AITA: I got a hotel this Christmas because I wasn’t comfortable with sleeping arrangements at my parents house?

A Christmas homecoming turns tense when a person arrives at their parents’ house, expecting a secure sleeping space, only to find a pull-out couch in an open home office with no doors or locks. Due to PTSD-related sleep needs—requiring a locked room or trusted company—they book a nearby hotel, unwilling to compromise on rest despite their parents’ assurances that the house is safe with family.

This isn’t just about a bed—it’s a clash of personal boundaries and family expectations. The parents, hurt by the hotel choice, feel their efforts dismissed, while gossip fuels holiday strain. Reddit largely backs the person’s decision, prioritizing their mental health. As festive cheer falters, this story unfolds a delicate balance of self-care and family ties.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA: I got a hotel this Christmas because I wasn’t comfortable with sleeping arrangements at my parents house?’

For personal reasons, I don't really feel comfortable sleeping many places. I'm only really comfortable sleeping alone in a locked room, sleeping with my fiance in his locked apartment, or sleeping over a friend's apartment if they lock the area we're sleeping in. So if that friend lives alone, the doors and windows need to be locked.

If they've got roommates, the bedroom door needs to be locked. (Edit because there's a lotta speculation... The personal reasons are ptsd related, I've been seeing a therapist for a few years) I can't fall asleep in common areas of a house or apartment unless I'm sure the only people who have access to the place are my boyfriend or my closest friends.

Same goes for an unlocked bedroom in a house or apartment.. I can't share a bedroom and fall asleep unless I'm sharing with someone I know very well and trust. Basically, I need a lock between me and people I'm not super close with, to be able to sleep. And that list of people I'm really close to is short, it's my fiance, and my three closest friends.

ADVERTISEMENT

My parents know all this, and they said that they'd have something set up when I came home for Christmas. So I came home and my parents had given me a pull out couch in the home office, which is on the ground floor and has two doorways without doors, let alone locks. One into the sitting room and one into the hallway.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep there, so I asked my mom why she'd given me that room. She said that she needed to give the beds to my grandparents, and my two pregnant cousins and their husbands. I said OK, I wasn't about to ask any of them to switch, but I was going to get a hotel when in town, because I wanted to be able to get good rest.

And my mom got upset, she said that she knows I need a locked for between me and the people I don't know, and they'll lock the house. Everyone staying over is family. I said I just don't know them that well that I've got that comfort level, there are very few people I'd sleep in front of.

ADVERTISEMENT

My mom and dad were mad I got a hotel, since it's 30 minutes away even though it was the closest option I could afford. They were also mad about how it seemed like family wasn't on my mental 'most trusted' list but honestly I think they were misunderstanding it... I just can't get that close to people I see once or twice a year.

It also made Christmas strained, someone must have told everyone that I was sleeping in a hotel because I was 'scared of falling asleep in front of them' which caused some hard feelings. I don't know who gossipped, but whatever.. Aita, I got a hotel this Christmas and my family is upset.

This holiday conflict reveals the challenge of balancing mental health needs with family dynamics. The OP’s PTSD-driven requirement for a locked sleeping space reflects a coping mechanism to manage anxiety, but the parents’ failure to provide a suitable setup—offering an open office couch—left the OP feeling unsafe. Their hotel choice was a practical step to ensure rest, though it hurt their family’s feelings.

ADVERTISEMENT

PTSD affects sleep for 70% of sufferers, often requiring specific conditions for safety. Dr. Rachel Yehuda, a PTSD specialist, notes, “Trauma survivors need control over their environment to feel secure.” The OP’s clear communication about their needs highlights their effort to set boundaries, but the parents’ misunderstanding suggests a gap in empathy.

The parents’ upset, while understandable, overlooks the OP’s mental health reality. A more collaborative approach, like discussing alternative setups or acknowledging the OP’s needs, could have prevented the rift. The gossip that followed only deepened the strain.

The OP and family could benefit from open dialogue. The OP might share more about their PTSD to foster understanding, while the parents could validate their needs without taking the hotel choice personally. Therapy or family counseling could help bridge this gap, ensuring future gatherings respect everyone’s comfort.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit largely supports the OP as NTA, affirming their right to prioritize sleep needs tied to PTSD. Users praise the OP for clearly communicating their requirements—a locked room or trusted company—and argue that the parents’ failure to provide a suitable space justified the hotel choice. They view the family’s upset, especially over the OP’s discomfort with less-familiar relatives, as a misunderstanding of mental health boundaries.

Some users label it NAH, acknowledging the parents’ hurt feelings as valid, given their attempt to accommodate everyone during a busy holiday. They note the OP’s decision, while necessary, could feel like a rejection of family trust. However, most agree the OP’s need for rest trumped staying in an unsuitable setup, and the gossip that fueled holiday tension was unfair.

riskmgmt − NTA - But I feel there may be something unhealthy about your requirements for sleep. I feel like there may be a deeper issue which manifests as 'must be in a locked room to sleep.'

ADVERTISEMENT

natata95 − NTA. Your family are well aware of your sleeping routine and while they might not have been able to accommodate it with the other guests they should understand why you would get a hotel.

[Reddit User] − NTA, it’s not a big deal and your mom blew it way out of proportion. You have every right to sleep where you want. There was no insult intended and everyone should just drop it.

flora_pompeii − NTA, you were very clear about your needs.

ADVERTISEMENT

fastcarsandliberty − INFO: how clear were you with your parents about how you felt about all of the people staying there? I could see a scenario where they may have been under the impression that the other people present would be considered trusted.

bigsisthrowaway19 − NAH- If you can't sleep there, you can't sleep there, but their feelings are completely valid. You've said you don't trust members of your own family without a locked door. Whatever your reasons are, they are allowed to be hurt and upset.

imbalancedlibra82 − NAH you didn't like the sleeping arrangement so you changed it and they're not wrong for not understanding especially with little to no explanation.. Dear God you post in AITA a lot.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA - you need to sleep. Do they want you to be grouchy for the entirety of the holiday?

SaintGodfather − NTA, but it sounds like you should talk to someone about this condition.

MichelleInMpls − NTA - I don't even have the requirement of the locked door, but there's no way I would ever get a good night's sleep in a room that didn't even have doors at all. I'm an introvert and I need some alone time/privacy at the end of the day (and throughout) to recharge and get away from people.

ADVERTISEMENT

Also, the need to have everyone stacked up in a single house for a holiday, sleeping out in the open, in uncomfortable pullout couches, squished onto spare twin beds or god forbid, on the floor, is ridiculous.

I'm 46 years old, I am not sharing a room with someone else (just because my sister has a boyfriend so she should get the room with the queen bed), and I'm almost six feet tall, so I refuse to sleep on a twin bed. Give yourselves some space and a comfortable bed and you'll all be happier and enjoy each other's company more.

This Christmas saga blends personal boundaries with family friction, as a hotel stay for sleep comfort sparked hurt feelings. The OP’s PTSD-driven choice prioritized mental health, but their parents felt snubbed, and gossip soured the holiday. Reddit backs the OP’s needs but sees room for mutual understanding. How do you balance mental health with family expectations? What’s the best way to navigate holiday tensions over personal needs? Share your thoughts below—let’s unwrap this delicate drama!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *