AITAH for cutting my friend off for breaking up with her sick fiancé?

A cozy coffee shop buzzes with chatter, but a 20-year-old woman sits stunned, her friend’s words cutting through the warmth like a cold wind. Her friend, once beaming about her fiancé, has just revealed she ended their engagement—not for betrayal or drift, but because he was diagnosed with cancer. The confession lands like a punch, especially for a woman who knows the sting of illness firsthand.

The fallout is swift: hurt by her friend’s callousness, she cuts contact, unable to reconcile with such a choice. Her friend’s apology lingers unanswered, leaving a rift where trust once stood. Readers are pulled into the drama: was she right to end the friendship over this moral divide, or should she have shown more understanding? The clash of loyalty and values demands a verdict.

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‘AITAH for cutting my friend off for breaking up with her sick fiancé?’

This woman turned to Reddit to unpack the painful end of her friendship, sharing the shock of her friend’s decision and its personal impact. Here’s her original post, diving into the heart of the conflict.

I (20F) recently cut off a friend Regan(26F) for breaking up with her fiancé when he found out he was diagnosed with cancer. To make it clear, it sucks that he’s going through something like that, but I also know Regan’s allowed have preferences or limits in a relationship.

From my understanding, she was really happy with him and after a slew of really bad relationships, he was great to her.  So obviously I was surprised when she told me she wasn’t speaking with him anymore and she’d broken off their engagement.

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I asked why and she told me he had cancer and she didn’t want to deal with that. Firstly, how is anyone’s first reaction to break up when finding out the man they’re gonna marry is sick. He is in a vulnerable position, and he’s helped you through so much over the past few years and you didn’t think about any of that when you broke it off? Obviously I told her I think she should reconsider.

I was diagnosed with a rare disease when I was a teenager and it would break my heart if my significant other left me solely because of something I have 0 control over. She basically told me I was projecting because I’m “basically in the same boat as him” and told me I was being selfish and only thinking about my emotions and not about hers.

Her justification was that she needed to think about her future, and she didn’t want to tie herself down to someone and have to deal with his sickness for the rest of her life. I get the sentiment, sort of, but she basically just implied that if you’re sick, you’re not entitled to being loved unconditionally.

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I haven’t spoken to her since, and I sent her boyfriend a card and let him know that if he ever needs to talk about navigating the diagnosis, I’d be here. She reached out to apologize but honestly I don’t want to hear it. Not only did she leave a wonderful guy when he was in a vulnerable position, but she basically told me that I shouldn’t expect people to love me or stick around because I’m also sick.

Friendships can crumble when core values collide, and this one shattered under the weight of illness and empathy. The woman ended her bond with her friend, who left her fiancé after his cancer diagnosis, a choice that felt heartless to her, especially as someone with a chronic illness. The friend’s justification—prioritizing her future—clashed with the woman’s belief in loyalty through hardship.

This situation reflects broader issues of commitment and compassion. The friend’s exit suggests a transactional view of relationships, which a 2023 study in Journal of Social Psychology links to weaker relational resilience during crises. Her dismissal of the woman’s feelings as “projecting” deepened the hurt.

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Psychologist Dr. Irene Levine notes, “Friendships thrive on shared values; a breach in empathy can be a dealbreaker”. Her insight validates the woman’s choice to prioritize her emotional health. The friend’s apology, if genuine, might warrant a conversation, but trust is hard to rebuild.

The woman could focus on supportive connections, like her outreach to the ex-fiancé. The friend should reflect on her actions’ impact.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit dove into this friendship drama with takes as sharp as a barista’s espresso shot. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even broken bonds need a light touch.

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EnoughPizza448 − Well... she certainly wasn't going to take her vows seriously, was she? 'In sickness and health' 👀👀. NTA.

MrsSEM84 − When people show you who they are, believe them.. She’s shown you that she’s selfish & heartless. Of course you wouldn’t want to be her friend anymore.. She’s trash. Don’t feel guilty.

Bonsoir1989 − This hits very close to home for you, so your reaction makes total sense… The card you sent was very very sweet. Poor man… You both deserve much better. . I am sorry you lost a friend in the process. . NTA obviously. 

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[Reddit User] − He doesn't need her. For her to walk away as soon as life throws her a curve ball honestly she wasn't really with him if she was she wouldn't have left. So to answer your question no your not in the wrong. You seen how she'd do the man she supposed to love through thick and thin imagine what she'd do to you.

clearheaded01 − NTA. And your friend sounds like a shallow cu-next-tuesday... you may want to ask her, what she would have done, if he had been diagnised with cancer AFTER the wedding.... Cut her off, contact her ex and support him...

kittykat4320 − NTA what a disgusting piece of trash. Why marry someone if you don’t love them enough to stick with them through sickness and health? I couldn’t imagine leaving someone I love who is sick because I don’t want to mess with it?! At least she showed her true colors before the wedding I guess.

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sog96 − Just let her know that you are cutting out a sick person from your life. Just like she did.

ladystardust1966 − You would be amazed at the number of people who walk away from people when they are diagnosed with a serious illness. I went through it with my brother when i was going through Chemo and RT. I found out through other survivors they had experienced the same thing. I never found out why my brother did this.

I have never spoken to him since. That was 14 years ago. I feel no need to make contact. I suffer with anxiety and I prefer not to as much as try. I he had regrets he's had ample time to correct it, though I'm happy he hasn't. We are all very different and sadly some people can't deal with illness. Its a sad but true fact.

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Aradene − NTA, but I will say when my partner was diagnosed with MS HE tried to break up with me because he was worried about the impact it would have on my life. Is it possible this was a mutual decision or that he’s the one who ended it and she’s saying she did in a warped sense of “I don’t want to say I was broken up with”?

Local_Temporary882 − So she can back out of an engagement and cease speaking to her former partner because he was diagnosed with cancer but you might be an a**hole because you backed out of a friendship with someone who demonstrated the swiftness with which she will ditch any relationship that asks her to extend herself? Nah. NTA. Don’t let anyone try to make you feel bad about this.

These Reddit quips are fiery, but do they capture the full story? Was the woman right to cut ties, or should she have given her friend a chance to explain?

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This story is a raw snapshot of friendship tested by illness and empathy, where a woman’s stand against her friend’s heartless choice sparks a painful divide. Her decision to walk away, backed by Reddit’s support, underscores the power of moral boundaries. Yet her friend’s apology lingers, raising questions about forgiveness. What would you do when a friend’s actions clash with your values? Share your stories and weigh in on this emotional rift!

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