AITAH for asking my fiancé to board our dog while I’m recovering from surgery?
In this post, a wife explains why she asked her fiancé to leave her dog with her while she recovered from an upcoming surgery. Although she loves dogs and considers them family, she became increasingly frustrated that her fiancé’s priorities always put the dog’s needs above her own. As her invasive surgery approached—when she would need a calm and supportive environment—she offered to leave the dog behind to create a quieter home environment.
However, her fiancé was shocked by the idea and wanted her to recover in a hotel so he could keep the dog at home. Now, she’s wondering if her request was reasonable or if she was simply being selfish or jealous of a dog.
‘AITAH for asking my fiancé to board our dog while I’m recovering from surgery?’
Dr. Angela Rivera, a psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics and self-care, explains that conflicts like these often reveal deeper issues about how couples prioritize their individual needs, especially during vulnerable periods like post-surgical recovery. “When someone is recovering from invasive surgery, their physical and emotional well-being becomes paramount.
It is critical to create a stable, calm environment that minimizes stress and maximizes safety,” she explains. “In your situation, asking for the dog to be boarded isn’t just about pet care—it’s about ensuring you have a supportive space where you can focus entirely on healing.” Dr. Rivera notes that it’s not uncommon for partners to struggle with balancing personal needs with family or pet-related responsibilities.
“Pets, especially those with challenging behavioral issues like a reactive pit bull, require a lot of attention and can add significant stress to a household. While it’s clear you love your fiancé’s dog and respect its role in your life, the consistent prioritization of the dog’s needs over yours can create an imbalance in the relationship,” she says. She further elaborates that setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy partnership.
“In any relationship, both partners should feel equally valued and supported. When one person’s needs—particularly during a critical time such as recovery from surgery—are continuously sidelined, it’s a red flag. It suggests that the balance of care is skewed and that open communication about priorities and boundaries is necessary. Your request to board the dog was a proactive measure intended to reduce potential hazards, such as accidental injury or undue stress during your recovery, rather than a rejection of your fiancé’s love for his pet.”
Dr. Rivera emphasizes that while your fiancé may have emotional attachments stemming from past losses, it is equally important for him to acknowledge that your health is a priority. “It’s about mutual respect. Both partners must be willing to compromise and to adjust routines to support each other’s well-being.
If one partner consistently feels neglected, especially during times of vulnerability, it can lead to long-term resentment and even relationship breakdown.” In summary, Dr. Rivera asserts that your request is a reasonable act of self-care, and it’s vital that both of you engage in an open dialogue about balancing pet care with personal health needs.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Reddit users overwhelmingly support the wife’s stance. Many commenters argue that if her recovery could be compromised by a high-energy, reactive dog, her request is entirely reasonable. Numerous responses point out that her fiancé boards the dog for work purposes, so it’s not inconsistent to consider boarding her for health reasons.
Some users caution that his insistence on her recovering in a hotel, instead of at home, reflects a deeper prioritization of his pet over his partner. The general consensus is that her needs should come first during her recovery, and that it’s acceptable to set boundaries when personal health is involved.
While a few comments suggest re-evaluating the relationship altogether, the prevailing sentiment is that she is NTA.
This situation raises significant questions about how couples balance pet care with personal health needs. Is it fair for one partner to expect the other to continually compromise their own well-being for the sake of a pet? Have any of you experienced similar conflicts where your health was compromised by your partner’s priorities?
We invite you to share your experiences and insights on establishing boundaries in relationships, especially when it comes to balancing the love for pets with the need for personal care and support.
