AITA for throwing away my husband’s father’s day gifts after what he did on mother’s day?

In a lively home with a 6-year-old’s chatter and an 8-month-old’s coos, a mother’s heart swelled with hope as her husband teased a grand Mother’s Day weekend. Years of feeling sidelined had stung, but his promises—brushing off her simple massage request as “not enough”—hinted at something big. Instead, a bonfire with strangers left her chasing kids alone, while he vanished for late-night four-wheeling. Mother’s Day brought more letdowns: a work shift, a five-minute walk cut short, and a $5 container as her “gift.” Devastated, she hurled his personalized Father’s Day gifts into the trash.

This isn’t just a weekend gone wrong; it’s a piercing story of broken promises and emotional neglect. His claim of “trying,” after finding the trashed gifts, only deepens the rift. Can they heal this wound, or has resentment taken root? It’s a tale that hits close to home.

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‘AITA for throwing away my husband’s father’s day gifts after what he did on mother’s day?’

Her heartbreak and fury spill out in a raw Reddit post, detailing the Mother’s Day that broke her. Here’s her story, straight from the heart:

My husband and I have 2 kids (6yo boy and 8mo girl). He told me for two weeks leading up to mothers day that he had an entire weekend planned for me. This is NOT normal, but there's been years in the past where I did complain and feel hurt because he didn't really do much of anything for me on Mother's Day but I always went all out for him on Father's Day and I just felt unappreciated.

So I'm thinking that he finally understood where I was coming from and was going to make it special for me this year. I quite literally ONLY asked for a massage and he repeatedly said that he couldn't just give me a massage because it 'wasn't enough'. So like.. idk. At this point I'm truly thinking this man went all out.

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Anyways, Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up. He invited a good 10-15 people over. I think I knew 2 people. He called it the 'Mother's Day bonfire'. We had a fire alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening (my 6yo, while holding the baby, and some other persons 2 kids because they weren't watching them) and quite literally no one spoke to me.

I wasn't acknowledged until the very end of the evening and that was by my husband buddy who told me he was 'stealing' my husband to go out four wheeling. It's like 11pm at this point and everyone (except me) was drinking. I said my husband wasn't going anywhere. I even said this to my husband. 'You're drinking, you're not going anywhere'.

He took that as a 'oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go'. So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone. I'm extremely hurt at this point because this was my promised weekend and I got stuck with other people's kids, wasn't spoken to at all, had a mess to clean up and now my husband is taking off. I explain how hurt I am the next morning.

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He says he gets it and apologizes and says he just had too much to drink and wasn't really thinking clearly. Okay, I get it. It's whatever. We didn't do anything Saturday because he spent half the day sleeping off a hangover. Well, yesterday rolls around and his boss calls him at 6am and asks him to come in to work because they are short staffed and he said yes?

So I expressed hurt and said 'but it's Mother's Day'. And he says 'I know, I'm sorry, I just don't want to pass up the opportunity for more hours'. Which, I get that too. So, whatever. He gets home at 5pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door so I'm thinking we are finally going to celebrate.

We end up going on a walk (I love walking) but 5 minutes in and he's complaining and has us turn around because of the black flies (they weren't even bad). So again, I'm disappointed. When we get back home he lays down on the couch and says 'oh your gift is in the truck'. So I go down and it's a $5 storage container for sugar/flour. I do like stuff like this but I'm so hurt at this point.

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I asked him if I could at least get a massage and he says 'I'm sorry babe, I'm just so tired' and falls asleep around 8pm when he usually doesn't even go to bed until midnight/1am. I just sat there crying. I took the 3 gifts that I already bought him for Father's Day and chucked them in the trash can. Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit but I don't even care anymore.

He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and why they were in the trash covered in food and I told them they were his father's day gifts and left it at that. He's now saying that he 'tried' to make my weekend special and that he's hurt by me throwing away his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.

This mother’s Mother’s Day unraveling is a vivid snapshot of a marriage strained by misaligned expectations. Her husband’s buildup of a special weekend, after years of her feeling unappreciated, raised hopes sky-high, only to crash with a bonfire where she was ignored, saddled with kids, and abandoned for his drunken adventure. Mother’s Day itself—marred by his work, a brief walk he cut short, and a cheap gift—ignored her sole wish for a massage. Her act of trashing his Father’s Day gifts, costly and personal, was a raw outcry against feeling invisible.

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Unmet emotional needs can erode relationships. A 2022 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that 35% of couples with young children report feeling neglected by their partner, fostering resentment (source: Journal of Marriage and Family). Her caregiving load, unmet by his effort, fueled her drastic response.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Turning toward a partner’s bids for connection, like celebrating milestones, builds trust; ignoring them breeds contempt” (source: Gottman Institute). Gottman’s insight highlights the husband’s failure to honor her need for recognition, turning her anticipation into pain. Her retaliation, though destructive, was a desperate plea for him to see her.

They need a calm, honest conversation, possibly with a couples therapist, to address their disconnect and set clear expectations. The husband must take accountability, not deflect, while she should express her hurt without escalating. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy offers tools to find therapists (source: AAMFT). She could also seek support from friends to lighten her parenting load.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s buzzing with hot takes on this marital meltdown—brace for candid, no-holds-barred opinions!

