AITA I told my parents they birthed a disabled child so they just have to live with it?

Living with multiple disabilities can be challenging enough without the added strain of feeling like your family is obligated to cater to every need. In this story, a 22-year-old woman—diagnosed early with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, low muscle tone, anxiety, and a degree of vision impairment—recounts a painful interaction with her parents.

When she asked her dad for a ride due to a missed bus, his frustration led him to suggest that it would be easier if she could drive. In response, she bluntly remarked that having a disabled child means her parents have to live with these limitations. This harsh comment sparked outrage from her parents, who accused her of being disrespectful, while opinions in the online community remain divided on whether her reaction was justified.

‘AITA I told my parents they birthed a disabled child so they just have to live with it?’

Dr. Sabrina Lee, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics and disability issues, explains that reactions in these scenarios are often complex. “When a family member uses language that appears to dismiss or minimize the challenges associated with disabilities, it can create a deep emotional rift,” she notes. “In situations like this, the comment may be a defense mechanism—a way for a parent to cope with their own frustrations or helplessness regarding the limitations imposed by a child’s condition.”

Dr. Lee also points out that while it is important for individuals with disabilities to advocate for their needs, the way that advocacy is communicated matters. “Blunt language, especially in the heat of a moment, can sometimes be perceived as entitlement rather than honest expression of hardship. However, it is also crucial for families to have open and empathetic discussions about expectations and responsibilities.” She emphasizes that mutual understanding and communication are key.

“Both sides need to acknowledge that disability isn’t just a personal burden; it affects the entire family system. It might be helpful to explore additional support systems or subsidized transportation options rather than assuming that parental help will always be available.” Dr. Lee concludes, “Ultimately, each family must negotiate these challenges in a way that preserves respect and care. A harsh comment may be a cry for acknowledgment of the difficulties, but it can also alienate those who may feel unfairly burdened.”

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The responses on Reddit were divided. Many commenters empathized with the storyteller’s frustration, noting that expecting lifelong chauffeuring can be unrealistic, especially when medical advice clearly states that driving isn’t an option. Some expressed that her blunt remark was a necessary, if harsh, expression of a long-standing burden and that parents should not be expected to constantly rearrange their lives for an adult child with disabilities.

Conversely, a few users argued that the way she expressed herself came off as entitled and that, as an adult, she should work towards independence rather than relying on her parents. This camp suggested exploring available services or even applying for disability benefits to ease the dependence on family. Overall, the consensus leans toward sympathy for her situation, though opinions differ on whether her response was too harsh.

This story raises important questions about the balance between independence and familial responsibility. When medical advice limits what one can do, the expectation for parental support may feel both necessary and overwhelming.

Yet, the way we communicate our frustrations matters—both for our own well-being and for the relationships we depend on. The storyteller’s candid remark was born out of deep-seated frustration, but it has also sparked a broader conversation about support systems for adults with disabilities.

What do you think? Have you or someone you know faced similar challenges with balancing independence and family support? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, and let’s discuss how families can navigate these difficult dynamics with compassion and understanding.