AITA for “throwing everything back in our faces” after I feel as though my friends use me?

Picture a cozy family kitchen, fragrant with home-cooked meals, where a 25-year-old woman spoons out leftovers for her lifelong friends, dreaming of a shared apartment. Her heart’s in it—helping them land gigs, pinching pennies for a security deposit—until a gut-punch revelation shatters the vibe. Those friends? They’ve been blowing the cash on bar tabs and weed, scheming to ditch her for a cheaper place without her.

The sting of betrayal hits hard, and when she calls it out, they flip the script, accusing her of “keeping score.” Readers can almost hear the clink of empty glasses and feel her shock—was she wrong to snap, or did they cross a line?

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‘AITA for “throwing everything back in our faces” after I feel as though my friends use me?’

I (25F) have two friends Zach (26M) and Bella (26F) who I have had a rocky year with. For context we had all grown up together and had all talked about moving in together to help save money and it would be fun to live with friends.

Now, Bella was living with her parents in another state and moved back to our home state without a job (took her like 3 months to find one), just some savings and crashed at Zach’s studio apartment. I live at home with my family. I work a full time corporate gig and both Zach and Bella work part time and have their side ventures which do okay income-wise but not much.

So, in order to make this work and help everyone save up for the security deposit I got both of them side work with my job. I negotiated their pay up pretty high for what they do but thankfully my job was gracious enough to offer it when I explained the situation.

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I also cooked them dinner a lot (we always had leftovers for family dinner anyways) to help them save money. But when the time came for us to tour places to live, suddenly all that money was gone and the security deposit on 3 bedroom homes were too expensive.

I asked them where all that money went and they had been blowing it at bars and clubs in our nearby city and dispensary because they “deserve to have fun sometimes”. I was like well wtf the whole point of this was to help save money so we can all move in together AND THEN they said “well, security deposits are cheaper on two bedroom apartment and you live at home, so we were thinking of getting a place together”

Well, I was pissed! And I told them that and I said it was kinda s**tty of them to cut me out after I’ve been getting them work and cooking for them for months and helping them whenever I can financially and then they accused me of throwing everything back in their face and “keeping score”. Idk, I don’t try to be that friend that’s tit-for-tat but I also don’t appreciate being treated like this. AITA?

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Friendship’s supposed to be a two-way street, but this Redditor’s pals veered into a one-way alley. She poured time, money, and meals into a dream of co-living, only for Zach and Bella to squander it on nightlife and cut her out. Her fiery call-out? A natural spark from feeling used. They clapped back, claiming she’s “keeping score,” but that’s just guilt talking.

Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, says, “Reciprocity is the glue of friendships; without it, resentment festers” (source). Zach and Bella leaned on her generosity—jobs, dinners—without matching her effort. Their spending spree and sneaky two-bedroom plan scream entitlement, not friendship. Studies show 50% of friendships falter over unequal give-and-take (source). Her anger’s valid; they broke an unspoken pact.

This taps a bigger issue: financial mismatch strains 40% of young adult friendships . Advice? She should set clear boundaries—no more free rides—and rethink these ties. They need to own their mess or step back.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s crew crashed this friendship drama like it’s a block party with free tacos—everyone’s got a spicy opinion, and they’re not holding back. It’s a digital barbecue where the grill’s hot, the shade’s hotter, and the takes are served raw. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, packed with cheers, jeers, and a whole lot of “girl, run” energy:

Caspian4136 − NTA. You're finding out the sad reality a lot of face around this age - our friends from school change drastically once we become adults and we grow apart from them due to these changes. It sucks, but they've clearly been using you and never had plans to move in with you.

Honestly, it's better you find out now before signing a lease with them, because it'd only get so much worse. You'd be cooking all the time, cleaning, buying the food and on and on. Since they don't manage money well, no doubt they'd be late on bills and rent, potentially causing you financial strain.

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All the while you're stuck with them for a full year due to the lease you signed. Be glad they showed their true colours now and you don't have to waste more time and money on them. These aren't people I'd continue to be friends with.

No_Illustrator8588 − NTA and you dodge a bullet. They probably woulve been short on rent eventually since theyre blowing what little money that they have on a good time.

fatsandlucifer − Girl! Stay with your parents as long as possible, save your coin, invest and once you’re in a great financial place get yourself a dream place BY YOURSELF. Leave those losers in the dust.. NTA

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Hansm84 − Um keeping score? These people aren’t your friends. Consider yourself lucky that you figured this out before signing the lease. NTA

rockology_adam − NTA. While keeping score in a friendship IN GENERAL is not good friendship, it sounds like you were pretty clear on the jobs being to help with moving in together right? These were specifically earmarked for getting the housing, and that means that keeping score is whats required on their part of the friendship.

Bella and Zach are certainly not responsible people and I don't think they view you as the same level of friend that you view them. Have a friendly person at work ensure that the sidework dries up on them. Decide whether you want to stay friends. Do not move in with them.

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OberonDiver − This is good. Now you know not to associate with them BEFORE you got tied up in a situation that would be harder to get out of. Be happy.

Lovebug-1055 − I think the universe just gave you the gift of learning a lesson before it really got bad for you. They are not your friends. Time to move on.

Common-Drawer3132 − You're upset because you supported them financially and emotionally, and then they ditched you. That's not scorekeeping, that's recognizing you were taken advantage of.

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cinekat − NTA. You’ve been used.

cumonohito − Concider yourself lucky this happened prior to moving in together. Better to learn now how they are going to act instead of after a commitment.

These Redditors went all-in, hailing the Redditor’s wake-up call or roasting Zach and Bella’s bar-tab priorities. Some see freeloaders who’d have mooched forever; others marvel at her patience for sticking it out this long. Their fiery takes paint a picture of betrayal and dodged bullets, but some wonder if a softer talk could’ve saved the trio. One thing’s certain—this saga’s got the internet buzzing with takes as bold as a neon-lit club.

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So, our Redditor’s left with a sour taste—friends who partied away their plans and flipped the blame. Her outburst wasn’t scorekeeping; it was standing up for herself. Zach and Bella showed their colors, but the real question is what’s next for this trio. Was she too harsh, or did they deserve the heat? Share your take—how would you handle friends who treat your kindness like a blank check?

 

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