AITA for telling my sister I wont be her maid of honor because she didnt come to my wedding due to her dog dying?

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Weddings are supposed to be joyous, once-in-a-lifetime occasions—emotional, magical, and maybe a little chaotic. But what happens when one of the most important people in your life ghosts your big day… because their dog passed away? That’s the heart-wrenching dilemma that one woman found herself tangled in. Her sister—her maid of honor—didn’t show up, claiming she was too devastated to attend just two days after her 14-year-old dog’s death.

Now, fast-forward a year. The grieving sister is engaged and wants the original poster (OP) to return the favor and be her maid of honor. But OP, still heartbroken over the absence at her wedding, said no. And that decision? It’s causing a full-blown family rift, with guilt trips, accusations, and emotional fallout at every turn.

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‘AITA for telling my sister I wont be her maid of honor because she didnt come to my wedding due to her dog dying?’

So I (28F) got married last year. It was a small but beautiful ceremony with our closest family and friends. My older sister (32F) and I have always had a complicated relationship, we’re close, but she’s also extremely emotional and kind of dramatic. She was supposed to be my maid of honor.

Two days before my wedding, her 14 year old dog passed away unexpectedly. I was obviously sympathetic, but she called me sobbing, saying she couldn’t emotionally handle coming to the wedding because she was too devastated. I tried to talk her down, even offered to have someone bring her home early if it was too much, but she refused and didn’t show up.

It hurt. A lot. She missed one of the biggest days of my life, and I had no maid of honor. We didn’t talk much after that. A few months ago, she got engaged and just last week asked me to be her maid of honor. I told her I couldn’t.

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I said I still felt hurt she missed my wedding, and while I love her, I just couldn’t pretend like everything was fine. She got extremely upset, said I was being cold and petty, and that her dog was like her child. Our parents are pressuring me to just be the bigger person.. I honestly don’t know anymore. AITA for saying no?

Letting someone down—especially on a wedding day—is a wound that lingers, even when the reason comes from a place of grief. OP’s story walks the tightrope between personal pain and family loyalty.

The emotional divide here stems from differing values. For OP, her wedding was a milestone where support from her closest loved ones was vital. Her sister, on the other hand, experienced what felt like a personal tragedy—the death of a pet she deeply loved. To her, this wasn’t “just a dog,” but a longtime companion and emotional anchor. These conflicting perspectives are at the heart of their fallout.

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Clinical psychologist Dr. Guy Winch once explained that “the grief over the loss of a pet can be as intense as losing a family member.” That grief, if not acknowledged or respected, often causes rifts in relationships—especially when timing forces people to choose one emotional need over another.

This situation also highlights how unspoken resentment can grow when forgiveness is expected, but never genuinely discussed. OP is still hurting, and her sister may feel blindsided that her pain had long-term consequences. Without open dialogue, their relationship risks hardening into cold politeness or distance masked by duty.

Ultimately, being a maid of honor requires emotional presence—not just a title. If OP still feels hurt and disconnected, stepping back may be the kinder choice, even if it doesn’t feel like the “nicer” one. Sometimes, honesty protects a relationship more than forced tradition.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and full of emotion:

Youwhooo60 − If you're doing this out of spite, then YTA. If you are sincerely declining because you don't want to uphold all the duties & obligations of being the maid of honor, then NTA.

PinkNGreenFluoride − Gently, YTA. I think she couldn't win, really. It was only 2 days after her dog passed. She wasn't ready. Either she skips your wedding and you're mad about that, or she comes to your wedding, breaks down and ends up drawing attention whether she really intends to or not.

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You'd probably be even madder about that. The fact of the loss sucks, and the disruptive timing sucks, too. It's rough losing a beloved pet. And it's a disenfranchised loss - the reaction of too many is that it's 'just' a dog, 'just' a cat, etc. While it's not the same as a parent or a child, it's still a significant loss - *especially* so soon after the fact.

