AITA making my brother cry and refusing family therapy?

Years of favoritism and unchecked behavior can quietly build into unbreakable resentment. One older brother endured endless incidents where his younger sibling destroyed or stole his belongings with zero consequences, while his parents always expected him to forgive and move on.

The breaking point came when his hard-earned savings for a long-desired summer camp were stolen by his brother, again with no real punishment. After exploding in anger and declaring the relationship over, he now maintains total silence toward his family — even as his brother cries and his parents push for therapy.

‘AITA making my brother cry and refusing family therapy?’

The long history of unequal treatment created deep resentment from a very young age.

My parents let my brother (14) get away with everything. They were always so different with him than me (17) and it's not a guy/girl thing, we're both guys. This...

They'll let him do s__t to me and they expect me to be grown enough to not hold a grudge.. Some examples of the s__t and it starts from when...

He broke a console our grandparents gave me for Christmas because he was jealous of me getting that when he got different stuff, which was all on his list and...

My grandparents were PISSED and my parents refused to replace it or anything. We were like 7 and 10. I had birthday cupcakes that my best friend and his dad...

My brother ate all of them before my parents let me have one since they made me wait for the weekend to eat them. We were 10 and 13.

He stole a bunch of my school supplies because they were cooler and it was the night before school started. My parents let them keep them and I went into...

And I went to school with none of the required supplies. I got into a world of s__t from the teachers and my parents made me wait until the end...

He broke a school project I had just finished because he wanted to play with it. We were 13 and 16. That's only some examples but there are loads more.

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My parents say we can each have one assigned treat just for us but he can eat mine and face no consequences and they never replace them.

The final incident involved stolen savings and shattered trust.

An issue we had for years is they send my brother to whatever camp he wants to go to and mine are always rejected for being too expensive even though...

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So last year I asked my parents if I saved would they let me go this year and they said I'd need to cover 100% of the cost but yes....

Then my brother stole it. My parents had the money but he got into their room and stole it to buy a bunch of s__t. No consequence was given to...

I turned on them and said they were crappy parents and I told them to f__k off and a bunch of other s__t. Then I told my brother we weren't...

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That I was ignoring him and leaving ASAP and I hoped he was happy because he was nothing but a little s__t and I wished he'd never been born.

They treated it like a tantrum and believed nothing would change but I have refused to speak to all three of them. I avoid them. I go to school or...

My brother has tried talking to me and hanging out with me because I always gave in before and made time for him even after everything. Not this time.

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I have literally walked away when he tried to talk to me and I won't even look at him. And if I don't want to move I just ignore him....

The family now faces the consequences of years of inaction.

My brother started crying a few days ago and he said he was sorry and he didn't want me to hate him. But I kept ignoring him and it pissed...

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Then I broke my ignoring them rule when they said we should all be in family therapy because I told them I would never go with them and it's too...

They tried to punish me but my lack of reaction made them stop. And they have brought it up again since but I ignore them and now they're back to...

My reason for refusing family therapy is I know they won't change and when I lost my s__t on all of them I got everything off my chest that I...

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I'm ready to be done. Once I'm 18 I'll be out of here and it doesn't matter if they genuinely want to change now because I hate all three of...

Literally at this point I would be happy to never see them again and my brother being 14 with room to grow changes nothing because I don't care that he's...

The core problem is chronic favoritism and lack of accountability that created a toxic family dynamic. The older brother endured repeated theft, destruction of property, and emotional invalidation while his younger sibling faced no consequences. This pattern of unequal treatment eroded trust and built lasting resentment.

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The parents enabled the behavior by excusing the younger child and demanding the older one “be the grown-up.” This forced him into an unfair caregiver-like role, leaving him feeling unseen and undervalued. The final theft of his hard-earned money became the breaking point, pushing him to set permanent boundaries.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman has observed that “when parents consistently favor one child, it often leads to lifelong sibling estrangement and deep wounds of injustice in the less-favored child.” Here, the older brother’s silence is a protective response after years of having his feelings dismissed.

Refusing therapy is understandable when he believes change is impossible and insincere. He could consider individual counseling to process the grief and anger while planning his exit. Once he turns 18, low or no contact may be the healthiest path to rebuild his life free from ongoing harm.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The online community strongly supported the original poster, viewing his actions as a justified response to years of abuse and favoritism. Almost every comment called the parents and brother AHs and urged him to escape as soon as possible.

Most readers praised his boundaries and suggested practical steps for independence.

Substantialgood4102 − NTA. Can you move in with other relatives? Grandparents, uncles or aunts? Start collecting your documents now. See if you can open a bank account with your Grandparents...

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I wouldn't speak to the parents until they replaced everything your brother has broken or stolen from you. Give them a list down to the last item you can remember....

Ambitious-Border-906 − You are cursed, the curse of the golden child! NTA, clearly, and good for you standing your ground.

MediaSea3696 − NTA, while silent treatment can be abusive, I believe it is very much warranted in this case. I was treated like this to an extent where my stepmother...

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G-reeper66 − NTA Do not give them an inch

shammy_dammy − NTA. You'll be 18 soon and can just start cutting these people off. No reason to be in contact ever again.

