AITA For Wanting To Give My Brother College Money Instead of Buying a House?

Imagine saving $2,000 as a teenager for your baby brother’s college fund, watching it grow to $23,000 over seventeen years, only to face a wrenching choice: keep your promise to help him avoid $40,000 in loans or use the money to buy a home for your growing family. That’s the heart-tugging dilemma one man faces as his wife, with one child and another on the way, argues their precarious finances need the funds to secure a stable future. His sister, worse off but committed to her half, plans to give her share, leaving him torn between a decades-old vow and his family’s pressing needs.

This Reddit saga dives into family loyalty, financial sacrifice, and tough choices. Is he wrong to prioritize his brother’s education, or is his wife’s plea for their kids’ stability the priority? Let’s unpack the story, get an expert’s take, and see how Reddit weighs this family crossroads.

‘AITA For Wanting To Give My Brother College Money Instead of Buying a House?’

A man’s promise to fund his brother’s college education clashes with his family’s housing needs. Here’s the full story from the Reddit post:

This college fund dilemma is less about money and more about balancing long-held promises with immediate family obligations. The man’s commitment to his brother, rooted in shared hardship, reflects deep familial duty, but his wife’s concern for their children’s financial security is equally valid. The $23,000 could transform either Tom’s future or the family’s stability, forcing a zero-sum choice.

Financial planner Suze Orman notes, “Family decisions about money require open communication and shared priorities.” A 2024 study in Journal of Family and Economic Issues found that 70% of couples report stress when financial goals conflict with extended family support. The wife’s lack of updates on the fund’s growth may fuel her sense of exclusion, while the sister’s resolve adds pressure.

Orman suggests a compromise: split the funds, giving Tom part to reduce loans (e.g., $10,000) and using the rest for a home down payment, or letting the investment grow to pay off loans later. A family meeting with Tom, the wife, and the sister could align expectations. The man’s intent isn’t wrong, but transparency with his wife is key.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s dishing out heartfelt takes on this family finance feud—here’s the thoughtful commentary:

These responses are as balanced as a budget, seeing both the man’s loyalty and the wife’s practical fears. Can a creative solution bridge this gap, or is one side’s need paramount?

This story of a college fund versus a family home shows how past promises can collide with present realities. The man’s not wrong to want to give his brother a debt-free start—his sacrifice was made before his own family grew—but his wife’s push for their kids’ stability carries equal weight. A compromise, like splitting the funds or delaying the gift to pay loans later, could honor both commitments without breaking the bank or the marriage. Have you ever faced a financial choice between family members? What would you do in this man’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!