AITA I locked myself in the basement for 4 hours and didn’t help my wife with the baby?

A new dad, bleary-eyed from a sleepless night with his colic baby, expected a break after his wife’s day out. Instead, she stumbled home at 4 AM, drunk, leaving him to solo-parent their 2-month-old. By afternoon, still exhausted, he retreated to the basement for a nap, locking the door. His wife’s anger ignited a fight—was he wrong? This Reddit story captures the raw strain of new parenthood.

The clash exposes the chaos of unmet expectations and unspoken needs. With a colic baby testing their limits, the couple’s agreement unraveled, leaving readers to pick sides. Let’s dive into the post and Reddit’s reactions to unravel this domestic drama.

‘AITA I locked myself in the basement for 4 hours and didn’t help my wife with the baby?’

I(30m) and my wife(29f) have been married for 4 years now. we have a 2 month old daughter. My wife is a SAHM and I work as a software engineer. I work remotely so it hasn't been that awful to split responsibilities. We decided that we would be taking turns this weekend to take time for ourselves.

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Yesterday, my wife went with her friends for a girls' day out. She said she'd be back by around 8 pm and to not wait for her to eat dinner together. At around 8:30 pm I called her because she still hadn't come home. She told me her friends were planning to have a sleepover as well and she requested me to take care of our baby tonight.

Before I could reply, she hung up on me. The thing is our daughter, Rose, is colic so she doesn't sleep well. we usually take turns taking care of her because she cries a lot and it is very hard for one person to watch over her. I had to stay up all night yesterday with Rose. My wife came home at 4 am and she was completely drunk.  she just blacked out on the bed immediately after coming home.

At around 8 am, I got us fries, nuggets, burgers, and drinks for both of us(a strawberry milkshake and cold coffee for myself; a blueberry soda and espresso for her). At around 9 am my wife woke up and said she felt very sick and asked me if I could take care of Rose for a few more hours so that she could eat breakfast and rest for a little bit.

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I was exhausted at that point because I hadn't slept all night yesterday but agreed. I was really annoyed with her at that point though because today was supposed to be a break for me and her getting drunk wasn't part of the plan. We both had breakfast and she went back to bed. I was scrolling insta while waiting for my wife to wake up.

At 1 pm, she hadn't woken up yet and I ended up having to cancel my lunch plan with my friends. I was beyond angry at that point but decided to wait for her to wake up instead of waking her up. She finally woke up at 3 pm. I handed Rose to my wife and told her I'm going to the basement to watch a movie and take a nap.

I also asked her not to disturb me until I came out on my own unless there was an emergency. I made myself a few grilled cheese sandwiches and took the strawberry shake with me to the basement. I set up an air mattress and some pillows, then locked the basement door.

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Then I watched a few episodes of my favorite show. ended up falling asleep midway through the show and woke up around 7 pm to 40 missed calls from my wife. when I went up to check on her and the baby, she said that I was very irresponsible and rude for leaving her alone with the baby for so long.

I got mad and told her 'at least I didn't get blackout drunk and leave you to take care of a colic baby for more than a day on your own without any sleep.' She started crying and told me I was horrible for guilting her like that.. AITA?

Parenting a newborn can feel like navigating a storm with no compass, especially when agreements fall apart. This dad’s basement retreat highlights a classic clash: balancing individual needs with shared responsibilities. Both parents were stretched thin, but the wife’s unplanned night out and lack of communication tipped the scales. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the wife’s failure to check in eroded that trust, leaving her husband feeling abandoned.

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From the dad’s perspective, he honored their deal, stepping up despite exhaustion. The wife, however, prioritized her social time, returning incapacitated and unable to share the load. Her 4 AM return and prolonged recovery disrupted their mutual agreement, fueling his resentment. This isn’t just about one night—it reflects broader issues of communication and respect in partnerships.

Zooming out, a 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of new parents report increased conflict due to uneven task division (APA). The colic baby added pressure, making clear communication vital. The wife’s hungover state and the dad’s retreat signal a need for better boundaries and empathy.

For solutions, experts suggest open dialogue and structured breaks. Couples can schedule “check-ins” to align expectations, ensuring neither feels overwhelmed. If trust has frayed, small gestures—like the dad’s breakfast run—can rebuild it, but only with mutual effort.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of fiery support and witty jabs. Here’s a peek at the crowd’s candid takes, straight from the comments section.

Cavolatan − Your wife is so wrong, really stunningly wrong, first for staying out until four, second for drinking so hard she was still feeling bad at 1 pm, and then for having the chutzpah to yell at you for taking a four hour nap

AND ALSO at the same time it’s just super duper hard to have a tiny baby with colic. If you can afford a night nanny for a couple nights it might be worth paying for some respite, which will feel even better than the satisfaction of knowing your wife is the AH.. NTA, and hang in there!

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ExpressionMundane244 − NTA. I dont get all this people judging OP. They both needed the day off. They had a deal. She broke the deal. He was very nice to her and give her more free hours from HIS own time. And yet she cant deal with her own baby for an afternoon?! I get babies are exausting, comes with the territory. Mom is a SAHM, needs a break. But, OP is exausted too!.

He was taking care of his baby (who doesnt sleep well) for more than 24H all alone! The mom needs a reality check. She was the one who choose to get drunk when she full knew that the next day she needed to take care of a baby. Edit to add: STOP saying that no one judge OP. First read ALL COMMENTS and then you can talk about it.

terayonjf − NTA you have a system of sharing responsibilities. She abandoned the responsibility and didn't even have the decency to communicate her plans properly just repeatedly leave you in positions where you had no choice.

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You take a rest for a few hours and you're the problem? You communicated that you were hungry, tired and needed a rest. You took very minimal time to satisfy those needs and she's trying to manipulate the situation because she absolutely knows she was so in the wrong every step of the way.

digi_captor − NTA and I assure you, if you were a woman complaining about your husband going out to drink until 4am and getting drunk and irresponsible like this, there would be ZERO NAH/ESH. Can’t understand the mental gymnastics needed to justify the horrible behaviour by your wife.

RemozThaGod − She started crying and told me I was horrible for guilting her like that.. she said that I was very irresponsible and rude for leaving her alone with the baby for so long.. Pot? Have you met Kettle?

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Lady couldn't handle 4 hours with 11 hours of sleep and gets mad at you when you're a little grouchy after watching a 2 month old for 19 hours with no sleep then getting less than four hours of sleep after the fact. I would be livid.

Ok-Classic8323 − NTA. definitely not the AH.. She is taking the p**s, sorry you have every right to be angry.. She got blind drunk and stayed out till 4am, ruined your day and then calls you irresponsible.. Edited to remove the British turn of phrase

cmajka8 − Slightly off topic here but did you say you got burgers, fries, and milkshakes at 8 am?!

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MissTick27 − I’m surprised your wife stayed out partying till 4am with a child that young! Maybe she needed it but she knew that she’d agreed to have the baby the next day. She needs to give you some more ‘me time’ on another weekend.

ICareAboutThings25 − NTA based on the information here. She should have communicated her needs well in advance if she needed more time than she originally said. And you two agreed in advance that you needed time too.

vvxlrac_ir − I ***HATE*** when people pull the 'oh you called me on my actions, that means you're guilting me and youre worse!' s**t.. NTA, tell your wife to be a better mother

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These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just Reddit’s signature spice? One thing’s clear: the community felt the dad’s exhaustion loud and clear.

This tale of a basement nap and a hungover morning lays bare the chaos of new parenthood. Both parents were pushed to their limits, but the wife’s spark of communication failure lit a fuse. Was the dad wrong to lock the door, or was his retreat a desperate grab for sanity? The Reddit crowd leaned hard into his corner, but the truth lies in the messy middle. What would you do if you were juggling a colic baby and a partner who dropped the ball? Share your stories and hot takes below—let’s keep this conversation rocking!

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