AITA – I’ve permanently stopped being open with my wife?

In a bustling home filled with the laughter of three kids, a 32-year-old man once found solace in his decade-long marriage to his 35-year-old wife. Their life—complete with a cozy house and her role as a stay-at-home mom—seemed solid, despite past hiccups. But a recent discovery shattered his trust: she’d been sharing their private texts, from heated arguments to intimate moments, with friends, even after promising to stop. Now, he’s a fortress, guarding every word as if it’s destined for a group chat.

This isn’t just about spilled secrets; it’s a poignant tale of trust crumbling under betrayal’s weight. His love for her battles his refusal to be vulnerable, dimming their romance to a flicker. As he buries himself in work, can they rebuild what’s broken, or is silence the new normal? It’s a story that stings with quiet heartbreak.

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‘AITA – I’ve permanently stopped being open with my wife?

His pain and withdrawal unfold in a raw Reddit post, revealing the breach that changed his marriage. Here’s his story, straight from the heart:

I’ve (32M) been with my wife (35FM) for a decade now and for the most part we have a functional life. 3 smart kids, own our house, she’s a SAH mom, I make okay money and we make life work……but our interpersonal relationship is getting worse.

We’ve both done our fair share of stupid s**t to each other over the course of our marriage but we always found our way back to making it work, but this last infraction I can’t seem to get passed. Whenever we talk about something that should be confidential, she shares details with her close friends. This has been an issue for me over the course of our marriage. It could be anything, and I mean anything. Especially over text.

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She’s taken screenshots of my texts in arguments, in conversations s** (good and bad) , family and finance conversations…. There seems to be no limit to what’s been shared. I confronted her about this before, and she seemingly understood and apologized; but to my surprise, I found a screenshot of another conversation we had being sent to her friend just recently.

Once I found this out, I felt somewhat abused by it and now I shut her out completely. I approach every interaction with her now as if someone else will be reviewing it later. I refuse to be vulnerable or open. I essentially reverted to putting up a representative of my true self whenever I communicate with her. I love her to death but I don’t trust her anymore.

She knows something is up, and I refuse to tell her because I know it will end up being another discussion with someone else… I don’t confide in her anymore, the romance is kind of gone, we s**ew every so often but it’s more animalistic.

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I spend more time at work and if we’re not watching something together I don’t really express much. I don’t want a divorce because that would destroy the life we built. Am I the a**hole? How would you deal?

This man’s retreat into an emotional bunker stems from his wife’s relentless sharing of their private life, a betrayal that cuts deeper with each screenshot sent. From arguments to bedroom talk, her disregard for boundaries—despite apologies—has left him feeling exposed and abused. His shift to a guarded “representative” self, devoid of vulnerability, protects him but starves their connection, turning intimacy into something mechanical.

Privacy breaches erode trust. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 35% of couples report trust issues when personal details are shared outside the relationship, often leading to emotional distance (source: Journal of Family Issues). Her actions, intentional or habitual, signal a lack of respect for his boundaries.

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Dr. Brené Brown, a vulnerability expert, notes, “Trust is built in small moments; breaking it through oversharing demands repair through accountability” (source: Daring Greatly). Brown’s insight suggests the wife must own her actions fully to rebuild. His silence, while self-preserving, risks further disconnection.

He should initiate a calm talk, saying, “I feel betrayed when our private talks are shared; we need clear boundaries.” Couples therapy, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), could foster accountability. Individual therapy, through BetterHelp (source: BetterHelp), might help him process betrayal. Setting firm rules, like no screenshots, is key.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s dishing out some spicy takes on this marriage’s trust meltdown—get ready for candid, no-filter reactions!

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shyfidelity − I don’t want a divorce because that would destroy the life we built.*. What life?

ApartScene9059 − NTA: But i would say if you don't trust your partner and she consistently breaks your trust you should end the marriage.

CommercialTopic9937 − Make her get a job so she won't have so much time to spend on the phone.

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ARM8181 − I feel you, you’re stuck in l**bo, you worked your ass off to get where you are in life, but you’re stuck with somebody who sucks and you can’t trust. So sometimes the scale balance is in your favor and sometimes it doesn’t, and you teeter totter back-and-forth so it’s hard to make a decision.

I get it. I don’t think you’re the a**hole. I just think you need to either man up and leave her, or man up and get her to marriage counselor and get this in the open. Either way you need to man up and get this s**t fixed. No amount of flex seal is gonna stop the water of mistrust it’s pouring into your marriage boat. You got a man up and make it happen.

YakIntelligent5490 − I tried to be open with my ex-wife and she punished me every time for it. I stopped telling her my feelings until I told her I wanted a divorce. After that, she wanted me to open up to her... too late.

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Fragrant_Spray − When someone shows you that confidential conversations aren’t confidential, and they don’t intend to change that in the future, I think you need to deal with all interactions like they’re going to be on public display.

Keep in mind, your wife will probably become more shady in what she shares with others (like deliberately hiding context or outright lying), because I suspect she wasn’t looking for honest advice, she’s looking for validation.. In the end, though, you have a larger problem than just this that you’ll have to deal with.

Cybermagetx − Yta to yourself. Your wife never grew out of middle/high school mentality of sharing everying with her friends.. She wont change. She doesn't respect you or yalls marriage.

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rocketmn69_ − Make a bullet presentation and tell her that she can blab it to the world.. My wife has no filter, she blabs everything to friends and family. My wife doesn't love me or she wouldn't blab personal things to friends and family. My wife will never have me open up and be vulnerable to her again, because she would blab it to her friends and family.

I don't want to come home anymore, because my wife might use anything I say against me and blab it to friends and family. My wife should to go to therapy, so that she doesn't blab private things to friends and family. My wife will definitely blab this l**t to friends and family.

Friends and family don't need to know my d**k size, how I use it or what we do in bed, my wife will blab this to friends and family. My wife blab to friends and family, that I am the problem and doesn't listen to any of my concerns. Print it out and leave it for her to find.

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Legal_Significance45 − The word is BOUNDARIES!. He stated a valid boundary, she obviously has none.  Either pursue some hardcore therapy or get a divorce there's no gray area unless you want to live like the hell you're currently living.

Specific_Carrot_6554 − Whatever you do definitely don’t say anything of consequence in text messages anymore. She can’t share screenshots if she doesn’t have any.

These Redditors are serving up raw advice, but are they hitting the mark, or just adding static?

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This man’s story is a gut-wrenching portrait of love shadowed by betrayal, with his wife’s reckless sharing driving him into an emotional vault. Their once-vibrant marriage now hums with distance, as he guards his heart to avoid further exposure. Can a raw, honest talk—or therapy—mend their bond, or is trust too far gone? What would you do when a partner’s loose lips shatter your confidence? Drop your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s dive into this!

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