AITA for telling my son that his pregnant ex is going to live with us no matter what he says, and giving his college fund to her?

A single mom exploded in anger when she learned her 18-year-old son’s 17-year-old ex-girlfriend was pregnant and being kicked out by her parents—especially after finding out he broke up with her over it. She immediately offered the girl a home and declared she’d redirect her son’s college fund to help her and the baby.

The son, shocked and hurt, argued she should support him as his mother. She fired back that he didn’t deserve it right now, hanging up and leaving him reeling. Now questioning if her protective instincts went too far, she’s seeking outside perspectives on this emotional mess.

‘AITA for telling my son that his pregnant ex is going to live with us no matter what he says, and giving his college fund to her?’

The mom has raised her son alone, saving diligently for his future while he dated casually:

I (44F) am a single mom to my son, he’s 18. I work full time and make a decent money, and I have some savings set aside from what my...

Okay so over the past couple years he’s dated several girls for a few weeks to months at a time. They all seemed nice enough, and he was having a...

She bonded quickly with his latest girlfriend:

But about 3 months ago he brought home his latest girlfriend (Lisa, she’s 17), and we really formed a connection. She doesn’t have a great home life, and started seeing...

The crisis unfolded dramatically:

Yesterday she called me in tears, and she was almost hysterical so I told her please come over straight away, it’s going to be okay. She asked if my son...

She came over and I tried to comfort her, and she said that she was pregnant and her parents were kicking her out of the house. I told her she...

She said she wasn’t sure about that, in a kind of sarcastic and angry way. I asked her why and she said my son broke up with her because she...

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Her immediate reaction was fury toward her son:

I was furious with him he was out with his “friends” and I called him repeatedly until he picked up, and I told him I cannot believe I have raised...

I said even if he does not want to take responsibility for this, Lisa and her baby are going to be part of our family that she is going to...

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He was shocked and said I should be in “his corner” because I’m his mom. I said well f__k that, you don’t deserve to have someone in your corner right...

This is such a messed up situation, I just want to hear someone else’s opinion. Am in the wrong here? Was I too harsh, is there something I could be...

Reacting strongly to a teen pregnancy crisis is understandable, especially with personal history as a single mom, but immediate escalation risks alienating your own child while potentially overlooking key facts. Empathy for the girlfriend is admirable, yet loyalty to family starts with your son.

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Family counselor Dr. Joshua Coleman, expert on parental estrangement, warns: “Cutting off support or siding dramatically against a child can lead to permanent rifts, even when trying to do right” (source: insights from “Rules of Estrangement”). Confirming paternity and pregnancy first avoids irreversible mistakes.

Threatening the college fund punishes harshly without dialogue—it could hinder his ability to support any child long-term. Better: encourage responsibility through open talks, shared planning, and resources like counseling.

Balancing compassion for the teen mom with unwavering support for your son prevents choosing sides in a way that fractures bonds. Professional mediation could help navigate co-parenting dynamics fairly.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Opinions were mixed but leaned heavily toward judging her harshly for rushing to extremes without full facts:

Active_Pooter - NtA you're doing right and you're a saint for helping this girl and holding your son accountable, but is a__rtion off the table?

Many urged caution and verification:

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jacksonlove3 - I don’t think you’re the a__hole for wanting to be supportive of her and for your son to be involved. But before you go making life changing decisions...

2) get a paternity test. You honestly don’t know the whole story here as of yet.

If it turns out she is pregnant and it is his, then by all means go forward with your plans of her moving in and being supportive. I don’t think...

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A honest heart to heart with just your son is definitely needed as well. I totally understand that emotions were flying high when this all happened, but you don’t want...

Some tough love may be needed & he needs to be accountable for his part in making this baby, but completely pushing him away isn’t what you want to do...

Then I’d sit down with both of them and figure out all this is all going to work, what the expectations should be & are going to be with this...

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To school too? Helping around the house? Who’s helping with appointments & expenses, etc. there’s a lot here to work out! Good luck! Update us! Updateme

lady_wildcat - INFO: are you sure it is his child? How would you feel if it turns out it wasn’t his? Would you still consider her family? ETA: I forgot...

The point I’m making is that giving away a whole college fund is a permanent decision, and you need to make sure your son is actually the father and he...

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Several called her out for overreacting and projecting:

Europeangirl101 - Sorry, but your reaction was way over the top. A few things: 1. You're letting your sympathy for Lisa cloud your judgement.

Please don't take it the wrong way, but let your son explain how it happened. What if the baby isn't even his? You can't know for sure, you don't know...

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What if she did this to get out of her house? Maybe your kid knows something you don't, so I suggest listening to him first.

2. Don't strip him of the opportunity to go to college. He will need a good education no matter what, please try to help Lisa in other ways without striping...

3. Even if he's just a dou*he, he's still your kid and you should sit with him and have a conversation about why he feels he has no obligation towards...

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[Reddit User] - Let me get this straight, OP doesn't even know if the kid is her son's or not, but this was her reaction?

? Yeah, I'm pretty sure your experience as a single mom not only caused you to take your traumas out on your kid, wildly cloud your judgement, and caused one...

For your sake, I hope it is his kid, because if it's not, I'd already be planning on how I was going to cut you off - you're not someone...

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and he needs to move out and away from you ASAP There's this one story about the nosy parents who didn't believe their son about not having a kid, when...

Not only was it not his, the son was gay. This is sounding similar. YTA

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Glittering_Joke3438 - Wow you really are ready and willing to immediately go scorched earth on your son over an unborn child that no one even knows for sure is his,...

Others suggested balanced approaches:

VeraXavier - There is so much in this post. NTA. It's very a kind of you to let her stay with you. 1st. You need to sit your son down...

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2nd. Is the gal sure she wants to keep the baby? She is 17. How is she going to manage. ...life as a whole?

3.Are they absolutely sure the baby is your sons? This sounds like a very bad question but they are both young.

4. Will taking away his college funds help this situation? It will most likely ruin your relationship with your son.

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5. Are you gonna take long time responsibilities of the gal and the baby? Am just saying.

There is so much more to this situation then just taking away his college funds and letting her stay with you. There is a baby on the way and a...

[Reddit User] - Can't imagine my mom just immediately taking the side of a girl I've known for 3 months, calling my in hysterics as if she knows the whole...

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Practical advice amid judgment:

[Reddit User] - Woah, momma, i get it, I'd be pissed too. First and foremost, DNA test. She can be upset as she wants to but you nor your son...

Second, if this child is his, he needs to have an education so I would suggest you keeping the money yourself, using half paying for his schooling while he either...

You can help pay for the babies needs as they come with the other half of the college fund. As she is newly pregnant and 17, she can also get...

As for the living arrangement, that's a tough one. If you have extra room, it's your house and you have final say as to who lives there and who doesn't....

As for anything else, only the future will tell, I'm just suggesting what needs to happen as of right now. Good luck, OP, you're gonna need it.

Ellie96S - My verdict would depend on the outcome of the paternity test you should definitely be insisting upon. The girl is 17 and they have only been dating for...

No-Gap2946 - ESH - because both your son AND Lisa deserve to have someone in their corner. Did he react well? No but telling him he doesn’t deserve anyone in...

He might also just be a jerk but until you take the time to talk to him you won’t know. Ps: taking away the entire college fund is a step...

Primary-Tie-4635 - YTA . . as other stated you have no idea the inner workings of their relationship. And giving his college fund away? How do you expect him to...

Or take out loans that will eat whatever money he does manage to make up? You are acting like you care more about the girl than your own son. You...

hiseoh8 - Are you sure it's your son's? Not for nothing but you didn't even listen to him. You just flew off the handle and started cursing at him. She...

Is it? I'm sorry but teenagers can manipulate in the worst way. You are doing the right thing by wanting to support her. And it's nobody's decision to make.

But I couldn't imagine wanting to be out on the streets with a baby at 17. It's easier to make choices when you have a safety net. It's a s__t...

And you're expecting him to just BE an adult without any guidance? And your response is to take college from him? Or a trade school? How is he supposed to...

ThatSlothDuke - YTA. You have no idea about what has happened. The girl could be abusive. She could have been cheating on your son. They could have broken up for...

You literally just heard the side of a stranger and turned on your son. You alienated him. Do you even want to hear what your son has to say about...

Or do you just want to blindly adopt the woman who CLAIMED to have gotten pregnant? Are you even sure if she's pregnant? What if she just lied to make...

IF what the gf said is right, tell him that even though you can't force him to be a father, you will support the child. And let him do what...

[Reddit User] - Paternity. Test. First. You know absolutely nothing about this. You don’t know if it’s his. You don’t know if she baby-trapped him. You know nothing. She could...

It’s happened countless times. He’s 18 and you chose a literal stranger over your own kid. Yes YTA. He needs your support. He MAY have made a mistake.

But you are projecting your own single-mom feelings onto this girl over your own kid. You’re wrong.

ETA INFO: have you even spoken to her parents? How do you know anything at all other than what she’s telling you? She’s a minor. They can’t just kick her...

Are you going for fostering her to get funds and benefits she’d be entitled to? Is she on her parents insurance? She should be. Too many unanswered questions. I suggest...

This raw confrontation exposes the pain and complexity when teen pregnancy hits close to home—emotions run high, and quick judgments can deepen wounds on all sides. The mom’s protective fury is relatable, but many feel it crossed into punishing her son without hearing him out.

The crowd mostly urged pause: verify facts, talk calmly, and avoid permanent moves like reallocating funds. Ever faced a family crisis where loyalty felt split? Would you demand paternity proof first, or open your door unconditionally? Weigh in below.

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