AITAH because I’m frustrated our neighbors Autistic adult son steals our bottles and yard supplies..?

A homeowner is growing increasingly frustrated after repeated incidents involving their neighbor’s adult autistic son entering their yard and taking items without permission. Despite attempts to address the issue calmly and respectfully, the behavior has continued for months, creating stress and concern for their family’s safety.

The situation escalates as the homeowner balances empathy for the son’s condition with the reality of stolen property, boundary violations, and potential danger involving their dog and children. What began as patience and understanding has slowly turned into exhaustion, leaving them questioning whether their frustration makes them the one at fault.

‘AITAH because I’m frustrated our neighbors Autistic adult son steals our bottles and yard supplies..?’

The issue began shortly after the family moved into their new home.

As the title says, I am pretty fed up. Our neighbors have an adult son with Autism. He goes with a worker every day, is quite friendly for the most...

However, he has consistently come into our yard since we moved in, taken multiple snow shovels, regular shovels and rakes. He will put fallen branches into our backyard from theirs,

he will move stuff around from our front yard to our backyard (we had a large tree branch break in high winds and spouse cut it up in the front...

He also comes and takes our bags of bottles. He has once opened our door to let our dog in because he doesn't like our dog. We have spoken to...

They have spoken to him. They have a sign on their gate saying not to come into the yard, we have a sign saying he isn't allowed to take our...

Attempts to resolve the situation did not stop the behavior.

We have been nice about it until recently it's just really started to get on our nerves. He is definitely aware he isn't supposed to do it because he rushed...

The poster shared additional details after further discussion with the family.

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Edit/update: Spoke to his parent again. They had him come out and we all talked and she seemed very upset he is doing this still. We will monitor it...

I will not be getting loud sirens, we already have a camera. We have a lock on the gate, our whole yard is fenced and a high fence, you cannot...

The shovels he has taken has been during winter - we are Canadian, we get a lot of snow, we have our shovels out in our fenced yard because we...

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The bottles are up on our back deck in a bin. Our dog is young and small and too friendly and has gotten out by the neighbor not closing our...

We gave two small children. One of which is disabled themselves. We are trying to handle the situation calmly without escalation.. This is not bait.. I appreciate everyone's comments.

The homeowner has made repeated efforts to address the issue directly with the neighbor, using signs, conversations, and physical barriers. These actions demonstrate a willingness to resolve the problem without confrontation. However, the continued behavior suggests that the current safeguards are not effective.

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From another perspective, caring for an autistic adult with impulse-control challenges can be overwhelming. The parents may be struggling to find solutions that work consistently, especially if the behavior occurs when supervision lapses. That said, the responsibility ultimately lies with caregivers to ensure that their child does not place themselves or others at risk.

Socially, this situation raises broader questions about accountability, accommodation, and safety. Understanding autism does not require accepting repeated trespassing or theft. Compassion and firm boundaries are not mutually exclusive, and sustainable solutions must protect both the individual with special needs and the surrounding community.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many users supported the poster, emphasizing reasonable boundaries and safety concerns.

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thulsado0m13 − NTA - you tried to be reasonable and considerate. Put up Ring spotlight or floodlight cameras (or whatever equivalent as long as you get motion notifications, can check...

and everytime he’s in your yard turn on the siren alarm - it should ping your phone that there’s motion and you’ll see him and you can start/stop the alarm...

Alarms like that triggers people with autism and he’ll probably run away every time and after a while he’ll hate it so much he’ll never want to come back.

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If the neighbors complain- too bad, manage him better. Use the siren every single time.  They’re also on sale at the moment.

Personally I have them on all sides of my house but at the very least I’d put one or two in the sides facing your neighbors and at any entry...

CocoaAlmondsRock − Locks on gates. Cameras. Police reports.

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[Reddit User] − It’s his parents fault, they’re putting him in danger by not keeping a closer eye on him

IrrelevantManatee − NTA. You know you can get the police involved, right ? If his parents are not willing to take responsibility for him,

maybe having the police involved for the stealing will help them realize they need to get better control of their son. I get that autism is hard, but that doesn't...

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New-Tailor3476 − NTA. Having empathy doesn’t mean letting your boundaries disappear. His condition explains the behavior,

but it doesn’t excuse it especially since his family knows and isn’t putting proper safeguards in place. You can care and still protect your property.

Some commenters offered balanced views while acknowledging the complexity of autism.

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Hopeful-Material4123 − Not at all. This is scary, actually, especially about letting your dog out. Idk what exactly you can do but I wanted to validate your feelings.

[Reddit User] − NTA Autistic woman here: If he is not capable of refraining from trespassing and theft, then he needs supervision.

His family are major AHs and are setting him up for failure, including possible criminal charges and a very stressful stint in jail, by not doing so.

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The top comment recommends putting something in your yard to deter him. I second this. We have difficulty regulating sensory stimulus, and too much or the wrong type can absolutely...

Using sensory warfare could cause him to form a negative association with your yard, and make it so he no longer views it as a safe place.

Sad-Contribution-500 − I have a non-verbal Autistic sister, so I understand how their minds work. Impulse control is really hard for them.

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That being said, it's up to his guardians (his parents) to put controls in place so he doesn't have the opportunity to do the things he is doing. They should...

A few users took a more blunt or darkly humorous approach.

youknowimright25 − Nta. Stealing is stealing.   Id put up a camera.   Give them one now warning. Then call the police every time it happens again.

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OldLadyKickButt − NTA Call police. Just because he is autistic does not mean he is allowed to steal.

This story highlights the strain that unresolved boundary issues can place on neighbors, especially when safety and children are involved. The poster’s frustration stems from repeated incidents rather than a lack of empathy, revealing how goodwill can erode over time without effective solutions.

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How should communities balance compassion with accountability when disability is involved? What steps should caregivers take to prevent repeated boundary violations? Readers are encouraged to share how they would approach this situation and where they believe responsibility ultimately lies.

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