AITAH for breaking up with my (20m) bf (21m) because he is against abortions?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A cozy evening of TV takes a sharp turn for a 20-year-old Canadian student when a news segment sparks a heated debate. As the story of a 10-year-old rape victim unfolds, her boyfriend’s shocking stance on abortion reveals a chasm in their values, threatening their young romance.

This Reddit tale dives into the raw emotion of a breakup fueled by clashing beliefs. Her swift decision to walk away, met with pushback from friends, ignites a firestorm about love, principles, and where to draw the line.

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‘AITAH for breaking up with my (20m) bf (21m) because he is against abortions?’

We were watching a segment about Dr. Caitlin Bernard, the doctor who helped a 10-year-old rape victim get an a**rtion. My boyfriend said he thought a**rtion should be completely illegal, even in cases like that. He made it clear he supported that extreme mindset (that kirk guy level).

I asked him if he thinks embryo are the same as a “child” and he said yes. I am a stem major so that irked me, as well knowing he is a pre med and it made me feel disgusted. I was shocked. I told him I couldn’t be with someone who held views like that and left him right then and there.

Now some mutual friends think I overreacted and say I was being too harsh, that we could’ve just “agreed to disagree.” But I don’t think that’s something you can compromise on.. AITAH?. Context: We are from Canada, so it baffles me that his opinions are this extreme.. Edit: I am a female! Just realised the stupid mistake. I was enraged while writing this.

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Edit 2: I went through all the comments and thank you for the kind words from majority of you. For people saying I am the AH, it’s okay, I appreciate the opinion, that’s what this post is for:) People who said I am fake, I am not???

I am a long reddit user and this is just my first time posting here, I usually stick to my uni’s sub reddit more. It’s hard to reply to everyone with my job going on but I read all of them!! Final

Edit 3: Please stop sending me death threats through my private messaging, how will it help your case? This wasn’t the federal court hearing where my choice will determine the law💀 We all have opinions here and are talking about it/debating about it. Stay blessed you all:)

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This cupcake caper isn’t just about dessert—it’s a lesson in respect. The girlfriend’s grab, despite clear instructions, was a small but telling breach of etiquette, ruffling feathers at a family milestone.

Etiquette expert Myka Meier notes, “Respecting a host’s wishes is fundamental to social grace” . The girlfriend’s eye-roll and bite-before-return act screamed entitlement, ignoring the cupcakes’ role as the birthday centerpiece. Her pushiness, acting like family after two months, clashed with the Redditor’s reasonable request.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating new relationships in family settings. A 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 48% of families report tension when integrating partners . The brother’s defense of his girlfriend over his sister highlights misplaced loyalty, escalating the drama.

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The Redditor should stand firm but open a calm chat with her brother to clarify expectations. For future gatherings, clear signage or verbal reminders can prevent repeat offenses. Her quick defense of her mom’s moment was spot-on, showing loyalty where it counted.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit lit up with support for the cupcake defender, their comments dripping with indignation. They branded the girlfriend’s move as rude, comparing her cupcake bite to slicing a birthday cake early—a universal party foul. Her attitude was called out as entitled, with many siding with the Redditor’s boundary-setting.

The community also threw shade at the brother for backing his girlfriend over family. They praised the Redditor’s restraint, noting her mom’s support cemented her stance. The consensus was clear: guests don’t get to rewrite the rules, especially not with a half-eaten cupcake.

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peakykeen − NTA. He outright said, while watching a show about a 10 year old rape victim, that that child should be forced to carry that fetus. That that child should be forced to give birth, and more than likely die doing so.. A 10 year old rape victim.. Leaving him isn’t dramatic enough honestly.

AlarmingResist3564 − NTA. There is no way I would want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks a child should be forced to give birth.

Lost_Needleworker285 − Nta, there's certain differences in relationships that can't be looked past, this is one of those.

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ArrivalBoth6519 − NTA He is a monster to think a ten year old child should have to give birth.

Open-Reserve-6818 − NTA. The extreme views are bigger than pro-life. It says so much more about his beliefs, values, morals, and views on women. His views on safety, autonomy, trauma, consequences. I'm sure there are a million other things that you would strongly disagree with if you continued digging.

This isn't even 'I see value in a heartbeat' or 'what if the dad (in two consenting adults) wants to raise the child himself, I agree it's not fair to the women, but I think the man should have a choice too''. This is I support abuse and value cells more than a raped child. Because forcing that child to carry to term against her will is furthering abuse.

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I'm sure he also believes that abortions shouldn't be performed as a life saving measure, potentially even when the child may not make it regardless. The men discuss how many organs have to be failing for a**rtion to be considered a reasonable life saving procedure.

I don't understand why anyone would believe a corpse should have more rights then a living woman. If someone declined being an organ donor, it doesn't matter how many lives they would save. Even after death, their body their choice. In pregnancy, a single life for a single life, why is my living one less important then that corpse?

What if it was his 10 year old daughter that was raped? Could you imagine. I doubt he would feel any different if he knew her. And if he cares so little for the wellbeing of that child, I guarantee you he wouldn't care about yours. I wonder if he would choose you or the baby if asked to make the decision.

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When hearing a story like that, if a man doesn't get angry, feel sorrow for that child, or feel sick to his stomach, then I genuinely believe he doesn't respect women. Context: How long were you together? Because the less time it is the more absurd that someone would think YTA. If it's been a while, there had to be other clues and red flags.

EmotionalAttention63 − Nta...that's not a minor thing you can agree to disagree on. It's not coffee, it's people's, and children's, lives. No 10 yr old, or rape victim, or anyone for that matter, should EVER be forced to give birth.

Honestly it doesn't matter the reason why, I don't feel it should be used as a form of BC (like someone that just isn't ever careful and gets repeated abortions, learn to use bc, condoms and plan b at some point) but if there's an accident, or rape, or BC fails then it's no ones decision but the woman's.

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kmm_pdx − He doesn't believe you should have control over your own body or medical decisions. Do you want to be with someone like that? Raise kids with someone like that?

Mission_Mastodon_150 − ***doctor who helped a 10-year-old rape victim get an a**rtion. My boyfriend said he thought a**rtion should be completely illegal, even in cases like that.***  Your BF is a stupid ignorant p**ck. Say good bye to potential further idiocy in your life and get away from that Fuckwit. NTA.

No_Scarcity8249 − Girrrlll… dump those “friends” as well. They’d rather see you bleed out and DIE on a dirty emergency room floor than have to allow a doctor to end a pregnancy where the baby wouldn’t make it anyway. You can absolutely NEVER EVER trust anyone who thinks your life does not matter. Especially a man.

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Remember if you marry someone like this they can legally make your medical decisions. As for your bf telling you that even if his 10 yr old daughter got R.. he’d force her to give birth is beyond foul. He’d kill his own child for a new baby? Not even consideration for what a pregnancy can do to a little girls body? It’s life threatening… as all pregnancy is. No way. 

JanetInSpain − Nope NTA. You were dating a right wing/red pill/Andrew Tate dude and you want no part of someone like that. They're bad news all the way around. Find someone who is both smarter and not as extreme in their views. Tell your 'mutual friends' to go f**k themselves. Then find better friends.

This Redditor’s tale is a sugary reminder that respect sweetens any gathering. By guarding her mom’s birthday vision, she stood up for family tradition, even if it meant a sour moment with her brother. Her story sparks chatter about handling pushy guests. Ever dealt with someone trampling your party plans? Drop your thoughts below and let’s dish on keeping the vibe sweet.

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