AITA for yelling at my mother-in-law for calling my son the wrong name?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

A new baby brings joy, chaos, and, apparently, a mother-in-law with a knack for stirring the pot. In a cozy home filled with the scent of fresh diapers and sleepless nights, a new dad found himself at wit’s end. His mother-in-law, armed with a stubborn streak and a questionable nickname, refused to call his newborn son by his rightful name. What started as a minor annoyance snowballed into a fiery confrontation, leaving the family teetering between gratitude for her help and frustration over her defiance.

This tale of names and nerves unfolds with a relatable sting—haven’t we all faced someone who just won’t listen? The dad’s exasperation tugs at our empathy, while the mother-in-law’s persistence raises eyebrows. As we dive into this Reddit saga, we’ll explore the clash, expert insights, and the internet’s spicy takes, all while wondering: where’s the line between standing your ground and keeping the peace?

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for yelling at my mother-in-law for calling my son the wrong name?’

Even before my wife and I started to think about kids, her mother has wanted us to name a son after her father. Let's say the name is Sherman. It's not actually Sherman, but think of something equally... generational. Or old-fashioned, perhaps. The important thing is, from day one, I have absolutely hated the name.

At the end of 2020, my wife and I welcomed a baby boy to the world. Hooray! But since the day we announced the gender, her mother ramped up the Sherman campaign. You might even say it was to the point of scorched earth. Luckily my wife and I gave each other 10 'no questions asked rejects' when it came to names.

Obviously Sherman was the first to go. Ultimately we named our son something we both really liked... let's say his name is Alexander. Over the past three months, my mother-in-law has been a constant presence. In the beginning, that was a really nice thing. Having an extra pair of hands was a godsend when the wife was waking up every hour to breastfeed and I was doing laundry, bottles,

ADVERTISEMENT

and 5sing on a never-ending loop. And frankly, it continues to help - she makes us dinner, she takes care of the baby, etc. But you can probably guess where this story is going. With increasing frequency over the last few weeks, she's taking to calling our son 'Sherm' or 'Lil Sherm'. She never calls him Alexander or Alex.

The first dozen times I let it slide. The next dozen times it started to grate on me. The next dozen times, I started to remind her to call him by the right now in a joking way. The next dozen times, I reminded her in a matter of fact way to call him the right name. All throughout, I've told the wife about my building annoyance .

We have a tacit agreement that we would handle our own families and she said she would talk to her mother about it. To be honest, I don't know when she did or how forceful she was, but clearly nothing had changed. Today, I blew up at my mother-in-law. I told her how disrespectful it was to me and Alex that she continued to call him by the wrong name.

ADVERTISEMENT

That I didn't want him to be confused about his actual name. That she should call him by his real name or not come by anymore. She didn't really say much in response. I think she said something about how she's just been trying to help. She got her things, said bye to my wife, and left.

My wife thinks I'm overreacting. She says it's just a nickname - no different from 'buddy' or 'pal'. Now she's especially upset because there's more stuff for the two of us to do. She hasn't said outright said that I should apologize or anything, but I feel like she wants me to.

Ultimately, I feel bad that I put my wife in this situation given she's still recovering, and maybe it really wasn't that big a deal? But I also don't feel bad making myself clear to someone who clearly is disregarding my wishes in my own house with my child.

ADVERTISEMENT

EDIT Many of you are asking why I didn't correct her from the get-go. I don't know how many of you have had kids, but in those first weeks when adjusting to new fatherhood, getting barely any sleep, and more worried about doing the right thing for baby... this honestly didn't even register. Even now, looking back, those first weeks were like a brain fog.

Naming a child is a deeply personal choice, often steeped in emotion and identity. This dad’s clash with his mother-in-law isn’t just about a nickname—it’s a battle over respect and boundaries. The mother-in-law’s refusal to use “Alexander” signals a subtle power play, dismissing the parents’ authority. Meanwhile, the dad’s outburst, while heated, stems from a protective instinct to shield his son’s identity.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating family dynamics in the high-stakes world of parenting. According to a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association, 68% of new parents report conflicts with in-laws over child-rearing decisions. These tensions often arise from differing values or unmet expectations.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respecting boundaries is crucial for healthy family relationships. Ignoring a parent’s wishes, even on small matters, can erode trust”. Here, the mother-in-law’s persistence risks alienating the couple, while the dad’s yelling may have escalated the conflict unnecessarily.

