interests to grow up with two parents who fight to make the other take him on the regular?

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Diggleflort − Give the poor kid up for adoption.. Christ.

noonecaresat805 − Nta. Your ex can’t say, I won’t get snipped, you can’t have an a**rtion and you can’t give the baby up for adoption but also I don’t want to be involved. Honestly I would get a lawyer. If you really don’t want to be a mom that’s okay but maybe the lawyer can help you put it up for adoption. Or you can try to go for 50/50 custody.

Or you can just be honest “I didn’t want children. But he forced the situation. I wanted to put little one to be put up for adoption and he also refused. Since he was the one that wanted a child. I want him to have full custody. I’ll pay child support and I will stay away” and his parents can be as mad as they want but this was his fault don’t let them guilt trip. You into thinking otherwise.

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Mother_Search3350 − Men do that all the time. Go to family court and file a custody agreement where you get the child every other weekend and holidays and you pay CS.  That should have been ordered as part of your divorce. How did you get divorced without any order about custody of that baby? 

A child being with a person who doesn't want them or want to parent them is mentally and emotionally destructive. 'I did not want a baby, I would have got an a**rtion..' those aren't words a child needs to hear from their primary caregiver and mother.

[Reddit User] − Nta, he literally forced you to have a baby, he has to take responsibility now. If you have the means, get a lawyer and go to court so it's clearly noted that he has to have the baby every other week and that he may also have to pay child support. I would make him pay for forcing you to have a child.

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19Kitten85 − Nta but you need an attorney and to set up a formal custody arrangement.

RedditIsRussianBots − If your ex doesn't want to be a father and you don't want to be a mother you only have one option at this point: adoption/fostering.

VienerSchnitzel − NTA. I just want to say that I feel like some people in the comments are being unfairly hard on you. I understand it’s coming from a place of concern for the baby, but this is the exact situation that women are afraid of happening when our reproductive rights are stripped away and I think you deserve more empathy than you’re getting.

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You had a birth control solution that failed, you were threatened with criminal charges for considering an a**rtion, and you were blocked from putting baby up for adoption. Then you immediately became the default parent when the father didn’t feel like being an equal parent. You were forced into motherhood and I’m really sorry that this has happened to you.

ETA: As I’ve sat with this it’s really haunted me what a perfect snapshot this comment section is of the way society complete erases a woman once she becomes a mother. Your situation is devastating but most of the comments are just upset about Baby’s situation and many even blame you for it. Very upsetting and very poignant. Maybe if we treated moms like human beings more women would want to have kids

Apprehensive_War9612 − NTA Your situation sucks & is the result of what happens when people do not have access to choices. But this is the situation now and you have to make the best of it. Demanding 50/50 custody & dropping the baby with him so that he will be an active parent was the right thing to do. People expect women to just accept n**lect & suffer in silence when men refuse to step up. F**k that. He doesn’t get to be a parent when his schedule allows.

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Also, f**k the people telling you that you’re wrong or suck. You made it clear you didn’t want this situation but you are trying your bestZ your baby is loved, even if you’re struggling with bonding. And you provided all the necessities before leaving the child with its other parent. That is the responsible thing to do & does not make you a bad person or mother. So ignore them.

is76 − He is the father. Let’s repeat that. He is the father. NTA - 50 50 custody is reasonable.

These Redditors are dropping bold advice, but are they on the mark, or just stoking the fire?

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This woman’s story is a gut-wrenching fight for fairness, thrusting her baby into her ex’s arms to demand the 50/50 custody he’s dodged. Shaped by his refusal to support her abortion choice and her struggle with unwanted motherhood, her bold move sparks family fury but underscores her need for balance. Can she secure equal parenting through legal channels, or did her workplace gambit cross a line? What would you do when a co-parent shirks their share? Toss your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s unpack this!

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