AITA for wanting to be pay for babysitting my own daughter?

In a quiet suburban neighborhood, where porch lights flicker and kids’ laughter echoes, a 39-year-old dad finds himself in a peculiar pickle. His wife, a horror movie enthusiast, has discovered a kindred spirit in their neighbor Walter, a single dad with a penchant for creepy classics. While they venture into the night for indie fright fests and upscale dinners, he’s left at home, wrangling his daughter Emily and Walter’s two girls. What started as a cozy arrangement now feels like a chore, and his request for babysitting cash has ignited a firestorm with his wife.

The tension is palpable, as if a storm cloud hovers over their once-peaceful home. He’s torn between fairness and family duty, while readers can’t help but wonder: is he justified in wanting a paycheck for parenting, or is he missing a bigger picture? This tale of clashing priorities and unspoken expectations promises a juicy dive into modern relationships.

‘AITA for wanting to be pay for babysitting my own daughter?’

My (39M) wife (34F) and I live in at a suburban house with our daughter (10F, Emily). Our neighbour next door (48M, Walter) is a single father with two daughters (14F and 12F). We have been living here for a little more than two years. My wife really likes watching scary movies but I have never enjoy them.

ADVERTISEMENT

I get too scared and end up having a bad time so I prefer to avoid them. Her friends sometimes go with her to the more popular ones but she also likes older, indies and foreign horror movies. She has always had a hard time finding people that have this niche interest and that is why it was such a big deal when we met Walter and found out he also shares this tendency.

They very quickly started to make plans to watch movies together. I was invited to be a part of this but refused. I prefer to just stay at home babysitting Emily and Walter's daughter while they are in their cinephile reunions. Sometimes they go to movie theaters but other times they just stay at Walter's place watching stuf at his home cinema.

They usually have to go to another town in order to catch a specific function of some weird movie so it is normal for them to come back very late. They eventually started doing stuff outside of watching movies, like going out for dinner. Walter invited all of us, including the kids, to go with him to a restaurant that a friend of him owned but I said no because it was too expensive.

ADVERTISEMENT

I don't like that kind of places because I feel they are a waste of money and didn't think the kids would enjoy it either. I insisted on staying with the kids and let the two of them go be themselves. This has became a regular thing and it is in a way a good deal for me because Walter pays for my wife's dinner and she can't no longer complain about me not taking her to fancy restaurants.

As both their movie and dinner nights had became so common, I have grown a little tired of the burden of constantly babysitting the girls. I talk to my wife and Walter about it and he explained that he usually does not like leaving his duaghters with babysitters. He says he is really comfortable knowing that they are being watched by an experienced father like me instead of some teenage girl.

He nevertheless agreed that it was too much of a load for me and offered to start paying me a standard babysitter fee each time he goes out with my wife. I thought that was a fair approach to the issue but my wife was fully against it. She says I should not be paid for babysitting my own daughter nor the daughters of a close friend of our family like Walter.

ADVERTISEMENT

We have been arguing about this but she insists on this notion and it not open to change. She even gets mad every time I talk to her about this. Walter promised me that he will convince her but he does not seem to have been able to do so either.. Am I the A**hole?

This suburban saga, where horror movies and fancy dinners stir domestic unrest, highlights deeper relationship dynamics. The dad’s request for payment underscores a disconnect, not just about babysitting but about emotional labor and partnership.

The dad feels overburdened, viewing his role as “babysitting” rather than parenting, a mindset that irks his wife. She sees it as a family obligation, not a paid gig, especially since Walter’s daughters are friends with Emily. His refusal to join their outings, while practical, hints at disengagement, leaving his wife to bond with Walter. This dynamic, as Psychology Today notes, can strain marriages when partners drift apart over unshared interests.

ADVERTISEMENT

Shared interests fuel connection, but a 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 68% of couples report tension when hobbies diverge significantly. The dad’s isolation, coupled with his wife’s growing camaraderie with Walter, risks emotional distance, even if no affair exists. His payment demand might be a cry for acknowledgment in a shifting family dynamic.

The dad should initiate open dialogue, expressing feelings without demands. Joining an occasional outing, even if it’s just dinner, could bridge the gap. For his wife, acknowledging his efforts and discussing boundaries with Walter might ease tensions. Couples counseling, as recommended by BetterHelp, could help.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out spicy takes with a side of shade. Here’s what the community had to say about this dad’s dilemma:

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − YTA for several reasons, two of which are calling taking care of your own kid 'babysitting' and not really caring about your marriage.. Don't be surprised if your wife ends up leaving you for Walter, if they're not already having an affair...

sarpon6 − Your wife is dating your neighbor and you think he should pay you?

stirfly93 − Oh man YTA. Walter and your wife might have a common interest but they’ve tried to involve you in things outside of that like going out to eat and you refused, and now you’re complaining about sitting at home and moping and “babysitting” which you CHOSE to do. Also, ticking the box of taking your wife out for a nice dinner by letting someone else do it?? So so YTA

ADVERTISEMENT

OkDragonfruit9943 − YTA For basically outsourcing your wife to the neighbour, you don't like scary movies ok, but to then say that its great that another man is taking your wife to what is basically dates so you dont have to? The answer is to try to engage in your wife's interests and find stuff you two can do together, not to start taking a salary to watch the kids.

elfishpreslley − YTA, it’s not babysitting it’s being a parent.. Also, are you aware you’re pushing your wife into the arms of another man?

idcpicksmn − NTA. Whether, or not you should get paid for babysitting is entirely between you, and your wifes boyfriend.

ADVERTISEMENT

SwimmingCritical − Umm...Walter could leave his daughters home alone. They're 12 and 14. Assuming they're not special needs. Either way, YTA, and you've got other problems my friend. Your wife isn't necessarily having an affair, (especially since they are constantly inviting you and the kids, which you are stupidly refusing)

but you are basically just hoping Walter will fulfill all the emotional needs of your wife and you won't have to put anything into the relationship ever again. It's a mess.. You aren't babysitting your daughter, you're parenting. You wanted to do this. It's just a mess, my friend.

realstareyes − YTA for referring to watching your own daughter as 'babysitting'. It‘s called *parenting*. NTA for watching your neighbor‘s children. He offered to pay for it, that‘s on him. You don‘t get to get paid for watching your OWN daughter as well though.

ADVERTISEMENT

windsofwinterplease − YTA. I am so glad your wife found her soulmate! Walter and your ex wife will have a beautiful life together.

ReviewOk929 − YTA worrying when even her future husband can't persuade her

These Reddit roasts are fiery, but do they cut to the core of the issue, or are they just serving drama?

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of babysitting blues and marital missteps leaves us pondering: where’s the line between parenting and extra labor? The dad’s stuck in a rut, craving fairness, while his wife’s out living her horror-loving truth. It’s a messy snapshot of modern family life, where communication could be the real hero. What would you do if you were juggling kids and a spouse’s new BFF? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this suburban soap opera together!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *