AITA for wanting to bring over the girl I’m dating even though my friend’s boyfriend says he’s uncomfortable?

In a sunlit apartment buzzing with the chatter of guests, Sophie navigates the delicate dance of roommate life. Sharing the space—and rent—equally with her friend and her friend’s boyfriend, she’s grown accustomed to the boyfriend’s frequent visitors filling the living room. But when Sophie brings her new girlfriend over just twice, the mood shifts. The boyfriend, suddenly “uncomfortable,” asks her to stop, leaving Sophie stunned and questioning the fairness of it all.

Paying the same rent but facing different rules, Sophie feels her space isn’t truly hers. Now, she’s eyeing a move to reclaim her freedom, but wonders if she’s wrong to push back. This story dives into the thorny world of roommate dynamics, fairness, and personal boundaries, inviting readers to weigh in: when does one person’s discomfort trump another’s rights in a shared home?

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‘AITA for wanting to bring over the girl I’m dating even though my friend’s boyfriend says he’s uncomfortable?’

I (29F) currently live with my friend (30F) and her boyfriend (31M). We all split the rent equally, we each pay exactly the same amount. The problem is that my friend’s boyfriend constantly has his friends over at our apartment. I don’t mind it, I don’t love it, but I respect that it’s his space too.

Recently, I started dating a girl and have brought her over a couple of times. After maybe the second time, my friend told me that her boyfriend said he “doesn’t feel comfortable” with me bringing her around and asked me not to bring her over anymore. I feel like this is super unfair.

If they can have people over all the time literally, why can’t I bring someone over occasionally, especially when I’m paying the same amount of rent as they are? I’ve decided to start looking for a new place because I don’t feel like the situation is fair or respectful. But before I go, I’m wondering: AITA for wanting to bring my date over even though the boyfriend is “uncomfortable”?

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Shared living thrives on mutual respect, but Sophie’s clash with her friend’s boyfriend reveals a lopsided dynamic. His frequent guests are welcome, yet Sophie’s occasional visitor—her girlfriend—triggers his “discomfort,” an vague objection that feels like a power play. Sophie’s equal rent payment underscores her right to the space, making the boyfriend’s rule seem unfair and controlling.

The boyfriend may feel territorial, or his discomfort could stem from personal biases, but his failure to clarify or compromise shuts down dialogue. A 2022 study in Journal of Social Psychology found that unclear boundaries in shared living spaces lead to conflict in 75% of cases, often tied to unequal rule enforcement (tandfonline.com). Sophie’s plan to move out signals a healthy boundary, but addressing the issue could salvage the situation.

Relationship mediator Dr. Gary Chapman suggests, “Fairness in shared spaces requires open negotiation; vague objections need clarification to avoid resentment” (5lovelanguages). Sophie could propose a house meeting to set guest rules for all, like limiting frequency or giving notice. If the boyfriend stonewalls, moving out is wise. For now, she might journal her feelings to stay grounded.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit gang skated into Sophie’s drama with gusto, tossing out a lively mix of cheers and hot takes on roommate fairness. It’s like a house party where everyone’s got a spicy opinion on the boyfriend’s double standards. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

Intelligent_Tea_2867 − NTA. Even if it isn't homophobia driving his reasons, you have every right to have people over. Just as much as they do.

madghosthunter4 − NTA. You pay rent there, just like they do. And the only reason he would have to be uncomfortable is because you're a girl with a girlfriend. F**k them lol

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CleanCardiologist160 − Tell him if she can’t come over then his friends are no longer welcome either.. I would still move though.

PerfectCover1414 − Tell him 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander.' That'll keep him busy for a while.

DeeHarperLewis − Tell them either everyone is allowed to have friends over or no one is allowed. Stick to your guns and don’t let them argue you down.

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Willing_Enthusiasm44 − Nta and he's full of s**t

readytotellmyside − You are not the a**hole.

Carl_AR − Totally unfair.. Is he deeply religious?

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DodgeWizard − Unless your gf did something wild (stole something, went through a roommate’s room, invited her coke dealer over, etc) you’re NTA.

AVeryBrownGirlNerd − ETA: After speaking to a fellow Redditor, I am changing my judgment to needs more information / NMI. I would love to know the dynamic of your date, roommate, roommate's bf, and yourself. For example, does your date leave a mess, eat your fridge out, or intrude?. Has roommate's bf made (h**ophobic remarks)?.

Have you asked why he's uncomfortable?. How is your relationship with the bf?.  N T A. It sounds like he's h**ophobic because nothing you expressed shows any valid reason why he would be uncomfortable. I can understand if your date/gf comes over and leaves a mess or intrudes but it sounds like it's because you're both women. He's ick.

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Redditors likely rallied behind Sophie’s sense of injustice, criticizing the boyfriend’s hypocrisy and urging her to stand firm or move on. Some probably suggested direct confrontation, while others shared tales of similar roommate woes. But do these fiery takes nail the nuance, or just amp up the drama?

Sophie’s apartment saga lays bare the friction of unequal rules in a shared home. Paying the same rent but denied the same freedoms, her pushback—and plan to move—reflects a stand for fairness. The boyfriend’s vague “discomfort” raises questions about respect and control. How do you handle a roommate who sets double standards in a space you all call home? Share your stories and advice below—what would you do in Sophie’s shoes to reclaim your space?

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