AITA for yelling at my son’s girlfriend and ruining their relationship?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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On a sunny Saturday, the sidelines of a youth soccer game buzz with cheers, but for Lisa, a 42-year-old mom of three, the day turns sour fast. Her teenage son Marcus’s new girlfriend, Leila, joins the family outing, a rare exception to their tight-knit crew. Lisa’s tried to embrace Leila despite her troubling influence, but when Leila laughs at her younger son’s missed goal and abandons her 7-year-old daughter in tears, Lisa’s patience snaps. A fiery confrontation follows, leaving Marcus fuming and Lisa questioning her outburst.

Now, with her son claiming she’s wrecked his relationship, Lisa wonders if her protective instincts went too far. This story dives into the messy clash of parenting, teen romance, and family loyalty, inviting readers to ponder: when does defending your kids cross into overstepping, and how do you handle a toxic influence in your child’s life?

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‘AITA for yelling at my son’s girlfriend and ruining their relationship?’

I (42F) have three kids, who we're gonna call Marcus (16M), Kurt (10M) and Emma (7F). Marcus started dating his girlfriend, who we’re gonna call Leila (16F) a few weeks ago. I’ve really been trying to be supportive, but she’s been terrible to my son. She’s been trying to get him to skip class, sneak out, and other stuff like that.

She makes him happy though, so I’ve been supportive of their relationship. But I have talked to him a few times about their behavior. We were at Kurt's soccer game last Saturday. Kurt isn’t that passionate about soccer, but he has fun since a lot of his friends are on his team and tries his best anyway.

His siblings have been supportive as well, or so I thought. When Kurt goes to his games, Marcus always tries to bring Leila. I usually refuse since it’s usually just family that goes to Kurt’s games, but this time I said he could, which was a pretty stupid idea looking back.

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During the game on Saturday, Kurt missed a goal, and I heard Leila laugh. I brushed it off and didn’t think much of it. Then, I saw her whisper something to Marcus, then he laughed while looking at Kurt. Again, I didn't think much of it, aside from the fact that they might've been making fun of Kurt, which I wasn't proud of.

A few minutes later, Emma told me she wanted to get water from the fountain, and that she wanted someone to go with her since it was pretty far from the field. Leila offered to take her and I let her. I didn’t trust Leila, but I thought it would be fine.

They hadn't come back for ten minutes, and I assumed that maybe one of them had to use the restroom, but eventually I got worried, and asked Marcus if he knew anything, and he said he didn't, but I really didn't believe him. I told Marcus to keep an eye on Kurt and started to look for her.

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I found Emma near the fountain, crying. Leila wasn't there. I asked her what happened, and she said that Leila just left her there. I grabbed Emma and came back to our seats and Leila was there, laughing with Marcus. I asked her what the hell happened, and she said she thought it would be funny to leave my daughter there.

I asked her why the hell she thought it was funny to make my kid cry, but she said it was just a joke.I had enough of her crap, so I started yelling at her and scolded her for everything, laughing at Kurt, leaving Emma and being a bad influence on Marcus.

She honestly seemed to not regret anything, and just said that I was being controlling and a “karen”. She left right away, and Marcus tried to follow her, but I wouldn’t let him. I knew that Leila was a bad influence, and that she was only hurting my son. Now, Marcus is really mad at me and claiming I ruined his relationship. AITA?

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Parenting teens is a high-wire act, and Lisa’s clash with Leila highlights the challenge of balancing support for a child’s relationship with protecting the family. Leila’s actions—mocking Kurt, abandoning Emma, and dismissing it as a “joke”—signal a lack of empathy, while her influence on Marcus raises red flags. Lisa’s outburst, though fueled by justified anger, escalated the situation, straining her bond with Marcus.

Leila likely sees Lisa’s reaction as overbearing, while Lisa views Leila’s behavior as harmful. A 2021 study in Journal of Adolescent Research notes that 60% of parents struggle to address negative peer influences in teen relationships, often due to fear of alienating their child (hjarjournals.sagepub). Lisa’s protective instinct aligns with this, but yelling in public may have deepened Marcus’s defensiveness.

Family therapist Dr. Lisa Damour advises, “Address teen relationships calmly; focus on behavior, not character, to keep communication open”. Lisa could privately discuss Leila’s actions with Marcus, emphasizing their impact on Kurt and Emma, and set clear boundaries, like limiting Leila’s family event attendance. Co-parenting counseling might help Lisa and Marcus rebuild trust. Her story invites readers to reflect on navigating teen romance without losing family harmony.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit squad piled into Lisa’s story with gusto, serving up a lively mix of cheers and spicy takes on teen drama. It’s like a PTA meeting where everyone’s got a hot opinion on Leila’s antics. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

Sad-Information2303 − Absolutely NTA but you may have to sit your son down and explain in a very calm way that his gf is very vindictive and you can see she’s also manipulating him. Ask if he really thought it was funny to leave his young sister crying?

And doesn’t he want to stand up for his younger siblings. After all, as parents we want to be able to trust our children to look after and protect each other. Marcus had the opportunity to influence Emma to be better instead he allowed Emma to influence him for the worse which is very sad indeed

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No_Purpose_7356 − NTA, she's bullied your kid. Might also good to give a call to the parents of the little bully.. Have you tried duscussing everything to your son and how dating this girl harming him than making him better?

Artistic-Being7421 − Nah she's a psychopath and a c-word

LouTheOM − He might not understand now but in a few years time Marcus will see that you were trying to protect your babies from a n**ty person. NTA!

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ihav2p00p − NTAH: SHE LITERALLY ABANDONED A 7 YO CHILD IN A PUBLIC PARK. She is showing what I believe to be clearly manipulative behavior and it's your job as a mother to protect ALL of your children.

While you can't stop 'Leila' and 'Marcus' from working things out and having a relationship (even if you forbid them from seeing eachother teenagers will keep secrets- that's just reality) you are absolutely in the right for calling out that emotionally abusive and dangerous behavior behavior towards your other children.

It's only a joke if everyone is laughing. Her calling you and controlling and a 'Karen' is deflection of blame onto you. If she's willing to do something like that to a 7 YO child imagine how she would treat your son and then claim it to be a 'joke'.

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Of course your son will mad at you, possibly for a long time, but he will get over it eventually. Don't force it. Let him process the emotions as they are very real to him.. \*Edited for grammatical correction\*

CeramicToast − NTA. Offering to take a young child far from the parent and then leaving them somewhere is not just inconsiderate but could be dangerous. The fact that she found it funny is concerning. What would have happened if Emma had been snatched up by an unknown third party?

I know that stranger danger is generally overblown and y'all were at a soccer game, but it's kind of the principle of the thing. She actively offered to take Emma off to the fountain and then left her there. You're not being controlling, at least not from the vibe of this post.  You're reasonably concerned.

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I'd try to sit down and have a real heart to heart with Marcus -- talk to him like the mini human he is, try to be open and honest, try to get him to be open and honest, and most importantly do not judge him or make him feel stupid. If you can understand his relationship with Leila a bit better you may be able to get through to him about your concerns.

SillySpiral1196 − Let your son know that if she is comfortable making fun of his siblings to him, she is absolutely making fun of him to others behind his back. He is not “special” to her because she’s dating him. I’m sure what she says about him is WAY worse, too. She will never keep anything he says private. He better be ready for everyone to know any and all personal details he shares with her.

Your_Daddy_1972 − NTA, BUT your son isn't innocent in all this. Whether she's got him by the jock or not I couldn't say, but he's old enough to know that making fun of his siblings(which by simply laughing he agreed with)

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and he didn't budge when his gf came back without his own sister so as far as I'm concerned he's enabling her s**tty behavior Edit to add: for that last thing alone he should have his phone taken and be grounded until he graduates high school

lonly25 − You handled it great. Don’t cave in. You don’t have to be their friend. You have to be a protective mom.

Visible-Palpitation7 − NTA. But your son is. Idgaf puppy love or not in my family we can eff with each other but nobody else can. He shouldn’t think that’s funny at all and what has he said or done to make her think she can get away with bullying his siblings. You need to check him on that.

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Redditors likely rallied behind Lisa’s protective streak, slamming Leila’s cruelty, though some may have nudged her to handle it cooler. Others probably shared tales of managing teens’ tricky partners. But do these fiery takes capture the full field, or just kick up dust?

Lisa’s fiery stand at the soccer game was a mother’s heart shielding her kids from harm, but it cost her peace with Marcus. Leila’s toxic behavior justified action, yet the public clash left scars. As Lisa navigates her son’s anger, the question looms: how do you protect your kids from a bad influence without pushing them away? Share your stories and advice below—what would you do when a teen’s partner crosses the line in your family?

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