For solutions, open communication is key. The couple could set clear expectations with the mother-in-law, emphasizing the importance of using Alexander’s name. If tensions persist, a neutral mediator, like a family counselor, could help.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one—grab some popcorn for these hot takes! From petty suggestions to heartfelt support, the community weighed in with gusto. Here are the top reactions:

ADVERTISEMENT

theamazinglula − NTA. your son has the right to be referred to by his name.. Pick a random name and start calling your mother in law that, let's see how she likes it.. Edit: awards! thank you!

RedRangerIsSus − Nta, she's not respecting any of you. You've asked her to not do that and she hasn't. She's doing it on purpose for her own reasons.

ObviouslyObsessed18 − NTA. Calling a child by a completely different name isn't really a nickname. What is she trying to accomplish with this? Sherman isn't his name, it will never be his name, did she think if she used it enough he would respond to that over his actual name?

ADVERTISEMENT

Personally I think you should have been more direct from the beginning of her using the incorrect name but you definitely aren't the a**hole. I get why you wife is upset at losing MILs help but she shouldn't have allowed her mother's behavior to get so bad in the first place.

Also your MIL couldn't be your third sets of hands forever anyway, seeing as she couldn't respect something as basic as the name you chose for your child what makes you think she will respect your future decisions as parents?

lil_puddles − NTA start calling her something thats not her name see how she likes it. Everytime she says sherman say, his name is alex. Its just rude to call someone by not their name.

ADVERTISEMENT

Meleezah − NTA. You don't want that name and said it again and again. She is disrespecting your boundaries and encroaching. If she don't respect you or your child she should not come over.

LZSchneider1 − NTA. The fact that MIL walked out when you stood up to her disrespectful and controlling behavior speaks volumes about why she agreed to help in the first place. I don't think yelling was the best way to tell her your displeasure with her behavior, but you're allowed to feel angry and to display anger, especially after repeated requests for MIL to stop.

You proteced your child from that disrespect and confusion, really, and if she can't even get his name right, what other basic thing will she fail when around your child? NTA fullstop.. Also, it sounds like your wife is more pissed at losing the help than anything. Good luck with that.

ADVERTISEMENT

AlarmingSeason2210 − NTA. you gave way too many chances. Although in some asian countries the nickname can be entirely different from the legal name so if thats the case maybe things could have been settled down. But its a cultural thing. I guess its not a thing over there and you have every right to be pissed.

BrandyWilson − NTA. It is disrespectful to call your son something he’s not. He isn’t a small version of her husband and it’s creepy to even act this way. I’d be petty and start asking her if you need to take her to a doctor if she seems to be consistently forgetting a simple name. Might be a medical issue 🥸

BeaverPup − Halfway the a**hole. Not a total ass, the core if the issue is very serious and should be addressed but exploding is never the right thing to do. It happens to everyone, but you shouldn't have exploded at her - you should have sat down and had a reasonable conversation about it.

ADVERTISEMENT

And as for 'buddy' or 'pal' I don't really know any parents that start calling their kid by a nickname until they're ~2 and they know their own name. Not sure if it's based in science but most of the people I know (a very small sample size granted) don't think it's a good idea to call your kid by a nickname too early, so even at the age of your kid any nickname at all might be a bad idea.

I have more experience with dogs, I definitely know that if you call a puppy by a bunch of different names they get really confused so you have to call them by a single name until they're old enough to tell the difference between playful nicknames and actually commanding the dog. I would imagine the same goes for human children aswell, and I'm not the only person who thinks so.

Dszquphsbnt − The first dozen times I let it slide.. There's your mistake.. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit gems range from clever clapbacks to thoughtful advice, but do they hit the mark? Is the mother-in-law a boundary-stomper, or is the dad’s outburst the real issue?

This tale of names, tempers, and family ties leaves us pondering: where’s the balance between gratitude and standing firm? The dad’s protective streak is relatable, but his blow-up might’ve cost more than he bargained for. The mother-in-law’s help is gold, yet her nickname obsession feels like a jab. What would you do in this diaper-filled drama? Share your thoughts—have you ever clashed with family over a principle? Let’s keep the conversation rolling!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *