AITA for telling my sister it’s not my fault she has children?

Jonathan Hours
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In today’s dynamic world, balancing personal dreams with practical life choices often leads to unexpected family conflicts. One woman, after years of working non-stop in a banking job, finally finds the courage to reduce her working hours so she can pursue her passion for writing. Her decision, made with full support from her husband, comes at a time when she feels she deserves to focus on what truly makes her happy.

Yet, this shift in priorities sparks tension with her sister, who juggles full-time work and parenting responsibilities. The sister accuses her of laziness and indulgence—implying that child-rearing justifies long hours, while freedom from those responsibilities permits less commitment. This family clash raises the question: must personal fulfillment always bear the brunt of familial expectations?

‘AITA for telling my sister it’s not my fault she has children?’

For background I (F28) have been working for a bank as a processor for the last 10 years and while I know I’m lucky to have my job, my working pattern is good and I have the option to work from home, the job itself is boring and can be stressful, and it’s not what I want to do with my life.

I could never decide what I wanted to do when I was younger and instead of going to college, I decided to work and gain experience for maybe a year or so until I could make my mind up before returning to higher education. But I got too used to making money and never did. Fast forward 10 years and I’ve come to the conclusion that what I would like to do is write books full time.

I have been writing and self publishing for a few years now. However, I would like to be able to dedicate more time to it, but up until now that’s never been an option. My Husband (M30) was promoted almost 2 years ago now and is literally doing his dream job. He makes far more than I do but not quite enough to completely support us just yet. But recently he took me aside and said he knew I wasn’t happy in my job, and it was hurting him to see.

He suggested that instead of working a 40 hour week, I reduce my hours and maybe do 25 instead, as we can easily afford it. I was completely over the moon at the suggestion, and agreed. Work were also happy to accommodate due to my length service. My sister (F24) on the other hand, was not so happy about my decision.

My sister and her Husband (M27) both work full time hours and have two young children. My sister has accused me of being lazy and saying that I shouldn’t be taking less hours unless I have children, in order to do something that’s just a hobby. She says that even she has to work full time in order to raise her children and that me “not feeling like” working isn’t an excuse to sit around the house and do nothing all day, while my husband is out making money.

I’ve told her that I’ve worked non stop since I was 18 years old and now finally know what I want to do with my life, which got me the response that if I took more initiative to find out before now, I could have been doing what I love professionally for years instead of just starting out.

This is where I think I might have been an a**hole, but I basically told my sister that while I could sympathise with the fact she has a lot on her plate, it’s not my fault that she has children and I don’t. At this point she raged at me, saying I’m clearly too irresponsible to understand the sacrifice and dedication it takes to have one child, never mind two, and that if I want to be a part time worker and write “silly love stories” then I can go do that.

I’ve spoken to my parents and while they don’t think I’m in the wrong, they say I should be more understanding of why me and my husband being in a better financial position is a sore spot.. AITA?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Adopting a nontraditional career path can be a liberating yet challenging endeavor. In this situation, the narrator has worked relentlessly since the age of 18 but finally chooses to scale back her hours at a stable bank job to embrace her dream of becoming a full-time writer. Her decision reflects years of introspection about what it means to live authentically, even when it diverges from societal or familial expectations.

Experts in work–life balance emphasize that career decisions are deeply personal. According to relationship and career expert Dr. John Gottman, “Setting boundaries and prioritizing one’s personal aspirations are essential steps toward genuine fulfillment.” His insight underscores that comparing the responsibilities of parenthood with the pursuit of creative passions is not only an oversimplification but also a disservice to individuality. (Reference: )

Furthermore, it is crucial to recognize that individuals operate under vastly different circumstances. For the narrator, reducing her workload is a strategic and deliberate choice—one made possible by a supportive partner and financial stability. In contrast, her sister’s full-time employment is driven by the rigorous demands of caring for young children, a responsibility that inherently requires a different type of commitment. Such divergent paths illustrate that what works for one person may not work for another and that comparing them directly is both unfair and impractical.

The emotional stakes in this disagreement reveal deeper issues at play. The sister’s frustration appears to stem from personal sacrifices she has made and perhaps even from unfulfilled dreams of her own. It is common for family members, when faced with contrasting life choices, to project their insecurities and experiences onto one another. Maintaining healthy boundaries, therefore, is not merely about schedules or work hours—it is also about respecting each individual’s right to choose their path without undue judgment.

See what others had to share with OP:

Here are some candid and humorous hot takes from the Reddit community—perspectives that range from wholehearted support to biting criticism. These opinions, while varied, collectively underscore the notion that personal career choices should remain free from undue familial expectations:

eseus − NTA. Your sister’s logic is basically ‘if I struggle, you must struggle too’, which is just *misery loves company* in disguise. NTA for making choices that suit your life, especially since you’ve worked for it. Her frustration is understandable, but her entitlement isn’t. You didn’t make her life choices, so you don’t owe her an apology for yours.. \[P.S: Keep writing those ‘silly love stories’, sounds like she could use one.\]

Impressive_Moment786 − NTA-your sister is jealous that you don't have to work full-time but she does. If she doesn't have anything nice to say she shouldn't say anything at all because it really isn't any of her business how much or how little you work. That is strictly between you and your husband.

kirinspeaks − NTA. Your sister is jealous, and showing her ass about it. Live your life, write your books, and be happy.

fiestafan73 − Your sister sounds like one of those people who when you post vacation pictures on social media will comment “Must be nice.” Those people are incapable of being happy for others because they are so miserable. The best way to deal with them is to not deal with them anymore. Don’t give her any more information about your life and she can’t be a joy vampire. NTA.

Comfortable-Bug1737 − Oh, the green eyed monster has your sister baddddd

grayblue_grrl − NTA.. Your sister knows far too much of your business.. Put her on an information diet and put some distance between you.. She is not happy for your success.. She's jealous that you have control of your life and your husband is caring and thoughtful.. She doesn't have that - because of decisions SHE MADE.

Technical-Sea-3945 − NTA. ‘Unless you have kids, you should be working full time’ is a wild take. Like… what kind of dystopian logic is that? Enjoy your writing, and don’t let the bitterness get to you.

Top_Strawberry2348 − This is not the Misery Olympics. She has no earthly right to criticize you for reaching toward happiness. . Go for it! 

RemDC − You are an independent married woman.. Why are you seeking approval from your birth family for your marital and life choices?

No-good-ideas_Iowa80 − Is this a serious submission? Your life is your own. Your sister can pound sand.

In conclusion, the narrator’s decision to pursue her passion for writing by reducing her work hours is a deeply personal choice that deserves respect, not reproach. While her sister’s criticisms may be rooted in her own challenges and sacrifices as a full-time parent, it is important to acknowledge that each path comes with its own hurdles.

When our personal aspirations conflict with familial expectations, how do we strike the right balance between support and independence? What boundaries have you established in your own life to honor your dreams while navigating family pressures? Share your thoughts and experiences—your insights could help others find a path to self-fulfillment without resentment.

For those who want to read the sequel:  [UPDATE] – AITA for telling my sister it’s not my fault she has children?

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