TheBird_Is_The_Word − Wow, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. He should be proud to be with you. The two of you picked each other. He should be happy to have you by his side. I would have one more very serious talk about this behavior. If it still feels off afterward, then you have your answer. If you uprooted not only your life but your child's, he needs to be putting in the effort to make you feel comfortable in this new area alongside him.

OverKookie_Crumble − I’m sorry, but it sounds like he’s embarrassed to be seen with you. This isn’t any fault of your own, but if your race truly didn’t matter, he would treat you with respect, and be proud to have you as his wife, no matter where he is, and no matter who he’s in front of.. It’s somewhat seen as a micro aggression, and it’s very degrading and disrespectful of him to do that.

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What if he has his kid with him, will he pretend your child isn’t his, because he’s getting odd looks?. While he refuse to take your child out, because he doesn’t people to know he has a black child? His behavior isn’t okay, and the reason he won’t be upfront, is because he knows his excuse is hurtful and would reflect his true thoughts.

Being one of the only black people in a predominantly white area is tough, and honestly from what you’ve expressed, I wouldn’t trust your husband to stand up for you or keep you safe. This move should’ve been more thought out, because as another black woman, we really have to be careful where we go. Unfortunately, there are many places where we still aren’t welcomed, or accepted, and it can truly be dangerous.

jajbliss − OP, some people commenting are not black hence there are comments about sitting down and talking about it. But as a black woman I'd advise you to think about the future critically: What happens when you and fiancé have kids who are dark skinned? Would he refuse to hold his child in public because he doesn't want to be associated with a black woman??

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You have a BLACK child, how does he treat your black child in public??? What happens if you're not around and he needs to take your child(his stepchild) to the park? Is he also going to abandon the child because he/she is black?

Your fiancé is a middle aged man who's supposed to have a backbone but would rather not be seen in public with you and he has also moved you away from your support system, to a town where there are virtually no people of colour. Have you checked how your child is coping at a school where he is the only black child?

You need to understand that a lot of RACISTS date/marry people of colour and the fact that your fiancé is engaged to a black woman doesn't mean he can't be a r**ist. Contrary to popular belief among certain r**ist folks, no one can f-ck their way out of racism. It's time to have a little bit of self respect and d**p that man because when a person SHOWS you who they are, you should believe them.

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TinyAdhesiveness287 − If he truly TRULY being completely innocent- the next time you’re in a public place where he pulls this crap take his hand or some other small gesture that clearly indicates you’re together and see how he reacts you’ll have your answer though I doubt you’ll like it sadly. You deserve better.

pl487 − Let's be generous and say that people staring makes him anxious and he has trouble handling it.. Well, he's got to get over it. People will notice him acting this way and things will get worse.  You've just got to sit down and have an honest talk. If he's not able to act normal, you can't live there. . Beta blockers if he has to. 

tprater23 − I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this but I need you to be honest. Put on your mom hat. Your son is in an environment where he's being gawked at just like you. The male figure in his life that you have chosen, doesn't want to be seen with him, so he's isolated and probably feeling worse than you.

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The man that you've chosen has emotionally abandoned both of you during this time of transition and probably start to resent your presence whenever he's confronted about the situation by anyone else in the city. Which is why you can only be together behind closed doors until he comes to terms with his feelings.

I don't want to say walk away but the writing is definitely on the wall. He's ashamed, shame and love can't reside in the same place for long. You're definitely going to have to address this with him.

itsmemeowmeow − Why is it ALWAYS the guy who’s drastically older than his female partner?! And you shaved the damned beard of this adult man to help him secure this well-paying job? Oh HELL, no. Your future self will thank you for kicking this weak excuse for a man to the curb.. And sorry on behalf of Caucasians, f**king hell.

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FickleDrawing9247 − I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way—it’s completely valid. You’ve made huge sacrifices for him, supported him through a major life change, and then to feel isolated and maybe even hidden? That’s not okay.

Those stares and that shift in your fiancé’s behavior would absolutely raise red flags for anyone. You shouldn’t have to question your worth or your relationship just because others can’t mind their business—or because he might be uncomfortable standing strong next to the woman who’s had his back.

Your intuition seems strong, and honestly? If it feels off, it probably is. That goes for the town, and the man. You deserve to be loved out loud, not in private or only when it’s convenient for his image. Whatever you decide, just know your feelings are real and you’re not crazy for having them.

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SteelToeSnow − I'm so sorry, that really sucks. like, i can't imagine how isolated you must feel, how alienated by all these rude people, and your partner being such a jerk.. Clearly he’s uncomfortable about being seen with me in public. This is exactly it. he's made uncomfortable by the staring, so he abandons you so that he doesn't have to feel that way.

These Redditors are dropping bold insights, but are they spot-on, or just adding fuel?

This mother’s story is a gut-wrenching clash of hope, neglect, and retaliation, with a botched Mother’s Day driving her to trash her husband’s gifts. His broken promises and absence left her unseen, while his hurt over the discarded gifts exposes their mutual pain. Can they rebuild with open hearts, or will bitterness linger? What would you do when a partner’s efforts fall painfully short? Toss your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s dive into this!

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