AITA – suggested to new cousin it might not be her fault she’s fat?

A family gathering turns tense when a 13-year-old’s weight becomes the topic. Danielle, vibrant but struggling, hears her grandmother’s cruel jab and seeks advice from her cousin, a former “land whale” who shed pounds after a medical diagnosis. Sharing her story of health struggles and running, the cousin gently suggests a doctor’s visit, igniting a firestorm.

Danielle’s mom, Kathy, accuses her of planting ideas, while her uncle pushes for answers. In a home where empathy clashes with judgment, this tale of health and heart unfolds. Can a teen’s struggle find support, or will family friction bury the truth?

‘AITA – suggested to new cousin it might not be her fault she’s fat?’

My uncle Jim-Bob recently married my old babysitter KATHY who id lost touch with after she left for college. She removed back a few years ago. KATHY has a 13 y/o daughter Danielle who is so great but... not following her mom’s footsteps to homecoming queen. she’s quite overweight and has very bad acne.

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My husband & I see Danielle out running frequently & she really eats very healthy and very little. But this has been for a year & she never loses weight. She complained about her weight the other day and her grandma (aging mean girl) said, “Ask land whale; she used to be really fat and lost like a hundred pounds one summer. How did you do it?”. It is a really painful memory for me.

I pulled myself together & told Danielle healthy comes jn different sizes and it’s great that she’s a runner like me. But I also told her, “My doctor found out I had some medical problems that were making me very overweight. So she treated me for those and I decided that since I had these health issues, I’d also start running.

I lost about 60 lbs over a school year. But remember muscle weighs more than fat; I’m taller than you; and my situation is pretty unusual.” KATHY just called me pissed off. Danielle is now telling her that she NEEDS to go see my doctor; she has the same problems as I do.

The kicker is I never told anyone what my exact fatso-making health issues were but Danielle somehow guessed them and has diagnosed herself with PCOS and is calling her mom all these names. Kathy & uncle J are fighting because Kathy thinks Danielle is hiding junk food in her room & binging; Uncle J Wants to take Danielle to my old pediatric endo yesterday based on his memories of me at that age..

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Kathy’s mom called and told me it was disgusting I “told a child a magic Pill undid (my) gluttony.” But I wasn’t a glutton. Until I got diagnosed, I thought I was vile and ugly. I’d hate for Danielle to feel the same whatever is the reason she’s fat and I’m not going to lie to her either.. Who’s the a**hole?

This woman’s advice to her cousin Danielle was a compassionate nudge toward health, not blame. By sharing her own medical journey—likely PCOS, as Danielle guessed—she offered hope that weight struggles might have a treatable cause. Kathy’s dismissal and her mother’s “gluttony” jab reveal a toxic lens, while Uncle Jim-Bob’s push for a doctor aligns with reason. Reddit’s support for a medical checkup echoes the need for answers, not assumptions.

Undiagnosed conditions like PCOS or thyroid issues affect weight in 10-20% of teens, per a 2023 Pediatric Endocrinology study. Danielle’s healthy habits with no results scream for evaluation, especially at 13 when early intervention can prevent lifelong issues. Kathy’s binge-eating theory, without evidence, risks shaming Danielle into worse self-esteem or disordered eating.

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Dr. Rachel Rodgers, a body image expert, says, “Empowering teens to seek medical clarity fosters resilience.” The woman’s careful framing—health over size—avoided harm, but Danielle’s self-diagnosis shows she’s desperate for answers. Kathy should prioritize a pediatric endocrinologist visit, as the woman’s uncle urges, to rule out conditions or address lifestyle factors. The woman could offer to join the appointment, reinforcing support without overstepping, as her empathy mirrors your past kindness to a struggling teen (April 17, 2025).

Kathy’s anger reflects fear of judgment, but her mother’s cruelty demands boundaries. The woman should stand firm, encouraging Danielle’s agency while distancing from toxic remarks. This saga shows health talks need care, not criticism.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit rallied behind the woman’s advice with fierce support. Here’s what they said:

Drusse0107 - NTA the mom should want the best for her daughter and to make sure there isn’t an underlying problem for her being overweight. You and your uncle are absolutely in the right here.

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nosir_nomaam - NTA!!! If your child is overweight, they need to be evaluated by a pediatrician, regardless of the reason. If this poor girl is already doing all the things that should typically result in weight loss, why on Earth would her mother not be concerned & want to see if there's anything else going on. Good for you, OP!

dbf06 - NTA. It's good to get checked out by a doctor. PCOS or thyroid issues are not uncommon in overweight people so it definitely helps to rule out those issues or treat them if diagnosed.

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ravianam - NTA you made an observation, if the girl is concerned that she’s working out and eating healthy and isn’t losing any weight then she should go to a doctor, because that isn’t normal. Yes it’s true everyone’s body is different and you don’t know what she’s doing on her own, her mom could be right, but there’s nothing wrong with seeing a doctor.

ashikat413 - NTA that girls parents are the assholes. Danielle definitely got the wrong idea from what you were trying to tell her, but she is not wrong in saying that if she is healthy but not at a healthy weight, then a doctor's insight would be very valuable.. Her parents sound judgemental and toxic as f**k. I feel so bad for that poor girl.

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hfarrands - NTA. You never told Danielle that she had the same condition as you, or even what your condition was at all. All you told her was that you were overweight because of circumstances out if your own control, and you suggested she sees a doctor. And frankly, if she’s been eating healthy and exercising for the past year with no results, she should see a doctor, even if it’s not PCOS.

Arete823 - NTA. And I kind of wonder if the reason Danielle figured out what your condition was is because she searched for her OWN symptoms when she realized it could be health related

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rusty0123 - NTA. There are a ton of medical issues that can make it difficult to lose weight and very easy to gain weight. All my life, I was mildly overweight. I couldn't stick to a diet and tormented myself wondering how other people found it so easy to drop 10 pounds, but I couldn't do it without making myself sick. Then I found out I had gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy.

(This was before the days of pre-diabetes, etc.) That's when I found out that at some point in my life I will probably develop diabetes, and that I needed to carefully monitor my nutrition.. The result of that monitoring meant significant weight loss.. Being overweight isn't a 'gluttony' issue. It's either medical, mental, or sometimes even economic.

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slydog4100 - YOU are NTA. One PCOSer to another, whether Danille is right or not, getting it checked out yesterday would be so much better for her long term. Correcting course at 13 could make a world of difference for her as an adult! And if she's insulin resistant like most of us, getting that in check will save her a lifetime of poor health and misery!

Sounds like her mother might be the sort who could be challenged into proving you wrong, since you're such a horrible person, so maybe play that angle? What's the harm in taking your kid to the doctor to prove she's not got PCOS and that she's indeed a fatty hiding junk food in her room? It's horrible for Danielle's self esteem, but it beats playing ostrich.

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faenyxrising - NTA that kid DOES need to go to a doctor, because either it is a physical health issue, or there is an eating disorder (either at play currently or about to come down the pipeline) and either way she needs some help. The fact that she sussed out what the problem was and landed on PCOS instead of the more obvious choice of say,

Thyroid, means she may actually have looked based on symptoms and doubly should be taken to a doctor. If nothing else, if she goes, gets tested, and is fine, then Kathy is vindicated and the whole thing gets put to bed. If she goes, gets tested, and there's a health issue? She gets treated and doesn't spend the next 10+ years suffering needlessly because she can't get diagnosed.

These heartfelt comments champion Danielle’s health, but do they miss Kathy’s perspective?

This woman’s words to Danielle lit a spark of hope, but family judgment dimmed it. Her call for a doctor’s visit was right—health isn’t a blame game. Kathy must listen, and Danielle deserves answers. What would you do to lift a teen above weight stigma? Drop your thoughts below!

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