AITA in this context with my husband?

In a cozy but tense home, a 39-year-old mother rocked her 5-month-old, her head throbbing from a brutal headache. Her 43-year-old husband, also sick, lay in bed, griping about vomiting blood but waving off doctors or medicine. After she braved the market for soup ingredients, his dramatic complaint met her practical reply, igniting a firestorm. His profanity-laced rant—accusing her of neglect—clashed with her exhaustion from juggling baby care and illness, pushing her to the brink of walking out.

This isn’t just about a sick day spat; it’s a raw glimpse into a marriage strained by postpartum demands, mismatched expectations, and unspoken resentments. With a baby crying and her own pain ignored, she wonders if she’s the problem or if he’s blind to her burden. Can they bridge this gap, or is the rift too deep? It’s a story that aches with realness.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA in this context with my husband?’

Her frustration and fleeting urge to flee pour out in a candid Reddit post, capturing the fight that shook her family. Here’s her story, tender and unfiltered:

My husband is 43 years old, I'm 39. We had a baby 5 months ago (who takes up the typical amount of time for a baby of that age). Today my husband and I both woke up sick - I had a severe headache while he had stomach pain with indigestion and vomiting. He tends to be a man who exaggerates his symptoms; we've been together for 12 years and I've noticed this over time.

I asked if we should go to the doctor, he said no. I asked if he needed any medicine from the pharmacy, he said no. We slept as a family for a couple of hours, and when my baby woke up, I decided to go to the market and buy ingredients for a chicken soup (that kind of soup for sick people) When I came back, he looked at me from the bed and said, 'I vomited blood in the sink,' and I replied, 'You must have your esophagus very irritated.

ADVERTISEMENT

Please vomit in the toilet next time,' and from there everything escalated. He told me “go f*ck yourself”, that I had ignored him all day, that he always takes care of me when I'm sick, and blah blah. I thought about the soup that was cooking in the kitchen, thought about the baby crying in my arms after feeling the tense atmosphere between us, and I wanted to end the relationship, leaving and not coming back.

It sounds exaggerated, but it's not the first time we've fought when he gets sick. I guess he expects me to cuddle him and be by his side all the time, which is impossible with my baby, but I feel like he still hasn't realized how demanding it is to care for a baby, and that probably has me exhausted too.

I've never been an affectionate woman and he knows it; I feel like he wants to get something from me that doesn't exist. And my headache it’s still there, because like the mother i am if I get sick nobody cares.. I don't know if I'm the problem or if there's something I'm not seeing. What do you think?

ADVERTISEMENT

This mother’s clash with her husband lays bare the crushing weight of postpartum life, amplified by illness and unequal emotional labor. Managing a 5-month-old while sick, she still shopped for soup, yet his dramatic claim of vomiting blood—without seeking help—demanded attention she couldn’t give. His explosive reaction, cursing and accusing her of neglect, reflects unmet expectations for coddling, ignoring her own pain and the baby’s relentless needs. Her lack of affection, a known trait, clashes with his apparent need for nurturing, a pattern exacerbated by their current stress.

Postpartum periods test partnerships. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that 40% of new parents report heightened conflict when caregiving roles are imbalanced, especially during illness (source: Journal of Marriage and Family). His symptom exaggeration, noted over 12 years, may signal emotional needs, but his outburst dismisses her reality.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Empathy turns conflict into connection; dismissing a partner’s burden fuels resentment” (source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Gottman’s insight suggests a need for mutual acknowledgment—she’s stretched thin, he feels unseen. A calm talk, like, “I’m overwhelmed with the baby and sickness; let’s share the load,” could reset them.

ADVERTISEMENT

She should urge him to see a doctor for his symptoms, as vomiting blood may indicate serious issues (source: Mayo Clinic). Couples therapy, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), can align expectations. Individual therapy, through BetterHelp (source: BetterHelp), might help her manage exhaustion and resentment.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s serving up some spicy takes on this mom’s sick-day showdown—get ready for raw, no-filter reactions!

cheyletiellayasguri − INFO: Did your husband vomit blood, or was there a little blood in his vomit? Those are two very different things. You could have been kinder about where he vokited; maybe he only made it to the sink (which is better than the floor).

ADVERTISEMENT

BoogieKnights9 − NTA. He's a grown man. You asked about going to the doctor, he declined. You are making him soup and taking care of the baby without his help. What else does he want from you? He wants attention. Maybe suggest he calls his mom?

BoiledChicken653 − Yeah that sounds like your husband is jealous of the attention you give your baby, typical. And the thing he doesn't get is, you have to do this, the baby can't care for himself! And here you are getting some soup, which I think was for both of you, and he just wants to have you pooh-poohing him and his needs. I don't blame you, enough is enough, you are not the a**hole, he is.

And to tell you, the mother of his baby to f*** off, that's zero respect. People will say, he's not feeling well, it's the pain talking, but no, you're sick too, and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. In your shoes I'd have a long think about it, is this what you can always expect? If you were feeling well, yeah, give him some fuss, but with a headache, a baby, and having to summon the wherewithal to go buy some soup, who's taking care of you?

