AITA for trying to stop a vacation my ex is planning with the kids?

A divorced father found himself spiraling into conflict after overhearing plans for his children’s next vacation. What began as a casual phone call with his youngest quickly turned into a confrontation about boundaries, parenting roles, and who gets a say when families change. The situation became even more complicated when he learned that his ex’s fiancé would be joining the trip.

From his perspective, the vacation crossed a line. From everyone else’s, it highlighted a much larger issue. The father, who admits he has only seen his children a handful of times in recent years, decided to threaten legal action to block the trip. His reaction ignited fierce debate online, with many questioning whether his concern was about protecting his kids or exerting control from a distance. The responses were blunt, emotional, and largely unforgiving.

‘AITA for trying to stop a vacation my ex is planning with the kids?’

The situation began with an overheard conversation during a routine phone call.

Every year my ex takes our 3 kids on vacation, usually it's to Colorado where her mom has a vacation home. Every few year they go somewhere else.

I called my youngest last night and she put me on speaker phone, like she usually does. I overheard my ex saying that this year they were not going to...

(She didn't know I could overhear her, I don't think she even knew I was on the phone.) So her and the kids were just yelling back and forth at...

Concerns escalated when the ex’s fiancé was mentioned during the discussion.

Then my oldest said, can we get 2 hotel rooms this year! We are getting to big to share! So ex yells back yeah, there are 5 of us. it's...

This yelling back and forth normal for them instead of sitting down and having a normal discussion everyone just talks as loud as possible across the house.

I ask the youngest, who is going with them, since there is just the Ex and 3 kids. she says, Josh, ex's fiancé. Who else would be going?

I just say ok, and continue to talk to my daughter. She refuses to let me meet this man and said that when I decide to be a real father...

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They also don't live together as my ex's house is too small and are waiting until she moves into a new house later this year.

The conflict peaked when legal threats and accusations entered the picture.

I have not seen the kids in person except 3 times in the past 4 years because, I can't drive and I am disabled. I still have 50/50 legal custody...

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She makes all the decisions and basically leaves me out of everything. I call my ex later and tell her that, I don't agree that her fiancé should be going...

She again tells me when I can step up and be a real parent, and see the kids, be a real part of their lives other than a phone call...

Then I can have an opinion until, I don't get a say. I told her that I would be seeing her in court if she didn't agree not to take...

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She just laughed and hung up. I then called the kids and told them, that I didn't want them to go on vacation with mom's boyfriend. They all said he...

My son (16) told me "Sorry, you suck so much that you can't find anyone" I am contacting an attorney today to see about stopping her from taking the fiancé...

and possibly stopping him from living with them until they are at least married. This is an expense I really can not afford, but will have to find a way.

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She on the other hand has an attorney paid by her brother. I have run this by a few friends and they all say I am the a__hole because, I...

is part of their day to day life and from what the kids he's a good guy. My family on the other hand thinks that I am doing the right...

From the father’s perspective, the presence of a fiancé on vacation feels intrusive and inappropriate. His objections suggest unresolved emotions tied to loss of control after the relationship ended. What makes the situation more complicated is that his concerns surface only around major decisions, rather than day-to-day parenting responsibilities.

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On the other side, the mother has assumed full practical responsibility for raising the children. She manages logistics, finances, and emotional support while the fiancé has already become part of the children’s routine. The children’s own reactions indicate comfort and familiarity, which carries significant weight socially and emotionally.

Broader social expectations increasingly emphasize active parenting over symbolic authority. Courts and communities alike tend to prioritize consistency, presence, and effort. This case illustrates how attempting to assert control without participation can backfire, shifting sympathy away from legal entitlement and toward demonstrated care. The conflict is less about a vacation and more about the consequences of prolonged absence.

Check out how the community responded:

Many users criticized the poster, arguing he neglected his parental responsibilities.

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MishaIsPan − YTA You have to get your priorities straight man. .. You're willing to hire an attorney to prevent your ex from taking her boyfriend on that vacation.

But you don't do anything to actually get that 50/50 custody? Sure, you've got it on paper, but not in reality. You've seen your own children only 3 times in...

You need to step up as their father, because you're not doing a great job right now. I understand that things are harder because of you being disabled and unable...

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Hell, maybe you could've even gotten an attorney to make it so that your ex has to drop the kids off at your place and then pick em back up...

Your priority should be your children, not your ex's boyfriend (who has clearly been in the picture for a while now). Please, please, for your children's sake, do better.

ETA: Just read in the comments that you only live 5 miles away from them. The fact that, even though you live so nearby, you have only seen your children...

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Makes me agree with your ex even more. And then you DARE complain that's she's bringing her boyfriend of at least a year to this trip. You need to get...

You're absolutely failing them with the way you're doing things now. ETA 2: You're not even payong child support. So: You don't put in any effort for your children, you...

you do not pay child support, and you see them less than once a year. And yet you expect to have a say in your children's lifes AND their mom's...

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You're an absent father, you don't even try to be present in your childrens' lifes yet you expect to have any input in things that have absolutely nothing to do...

Man, if you take this to court, I bet you'll lose your 50/50 custody agreement, trading it in for less or likely no custody whatsoever.

Public-Ad-9827 − Go ahead and try to take it to court. It sounds like you're not paying child support and I don't think the court is going to like knowing...

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And throwing out that you're disabled is b__lshit because disabled parents are active in kids lives everyday. You want the say of a 50-50 parent agreement without the responsibility.

You make no effort to see your children other than playing online video games with them. That's not parenting. YTA

Dogmother123 − How can you afford an attorney to disrupt your ex's life but you can't afford to get your kids to you more than once every 16 months or...

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But you only seem to do so when you want to be difficult. You want a say in your kids' lives but where are you in their lives? Nowhere to...

sipstea84 − YTA. Bless your ex for even humouring you in the idea that you're any kind of active parent or a factor whatsoever in their lives or planning.

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You keep mentioning all of these things like appointments they don't tell you about and that they don't keep you in the loop or let you approve the people who...

They don't run it by you, because why would they? They can't come to you for the money. You can't help them get there. What purpose does it serve to...

You're willing to spend 2-5k on a lawyer to ruin their vacation but won't drop a few bucks on an uber to go get your kids or spend time with...

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Your ex has managed to do all of the parenting with no help from you, so what makes you think she now needs your input on whether the man she...

You trust me to earn all the money to house and feed them, you trust me to watch them 24/7 and tend to their needs at all times and be...

Some commenters offered balanced criticism while explaining legal and practical realities.

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IamIrene − INFO. You don't get to control her life. You do have a say with your kids due to a court mandated 50/50 split,

but apparently aren't exercising that right (to see your kids 2x's a week due to your condition). And you don't pay child support. What part of your situation is actually...

Amy-lsf − Sorry if I missed it in the post but why do you find it inappropriate? There is a lot of text on how the situation came about but...

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Why can’t your ex have a relationship with her fiancé? Why are you trying to stop him living with them until they are married?

1962Michael − YTA. These are two completely separate issues, and you are hurting your kids with both. First, you don't explain WHY you haven't had your kids for your 2...

I'm going to guess that it's because you are responsible for half of transport and your ex doesn't want to deliver them and pick them up.

I understand if you can't drive, but then you should be offering some other solution rather than let it go for years at a time.

Second, you have absolutely no standing in who your ex goes on trips with, unless your agreement has a "morality" clause in it.

This "Josh" is a part of your kid's lives on at least a weekly basis, and there's no way a judge will rule that the trip is different than the...

If you want to spend money on a lawyer, spend it to get your proper visitation enforced, not this side-show about vacation.

A few responses used blunt humor or sharp remarks to cut through the tension.

tits-and-tents − I N F O - how far away do you live from your ex and the kids? Why are you trying to control their lives when you’re not...

You mention your son is 16 so even if you decide to go to court he’s able to decide whether he wants to see you or not. Edit - **YTA**,...

No wonder your ex is mad you haven’t made any effort at all to be a part of your kids lives, and they can see that. Mind ya business and...

CandleAfraid4560 − Please contact a lawyer. Go to court. Show up. That way your ex wife and children can see how easy it is for you to show up WHEN...

AilingHen69 − YTA, 3 times in 4 years is how much you've seen them? And yet you are SO entitled, just wow. You're disgusting.

This story exposes how fragile parental authority becomes when it is not supported by consistent presence. While the father believes he is protecting his children, most readers saw his actions as reactive and disconnected from their daily reality.

Should legal custody matter more than emotional involvement? At what point does concern turn into control? And how should families navigate new relationships when one parent is largely absent? Share your thoughts below.

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