AITA for telling my sister she doesn’t get to ask me to hate my dad for her?

A heartfelt family talk spiraled into an emotional showdown when an 18-year-old faced her younger sister’s demand to despise their father—a man who’s been her rock. The twist? He’s not her sister’s biological father, a truth unearthed after their mother’s affair shattered their family. For years, the younger sister’s envy has festered, boiling over into pleas for her sibling to sever ties with their dad for “rejecting” her. When the older sister stood firm, refusing to betray her father and pointing to their mother’s betrayal as the root of the mess, harsh words and raw pain erupted.

The clash reveals the complexity of loyalty, betrayal, and the scars of a broken family. The online community stands solidly behind the older sister, insisting she’s not at fault. Let’s unravel this poignant drama and see where it all went wrong.

‘AITA for telling my sister she doesn’t get to ask me to hate my dad for her?’

A painful divorce set the stage for lingering wounds and complex loyalties.

So my parents divorced when I was 3. My mom was cheating on my dad and my sister who is 18 months younger turned out not to be his.

My dad knew she was cheating and he left her just after my sister was born--which is when he found out, but he had to fight for a DNA test...

The younger sister’s longing for a father figure fueled resentment toward her sister’s bond with their dad.

My sister has always been jealous that I have a dad and she doesn't and I always understood.

But around 5 years ago she started saying I should hate my dad because he abandoned her and didn't step up when she had no other family but our mom...

The sisters’ relationship crumbled under the weight of unresolved pain, driving a wedge between them.

Ever since we have had a pretty s**tty relationship that is volatile enough that I moved mostly with my dad.So I only see her and my mom occasionally now but...

Since I turned 18 in November I haven't seen them at all and she has started saying I'm siding with an abusive POS, a s**tty person and father who would...

The younger sister’s demands intensified, but the older sister held her ground, igniting a fiery confrontation.

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She said as my dad he should have loved her through me and that I owe it to her to stand up for that.I told her again that I won't...

She called me names. I told her to learn how to accept things and go after mom for her bio father if she wants to find out, and maybe blame...

The story highlights the enduring pain left by betrayal and the struggle to set boundaries. The younger sister’s demand that her sibling renounce their father stems from deep abandonment wounds, misdirected at the wrong target. Family therapist John Gottman explains, “Unhealed trauma from family ruptures can lead to misplaced blame, trapping loved ones in cycles of resentment” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 2015).

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The mother’s openness about her affair likely skewed the younger sister’s perspective, making it easier to vilify the father than confront the mother’s role as the sole parental figure she has left. The older sister’s empathy for her sister’s pain is heartfelt, but her refusal to sacrifice her bond with her father is a healthy boundary. Therapy could help the younger sister process her grief and redirect her anger, while the older sister should hold firm to her relationship with her dad, keeping the door open for future reconciliation.

See what others had to share with OP:

The online community rallied behind the older sister, affirming her right to cherish her father’s love.

sneeky_seer − NTA why doesn’t she hate your mum? At the end of the day, it was not your dad who created this whole situation.

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Snausagefestivus − NTA Your sister has a mom problem, not a dad or sister problem.

the-mirrors-truth − NTA This isn't your dad's fault, this is your mother's fault and it is not your fault and it's incredibly petty of her to try to impact your...

Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. It is unfortunate that her father chose not to be in her life and neither did your father, but it isn't your fault. It also isn't your...

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She is being completely unreasonable in being angry with your father and for asking you to be angry with your father on her behalf.

LivelyUnicorn − NTA - you are in no way responsible or should have to compensate anything in your life due to your mums mistakes! If she has no info on...

Many called out the mother’s infidelity and urged the younger sister to seek her biological father.

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sassybsassy − NTA. You're right your sister needs to be mad at your mother. Your father was well within his rights to not want to raise another man's baby.

It sucks that your mother has warped tour sisters thinking to such a degree. But why should you hate a man that been nothing but good to you? Your sister...

Rduos − NTA. Its about time to be harsh with Mom and Sis. Mom cheated. Mom lied. Mom failed in the relationship.

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cjuy − NTA. What your dad went through was hard but your sister should be mad at other people like your mom and the bio-dad for not stepping up.

dusktildawn9 − NTA - she needs to address her own issues. She shouldn’t be involving you like this at all. Also think about how hard it would be for your...

usernumber2020 − NTA she isn't his child. If anything she is a painful reminder of how his marriage failed. It takes a very generous person to overlook something like that.

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Some expressed empathy for the younger sister’s pain but stressed the need for professional help.

Esme-Weatherwaxes − NTA. You sister really needs therapy and sounds like she is suffering from abandonment issues. I feel very sad for her, but it’s not fair for her to...

How has your mum been managing this with your sister? Has she been bad mouthing your father to her? I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a lot of hidden...

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Acrobatic_Business49 − NTA: She's jealous, and that much isn't a surprise. But she needs therapy and she needs to understand that she was never your father's responsibility.

That she should, rightfully, be angry with her mother and with the man who wouldn't step up when the time came.

RollingKatamari − NTA-but I get where she's coming from, all her life she has missed out on a father because of what your mom did. It’s easier to put the...

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your sister has issues that SHE needs to work through. You can’t do it for her and you hating or not hating your father isn’t going...

Commenters suggested the mother’s narrative may have fueled the younger sister’s misplaced anger.

Mysterious-System680 − NTA. Your sister is being completely unreasonable in asking you to cut off your father.

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It's understandable that she would be jealous that you had a good relationship with your dad while she had no father in her life, but that's not a reason for...

If she has heard your mother condemn your father for divorcing her rather than staying and accepting your sister as his child, it could influence her view of the situation....

This raw tale exposes the deep wounds of a family torn by betrayal. The older sister’s refusal to forsake her father is a stand for her own truth, yet her younger sister’s pain runs raw and unresolved. The online community champions the older sister, urging therapy to help the younger heal. What do you think of her stand? How would you navigate a family fractured by secrets and hurt? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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