ADVERTISEMENT

LowBalance4404 − which is impossible with my baby. This phrase says it all. 'MY' baby. Not ours, but mine. I'm gathering from that that you do all of the work and you've already mentally left. NTA.

ProfessorDistinct835 − I think you just had a baby 5 months ago and you're still in your feels. And your husband sounds like he does act like a baby when he's sick.. (BTW, vomiting blood is worth a trip to the ER. Just saying.). When you're feeling better, take a step back and evaluate the relationship. See professional guidance if you can.. Good luck OP. You are NTA.

shattered7done1 − The OP knows her husband and knows that he tends to exaggerate his symptoms. She offered to take him to the doctor and he declined -- possibly because he really isn't all that sick. She asked him if he needed medication and he declined -- possibly because he really isn't all that sick. She saw the bathroom sink, and cleaned it up.

ADVERTISEMENT

I sincerely doubt if there had been even a trace of blood she would have been anything but sympathetic. At this point the OP is taking care of him, the baby, herself, and any tasks that need to be done. A little consideration on his part would not have impacted him negatively, but would have made his wife's day a little bit easier.

Her husband, on the other hand appears not be have been in the least concerned about her also being ill. She had a severe headache, which could have been any number of types of headaches, some even being potentially fatal. Rather than trying to work as a team, he was demanding all the attention, even at the expense of their infant.

She tried to take care of him, but it wasn't to his satisfaction. Telling your spouse to 'go \*f\* yourself' is hardly an inducement for anyone to go the extra mile when taking care of someone.

ADVERTISEMENT

NTA. When you are feeling better, you might want to take a long hard look at the state of your marriage and whether or not it is worth keeping. As it stands, your husband is quite the A H. He owes you a heartfelt apology at the very least.

ExtensionIssue3560 − NTA....you said it wasn't blood...he's just a drama queen.. Instead of swearing at you..he should be saying..thanks for doing everything today.. My husband would never talk to me like that , or else he would be bleeding...

PuzzleheadedPop9459 − NTA for your feelings.His expectations are unreasonable right now. I would have insisted on urgent care for the blood… or not blood. It actually helps either way.. They might even get him anti-emetics. It makes the day easier in the long run. . I have never had to clean up another adult’s vomit. Never.  I had an esophageal ulcer and vomited blood. While caring for a baby. I was able to get my mom to babysit and I went to the doctor.

ADVERTISEMENT

I  found out I just had GERD and didn’t know, I thought I just had that terrible heartburn pregnant women always talk about and thought  it hadn’t gone away yet. My baby was brand spanking  new. I was up all hours nursing, changing, cleaning, and throwing up every 30 minutes. My husband just couldn’t get up because his stomach hurt to much. He never even threw up.

I lost my ability to care for capable adults that day. I used to have all kinds of empathy. Until my husband and I were sick at the same time with a baby, I would have been all heart and sympathy. It evaporated.. It did something to me. It broke something in me. I can’t explain it.  I fake sympathy now. I make mine go to the doctor for everything little thing now because I am terrified of the boy who cried wolf scenario and me not doing the things resulting in death it injury.

When we both had covid he couldn’t get up and I had to be up with two kiddos bu then.  I was so miserable. He TANKED and grew serious. I had to take him to an urgent care outside our crowded hospital for two weeks every day. He recovered but he had to be checked every day because he was bad enough to be in the hospital normally, but not as bad as the people already in there. I was so glad I wasn’t mean. I am a bottle-upper.

ADVERTISEMENT

I was so thankful for my fake sympathy then.  NOW they are finding out that people who walked around during the earlier phases and who got up to walk around a couple of times a day had better outcomes and walking around a little is encouraged. So maybe it saved me?

But anyway. I get how you feel. I would absolutely feel the same way. I make the soup, bring the juice, blah blah blah. But I get it. . He doesn’t understand he is lucky he gets to be sick in bed. That’s a luxury in early parenthood. 

Bubbly_Wish8315 − When you are the mom there is no “sick” time especially if the husband/man is sick. Somehow we are expected to just carry on taking care of the kids and then the cough cough sick baby-man.

ADVERTISEMENT

We’ve been married for decades and the worst arguments have been when the husband is sick or injured. One time we were on vacation in another country I got food poisoning ended up in hospital. Husband left me there overnight alone (nurses didn’t speak my language) so he didn’t miss a day of skiing.

ComfortableSoft113 − Not the a**hole. He is super dramatic and has some sort of underlying issue mummy issues when it comes to getting attention! I had an ex that always got headaches when I stayed over and he used to even say out loud 'I don't need to be sick to be loved' the first time I got sick when I was with this guy he isolated me so he wouldn't get sick, men who are needy when sick are a massive ICK. I'd be leaving his sorry sooky ass.

These Redditors are dishing bold advice, but are they on the mark, or just stirring the pot?

ADVERTISEMENT

This woman’s story is a heart-wrenching snapshot of postpartum strain, where a sick-day spat with her husband spirals into thoughts of leaving. Juggling a newborn, her own illness, and his demands for care, her practical response to his dramatic complaints sparked a fiery clash, exposing deeper rifts. Can they rebuild with empathy and shared responsibility, or will exhaustion win? What would you do when a partner’s needs clash with a baby’s demands? Drop your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s unpack this!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *