AITA for telling people in school about my dad’s affair with his wife?

In a sleepy, conservative town where secrets spread like wildfire, a 16-year-old boy carries the weight of grief and betrayal. After losing his mother to illness, he’s forced to live with his father’s new family—a household built on the ashes of an affair that tore his world apart. His raw honesty about this painful past, shared among schoolmates, sends shockwaves through the community, turning casual conversations into a public reckoning for his father and stepmother.

The boy’s truth-telling transforms grocery store aisles into scenes of judgment, as his stepmother faces whispers and sidelong glances. Her sharp retort, blaming his late mother for the affair, only deepens his resolve to speak out. Caught in a tangle of loyalty to his mom’s memory and a family that feels foreign, his story unfolds as a poignant clash of pain, truth, and the fallout of choices made long ago.

‘AITA for telling people in school about my dad’s affair with his wife?’

I (16m) live with my dad, his wife and the kids they have together who are 12 and 9. I actually had very little contact with my dad until 2 years ago when my mom got sick, and ended up in the hospital. She died three months after going into the hospital.

Then I got stuck with his happy little family. My parents were married when my dad met his wife. She worked with him and they started an affair. The affair only came to light when she got pregnant. I found out about it through my aunt and uncle.

I stayed with my mom, dad sometimes saw me. I have never been afraid to be honest about why I don't like living with 'my family'. I have talked about it in school since I moved in with them, in their small ass conservative town. Word has gotten out more and my dad's wife found out how people will judge.

She was grocery shopping and a 'friend' of hers told her to stay away from her husband. Things got out from there. They also found out I mentioned how my parents marriage only ended because dad got his wife pregnant during the affair.

Their kids never knew about this and found out via mean kids at school. They ended up confronting me over it and I told them they were coming to the wrong person if they wanted an apology because I didn't give a s**t about their feelings or them being embarrassed. Dad told me I had a s**tty attitude.

I told him he shouldn't expect me to celebrate their affair or their relationship. She then told me if my mom was a good wife and mother my dad never would have strayed in the first place, and that I had the chance to have a family and was punishing them when it wasn't my place.

I told her if she ever, ever said anything negative about my mom again then she would be happy to settle for embarrassment because I would make sure everyone knew just how terrible she is to speak crap about her stepsons dead mom

when she had slept with his father behind his mom's back and helped in the breakdown of his family. They still insist I should not be telling people their personal business and making their lives harder by spreading gossip.. AITA?

Living with the fallout of a parent’s affair is like navigating a minefield of emotions, especially for a grieving teenager. This 16-year-old’s decision to share his father’s infidelity at school reflects a need to process his pain in a world that feels upended. His stepmother’s cruel jab at his late mother escalates the tension, revealing a family dynamic strained by unaddressed guilt and resentment.

ADVERTISEMENT

The boy’s honesty isn’t about gossip—it’s his lived reality, shaped by his mother’s death and his forced move into a home born of betrayal. His father and stepmother’s demand for silence ignores how their actions reshaped his life. The stepmother’s deflection, blaming the boy’s mother, betrays her own discomfort with her role in the affair, while the father’s criticism of the boy’s “attitude” sidesteps accountability.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in a 2018 article on blended families, states, “Trust in blended families requires acknowledging past hurts, not burying them.” This rings true here: the boy’s pain demands validation, not suppression. Forcing him to hide the truth only deepens his isolation, while the adults’ defensiveness blocks healing.

Therapy could help the boy process his grief, while family counseling might encourage the adults to own their past choices. Open dialogue, though messy, is the path to rebuilding trust.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community rallied behind the teenager, seeing his honesty as a justified response to a painful family history. They view his father and stepmother’s embarrassment as the natural consequence of their actions, with many condemning the stepmother’s cruel remark about his late mother as indefensible.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She then told me if my mom was a good wife and mother my dad never would have strayed in the first place. What kind of old fashioned crap is that?

lorienne22 − NTA. Bottom line: if you're embarrassed to tell the world what you're doing, then you probably shouldn't do it. They're embarrassed over their own actions. If it was such a great thing, why are they so ashamed to tell people? BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY'RE WRONG! They're awful people and I wouldn't care about their feelings either.

ADVERTISEMENT

Late-Work-6312 − Lol! Your dad doesn't get to have an affair without it affecting his children and their mother. You can't cheat in a vacuum. Therefore it is not private since his choices affect people who depend on him.This is a text book example of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Huge NTA. You are grieving right now. I'm sorry your mom is gone bro. Life will get better but it takes time.

roseifyoudidntknow − NTA. It is their personal business, but it's yours too. Your only speaking your truth.. *gasp* *the consequences of our own actions, what ever will we do?*

jimmap − NTA and you are not spreading rumors. You are spreading the truth. IF you don't want to be embarrased by people knowing you're a cheater then don't cheat.

ADVERTISEMENT

heatherlincoln − NTA tell people what she said about your mum too, they did the crime they can deal with the fallout.

mercury-mizuno − NTA. They know what they did was wrong, and now they're all upsetti spaghetti that other people know about it too. Die mad, I say

crochetbug − NTA. The problem with extra-marital affairs is right in the name. One of the 'extra' parts of this affair is you, and 4 years old when your world got blown apart. What your dad and his wife did is part of your life story, and you are free to tell it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Justlooking4noww − I think NTA - just because of the way you worded it. It sounds like you moved to a new place, met new people and was just talking about your life experiences and what happened to cause you to move in with your dad.

The information spread and now your dad and his wife have to deal with natural consequences. It is unfortunate that the little kids have to deal with this, but this just proves that affairs affect more than just the couple and affair partner.

It fundamentally changes the way a cheater is viewed, trusted, and treated. If I knew someone was okay sleeping with someone else’s husband, I wouldn’t want her near my husband (don’t have one currently tho).

ADVERTISEMENT

You are 16, so if college is something you want, start applying for scholarships and looking at what paperwork you will need to complete to show you have no help from your parents. Your dad and his wife will probably not help financially or providing you with the necessary documents for financial aid.

You should also start saving money. If you are not looking at college, you can look for roommates and jobs in different towns or cities since it sounds like you are trying to move away from your dad’s family. I hope it gets better for you.

ImagineSnapDragons − NTA. Cheating is not about the person being cheated on. It is a reflection of the person doing the cheating. In this case, your dad and his wife. It’s easier for her to deflect and blame your mom for being a “bad wife” then take any responsibility for her actions.

ADVERTISEMENT

They’re angry at you for exposing them, and even more angry to learn that actions have consequences. The harm we cause to others often catches up to us in one way or another. They both should feel deeply ashamed. I’m so sorry for your loss, op. I have little doubt your mom loved you so deeply. Carry that love with you wherever you go, my dear.

Commenters emphasize that the boy’s story is his to tell, as the affair directly shaped his life. They argue that the adults’ demand for privacy overlooks how their choices impacted their children, reinforcing that truth-telling isn’t gossip when it’s part of one’s reality.

This teenager’s bold honesty lays bare the messy truth of a family built on an affair, where grief and loyalty collide with demands for silence. His story reminds us that actions have lasting ripples, especially for those caught in their wake. How would you navigate the balance between truth and family ties in such a tangled situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *