AITA for yelling at exDH’s GF in front of kids?

Jonathan Hours
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In a suburban driveway, the air crackles with tension as a mother locks eyes with her ex-husband’s young girlfriend through a car window. Her three kids sit in the backseat, caught in a silent standoff. The girlfriend’s demand—that the children call her “mom”—ignites a fire in the 38-year-old mother, who’s juggled 70-hour workweeks to remain their rock. Her sharp words, though restrained, cut deep, defending her irreplaceable role.

This explosive moment, shared on Reddit, unveils a messy tangle of co-parenting, loyalty, and overstepped boundaries. As the internet weighs in, some cheer her fierce protectiveness, while others cringe at the public clash. With her ex raging and her own mother urging restraint, the question lingers: did she go too far, or was her outburst a necessary stand for her kids?

‘AITA for yelling at exDH’s GF in front of kids?’

I (38F) have got three kids (4,6,9) with ex(43M) who cheated on me with a 24yo (Now GF, she moved in two weeks after ex and I split) two years ago. We immediately divorced, and I only have the kids a couple days every other week as I work 70h/w. I finance everything in regards to the kids: extracurricular, camps, clothing, etc.

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I can afford it easily, so I go shopping with them, get the emails about their sports, host their parties etc. I am still very involved in my children's lives. My kids told me they don't like the new GF. They say GF is overbearing, controlling, tries to enforce affection, and mothers them. I told ex to talk to her, but he dismissed it, so I told the kids they aren't obliged to listen to her beyond house rules.

Last Thursday GF picked the kids up from my place. I say goodbye to my kids, and go back inside. Five or so minutes later I'm leaving for work, and I see GF's car standing still in my driveway. I walk over and knock on the window.. Me: Hey, is everything alright? Why aren't you leaving?

My younger ones are in the back being quiet, but my 9yo is staring daggers at GF and there is obviously something going on between GF and 9yo (S from here on). GF: Yes everything is fine! I'm just making a point, S refuses to comply with my rule so I'm not leaving till he does.. Me: S, is that true? What are you refusing to do?. S: She wants me to call her mum, I told her no because you are my mum.

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Me, taken aback: GF, I don't believe you get to decide what my children call you. They have told you multiple times they want to call you by your name, and you need to accept that. GF: Well, I think it's important for them to have a mother's figure in their life and that they call their real family by their titles.

Since you're so busy all the time \*youngest ones\* have even been forgetting you, so I'm just trying to give them a healthy childhood by having them at least remember having a mum. So this is where AITA comes in. I lost it. I have rarely been so angry. I didn't yell, as I never do, but I did say some pretty n**ty things.

I told her that she should be grateful to even be a part of my children's life, that she will never replace me as their mother because she has yet to even get them to like her, that she has got absolutely zero parental authority over my children and how dare she try to force my child to do something he's explicitly said he's uncomfortable with, to just accept her role as their father's new girlfriend and to take them to their dads.

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I got a phone call later from ex raging at me for disrespecting his new GF and my mum also says I could've handled it better. AITA here?. edit: changed initials to avoid confusion. Thank you so much for all your responses. I am blown away. I have decided to take the appropriate steps and have scheduled a meeting with my boss to discuss working fewer hours. I had never even thought about parental alienation, but I'll be damned before I let that happen.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This driveway showdown is more than a spat—it’s a glaring red flag of parental alienation. The girlfriend’s insistence that the children call her “mom,” coupled with her jab about their mother’s absence, crosses a dangerous line. It’s a power play, undermining the mother’s role while exploiting her demanding work schedule. The kids’ discomfort, especially the 9-year-old’s defiance, signals their loyalty to their mom, but also their distress.

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The girlfriend likely sees herself as filling a maternal gap, especially with the mother’s limited custody. Yet, her approach—forcing affection and titles—alienates the children rather than bonds them. A 2021 study in Family Court Review found that parental alienation tactics, like those used here, can cause long-term emotional harm to children (Family Court Review, 2021). The mother’s reaction, while heated, was a visceral defense of her identity.

Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, an expert on parental alienation, notes, “Children need permission to love both parents without fear of loyalty conflicts” (Baker, Adult Children of Parental Alienation). The girlfriend’s actions sow division, and the ex’s dismissal enables it. The mother should document these incidents and consult a family lawyer to protect her rights.

Reducing work hours, as planned, is a strong step to strengthen her bond with her kids. Moving forward, she could calmly set boundaries with her ex, insisting the girlfriend respect the children’s feelings. Family therapy might help the kids navigate this tension.

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Se what others had to share with OP:

Reddit erupted with hot takes, from roaring support to calls for cooler heads. Here’s what the community dished out:

Muninwing − Not only NTA, you showed your kids that you’ll fight for them — that you care about them and will stick up for them. There might be consequences... but I think you’ll find that the bond with your kids will be stronger, which is worth it.

[Reddit User] − NTA and I would contact your attorney ASAP. This is parental alienation. Someone who is dad’s girlfriend doesn’t get to demand that your children start calling her mom. That’s the definition of parental alienation.

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anonymous053119 − NTA- her requests are so extreme. To be honest you probably have a good case of attempted alienation against your ex and this woman, which could lose him the custody he has.

Cocoasneeze − NTA. She's not their mom, she disrespected you in front of the kids, so you responded in like manner.

elladee000 − NTA- she needs to know her place. It’s not her place to have the kids call her mom. Their dad should have put her straight before this. I’m sure she has tried this before.

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milkbeamgalaxia − NTA. I understand why some have judged ESH, but I think the kids need to see and hear someone standing up for them.. She is not their mother.. She is not their stepmother. She is trying to overrule your position as their mother by forcing them to do something they are not comfortable with. This is not a reasonable request.. Go off, Mama Bear.

[Reddit User] − NTA everyone could've handled something better in hindsight. Some 24 y/o who had s** with a 40 year old married man has no right to act as if she has the moral high ground here, and I think you have every right to be pissed about what she said. That being said, do your kids call her by her first name? They should at least use 'miss [last name]' since she's an adult.

CheyBridgeMan − What a s**t situation. You all need therapy. You think throwing parties and paying for things and acting like a Disney Cruise Director is parenting, GF thinks being a caregiver makes her a mom, and ex husband is backing up GF. And then your method of handling this is to lose your s**t in front of the kids. Then ex husband thinks the solution is screaming at you over the phone.

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My gosh.. Anyone in this mix care about the kids more than being “right” or whatever other motivations are in play?. ESH. You guys need to learn to coparent and GF needs to stop “peeing” on the kids. I’m a SM and while I know the kids haven’t always appreciated the rules in my home and bitched to their mom about it, I never tried to pretend like I was their mother.

Even when their mother would disappear for months, their mom is their mom. It is gross for anyone to behave the way this woman is. You need her out of the mix. You should only have to communicate with your ex. This woman is making a power play and thinks this is a competition for who can play house better.

bringonthebacons − NTA. I’m mad for you

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proteamom − NTA. You handled it in the heat of the moment which didn’t result in your finest moment probably... but you attempted to address this civilly with the ex in the past and he didn’t want to do it when it could have been done calmly. The new GF is barely old enough to have been a teen mom to have had the oldest child so she needs to slow her roll here. If she wants them to like her she needs to back off some (if you build it they will come style).

The crowd’s split—some see a mama bear rightfully roaring, others spy a messy scene that could’ve been quieter. But can armchair critics capture the heat of such a moment? Life’s rarely as tidy as Reddit’s rulings.

This mother’s clash lays bare the fierce love and messy lines of co-parenting after betrayal. The girlfriend’s overreach, pushing “mom” on kids who adore their real mother, sparked a fire that’s hard to douse. Reddit’s divided, but her resolve to fight for her kids shines through. Can she rebuild trust with her ex’s household, or is legal action the only path? What would you do if someone tried to erase your role as a parent? Drop your stories and wisdom below—let’s keep the convo rolling!

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For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] for yelling at my ex’s GF in front of kids?

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