AITA for telling my son to get over the divorce?

A family celebration turned awkward when a son’s lingering resentment over his parents’ divorce surfaced at his engagement dinner. His sharp comment about the “trauma” of their split prompted his father to urge him to move on after nine years, sparking tension. Was the father too harsh, or was the son’s public jab out of line?

Shared on social media, this story has users debating family boundaries and emotional healing. Many support the father’s call for closure, while others empathize with the son’s pain. It’s a poignant clash of past decisions and present expectations. Let’s explore this heartfelt family drama.

'AITA For Telling My Son To Get Over The Divorce?'

The conflict stemmed from a long-ago decision to divorce.

My ex-wife, Natalie, and I had an amicable but not loving marriage.. We had 2 children, Michael (28M) and Lily (30F). When Michael was about 10 years old, she and...

But for reasons at the time (mainly our children), we decided to continue the marriage until our children left home.Basically nothing has changed on a daily basis, we were* still...

The divorce, delayed for the children, hit their son hard.

When Michael moved away for college and home permanently (at age 19) we decided to make the gradual move and finally make our divorce official. Michael didn't handle it well....

that it was a bad phase in the marriage and not to sign the divorce paper until we were sure. We explained together, separately that it wasn't a bad phase...

The issue resurfaced at a family event.

Over time, he conformed (but hasn't accepted until today). I am currently married and so is Natalia. We have a great relationship and often spend Christmas and New Year's together...

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What happened: Michael is engaged to Liam and we recently had dinner with him, his in-laws, fiance and Natalie to celebrate the engagement. Michael still has a habit of making...

and how traumatizing his parents' experience of getting divorced was. Several times, I said that this was something that hurt us to hear, because above all, my ex and I...

A public comment pushed the father to his limit.

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During dinner, we were talking to his in-laws and they asked how long we'd been apart and how good we had a relationship etc. Michael at some point, said: "It...

To say that Natalie and I were embarrassed that he said it in front of his in-laws is not necessary. I had my limit and I said "Look, Mike, I...

but it's been 9 years that your mother and I haven't been together and you didn't even live with us during this process. We are already in another moment of...

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The son felt dismissed, escalating the tension.

He was quiet and stayed that way for most of dinner, saying only what was necessary. Later, I got a text from him criticizing me saying I should respect his...

This family dispute reveals the lasting impact of divorce on adult children, even in amicable cases. The father’s urging to “get over it” reflects frustration with ongoing complaints, especially in a public setting. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Validating feelings while setting boundaries fosters mutual understanding”. The son’s public comment was poorly timed, undermining the celebratory mood and his parents’ efforts to minimize harm.

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From the son’s perspective, the divorce shattered his view of his parents’ “perfect” marriage, possibly feeling like a betrayal. His ongoing resentment suggests unprocessed grief, which therapy could address. The father’s response, while understandable, may have felt dismissive, escalating the son’s hurt.

To resolve this, the father could acknowledge Michael’s feelings privately, affirming his love while encouraging professional support. Michael should avoid airing grievances publicly, respecting his parents’ new lives. A family discussion could clarify expectations, balancing empathy with moving forward.

Ultimately, healing from divorce takes time, but public settings demand tact. Both parties could benefit from open, private communication to mend this rift.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many users supported the father, citing the son’s inappropriate timing.

He_Who_Is_Right_ − If your son wants to vent, he needs to go to a therapist. What your son was doing was criticizing you in front of his future in–laws. That's...

RoyallyOakie − NTA. ..venting at such an event is not appropriate. He should seek the help he needs if he still can't accept the situation. You have a right to...

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arsenicpixie − NTA. It wasn't appropriate dinner conversation, but he brought it up first. 9 years is a really long time to not be able to adjust to a change...

Have you ever explained to Michael that you and your ex were only staying together for the kids for most of his life? He can't just attack you about a...

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's been 9 years - more than enough time to recover from it. He needs to see a therapist and work out his feelings if he's...

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Some highlighted the son’s hypocrisy and need for growth.

JenantD80 − So your son is a h__ocrite and doesn't even care. .. You have to respect HIS feelings, but he doesn't have to respect yours. YOU shouldn't say anything...

sundayontheluna − Michael has the right to be upset about the divorce, but it doesn't look like he's trying to work through it. And it's mighty hypocritical of him to...

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lifeoffthegrid2050 − NTA Michael needs to understand the sacrifice you and your ex made for his stability. It’s painful to stay in a marriage that isn’t whole and everyone deserves...

Others acknowledged the son’s pain but urged therapy.

esk_7140 − NAH Your point of view is valid, and so is your son's. The mask of a perfect relationship is what got you here. Because you pretended to be...

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The divorce came as a huge shock, and unfortunately your son isn't over it yet. He could use a therapist to help him. It's usually easier when the children see...

[Reddit User] − NTA Michael was an adult and living elsewhere when you divorced and he’s an adult now. He can get therapy to cope. You and Natalia don’t need...

It’s quite funny to me that he called you out for saying those things in front of his in-laws but he actually started that by saying things in front of...

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mouskaka − NTA He’s an adult and can vent in the presence of a professional.

YMMV-But − ESH. Michael needs to accept that talking to you about his feelings is never going to be productive. If he wants to talk about your divorce, he should...

that nothing changed & that your kids weren’t hurt by what you did, that you ignore anything that contradicts that version. Obviously, Michael did suffer, he found the divorce very...

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Imagine admiring your parents & their marriage for your whole life, & then they tell you it was a sham & the last 10 years of it were a complete...

If you don’t think that’s disillusioning and hurtful, then I can’t imagine what you would think was a disillusionment. And your advice now - and probably then - is get...

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an0nym0uswr1ter − NTA. You can't revolve the rest of your life and your relationships around him. He is a grown man and him criticizing you is not helping you or...

LaMom4 − Your son feels lied to and betrayed. His entire childhood feels like a lie to him. Everything he had in his mind for what his adult life would...

He needs to go to therapy and you need to realize that this is just as real to him today as they first day you split up. This is why...

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userabe − NTA. Not for the specifics of the situation, but your son seems intent on openly judging you and your ex for doing what was best for each other....

Since the divorce was amicable and you are still friends, you are correct that your son needs to get over it. He’s allowed to have his feelings, those feelings don’t...

Critical-Tiger3011 − Nta. He was old enough to understand it wasn’t go work & still tried to force y’all then. 9 years later he’s still doing it.

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This engagement dinner drama shows how past family decisions can linger, even years later. The father’s call for his son to move on was fueled by frustration, but the son’s public jab stirred the pot first. Social media users largely backed the father, urging therapy for the son. Was the father too blunt, or was the son’s comment out of line? How would you navigate lingering family tensions?

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