Happyweekend69 − NTA, move out when you can. They never gonna learn, when the police shows up to tell them he stole or done something else they will still not...

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A child raised without consequences is gonna be an adult who gonna have a real hard time cause nobody gonna be lenient anymore, friends, work or police

Lann42016 − I’d tell parents when bro replaces every single thing he’s stolen and damaged of mine and they make him face consequences then I’ll consider talking to them again

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but they all have 14 years to make up for so better start soon. I hope you’re saving your money for escape on your 18th birthday.

Many others emphasized the long-term damage of favoritism and encouraged complete detachment.

grayblue_grrl − NTA. Unforgivable things are unforgivable for reasons like this. I looked at my childhood as a prison sentence and it wasn't this bad, although it got worse for...

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As soon as I finished high school and got my first full time job, I was out of the house two weeks later. My mother was shocked and probably horrified,...

I suggest you do the same -BUT do well in school and apply for scholarships or find a trade you want to get into, so you have a "career" to...

Focus all your energy on the future. It will give you hope and you will be building something. Good luck. You got 1.5-2 more years to do.

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MattDaveys − saying the silent treatment is abusive to all three of them. Time to break your rule just one more time. “And I wonder where I could have learned...

EmancipatedFish − NTA, family therapy will literally just be them lying to the therapist about how you’ve always been the problem child in comparison to your innocent never-done-anything-wrong brother.

It’s honestly rich that they’re calling the silent treatment ‘abusive’ when they’ve allowed their darling golden child to live a consequence-free life even after STEALING YOUR MONEY.

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If he were an adult and did that he’d be arrested, that’s the future your parents are setting him up for and it’s a guarantee they’ll try to pin the...

I’d honestly just keep ignoring them, show them that their inaction has consequences, and when you’re ready move out and cut contact.

A smaller group offered creative ways to use therapy or legal options while fully supporting his stance.

Double_Shelter_2530 − How much money was it and can you prove it was yours? ....call the police and file a report . As a mother I could never treat one...

I hope you're saving and hiding the money under lock and key. Can you stay with our grandparents until you turn 18? Go to college and don't tell them anything.

bdayqueen − NTA - If you decide to talk at them, tell them you'll go to therapy only so you can tell a stranger what s__tty parents they are.

Azsura12 − NTA But agree to the family therapy and actually speak nothing but the truth. You dont have to apologize or participate in anything you dont want to. So...

You only have to participate in the parts you want to participate in. Just be like "So the final straw was me saving up to finally go to the summer...

which in the past I was always told was too expensive even though brother goes on more expensive summer camps than I do. And he went and stole the money...

I got consequences of not being able to go to the camp but he got off scott free. This along with the fact he steals my school supplies and sets...

The parents who treat me differently then they do him just because he is younger but when I was younger I was never allowed the same grace. So yeah I...

One of the things I hear is that brother is younger and has time to change. But so what, he will not change if he does not have the impetus...

And well my parents have showed me, what they think about me through their actions. And they are old enough that "growing through change" doesnt really apply in this situation.

They know exactly what they are doing and are going to sit here and act innocent like I am some sort of bully for breaking when well there is no...

And also well changing now does not heal any of the pain which got to this point. Idk why it had to reach this point before we went to therapy.

I guess its because I am growing a spine and treating brother for what he is, which is not my brother and just the person who steals from me and...

And well because you know I am not going to have much contact with either of you once I am 18 and can get out of the house. Because you...

So what I am expecting out of this therapy session is for the therapist to get parents and brother to come to terms that they have killed any relationship we...

Interesting-End1710 − NTA I'm of the belief that parents that have a favorite/golden child are abusive. Period. But since that kind of abuse doesn't leave any visible scars people will...

Your parents = major AHs, brother, I vote s__iopath AH. Have a solid escape plan OP. Find support structures outside of your parents that can't be manipulated or influenced.

Safe places to keep valuables and important things/documents. Good chance your parents are narcissistic enough to sabotage your attempts.

Learn to live minimalistically, your possessions will be used against you, attachment is a weakness they will exploit. adopt a mentality that you are an orphan, because you need to...

Don't be like so many others who have had to endure decades of abuse, belittlement and invalidation because you still feel that primal urge for mommy and daddy's approval. Good...

Emergency_Exit_4714 − NTA Your parents and brother are AHs, though Good for you for establishing boundaries, focusing on yourself, and moving away from the shitshow

This story reveals how unchecked favoritism can destroy sibling and parent-child bonds beyond repair. Years of stolen belongings, destroyed projects, and zero accountability left the older brother feeling invisible and expendable. His decision to cut contact is a hard but logical boundary after repeated violations.

The parents’ sudden push for therapy feels hollow when they only act after consequences hit them. Protecting his peace and planning his exit shows strength, not cruelty. The younger brother’s tears come too late to undo the damage.

Have you ever had to draw a permanent line with family after years of unfair treatment? Would you consider therapy if you believed real change was impossible, or focus solely on your own future? How much forgiveness should be expected when someone repeatedly chooses harm over fairness?

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