And it's a being, a life you were responsible for, you know? It can be a complicated grief because there's often a guilt which comes with it, rational or not. You don't just bounce back in 2 days. I think that's what she was trying to express by saying the dog was like her child. As a society, we don't tend to give people nearly enough grace for grieving the loss of a pet..

For her wedding, you don't feel like you can fulfill the duties. So don't. But please don't let it be out of spite. I'm so sorry your wedding was affected by the loss of her dog. I wish you'd resisted the impulse to make sure it impacts *her* wedding, too. Now she's grieving all over again, not just the dog, but the damage to your relationship which is so clearly linked to that, when she should be preparing for her own wedding.

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throwAWweddingwoe − Some people are that attached to their animals that it is a genuine trauma when they pass. My husband is not dramatic or emotional and yet I anticipate him being to devastated to get out of bed when his elderly cat eventually passes. He loves her. Real genuine love and he isn't going to be okay when the light she brings into his life is no longer shining.

Don't look at this as a dog passing, that diminishes the emotions involved. A beloved family member died suddenly 2 day before the event, if it was you, and you'd just lost a cherished family member do you think you would be able to drag yourself out of bed and fane happiness during a period of immense grief?

RealTalkFastWalk − NAH. It was very bad timing but no one’s fault. She would have been a terrible MOH while dealing with that initial grief, so it’s probably for the best she wasn’t there sobbing next to you. It sounds like she never acknowledged how much her absence hurt you though. If you can’t be there for her in good conscience then declining is appropriate, however, the bitterness you hold against her won’t be satisfied.

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Neither_Ad_173 − Might be controversial, but I'm going to say NAH. She's allowed to grieve her dog and be emotional. It may have been for the best that she wasn't there. You're allowed to be hurt she wasn't at your wedding. I do think you could be kinder in the way you speak about her, but I can also imagine that comes from a place of frustration.

Even_Enthusiasm7223 − It was horrible that you had to miss your wedding. And you could have just moved one of your bridesmaids up to be your maid of honor. So that was your choice and your feeling that she wasn't there for your biggest day is a true feeling.

Now looking at your sister's point of view you're punishing her for her saddest day. Her lowest day. Did you really want her at your wedding? If all she was going to be thinking about is her dog, and not being there for you anyway. Her being sad, crying, looking horrible for pictures.

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Of course you're being petty. You were hurt that she, in your opinion chose her dog over you. Or a 14-year long companion dies suddenly and she can't grieve because she has to smile for your wedding. Most people aren't built that way. Hers was a really bad coincidence and timing.

That's why she missed your wedding. You're missing! Her wedding is deliberate, spiteful, vengeful and a little messed up. Don't go hurt your sister even more. Because have you asked her how she feels about missing your wedding? I bet you she's upset about that too.

And guess what? Every one of your anniversaries gets to remind her that her dog died. What a wonderful day for her. Don't go if you don't want to, but don't make excuses. You're not going to be her maid of honor simply because she bailed as yours.. Yta

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Monday0987 − NTA. Your relationship with your sister has been damaged.. Some commentators think losing a 14 year old dog is a justifiable reason for bailing on a siblings wedding.

I think that your sibling bailing on your wedding is a justifiable reason for feeling so let down by them it damages your relationship with them.. You don't have to be *anyone's* MOH if you don't want to be.

Constant_Host_3212 − NTA. The Maid or Matron of Honor should be someone who is close to the bride and can support the bride completely on her big day. You no longer feel close to, or supportive of, your sister in the way that a maid or matron of honor should be. It doesn't matter why you no longer feel close and supportive, you no longer feel close and supportive.. So thank your sister sincerely for the honor of asking you, and say 'no'.

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Tell your parents that you wish your sister the best, including the best Maid or Matron of Honor who is close to her and can support her on her big day, but that's not you at this time. When family pressures you to 'be the bigger person', that typically means 'lie down and take whatever the rest of us put out and don't rock the boat'.

FlyingDutchLady − I think a lot of people are ignoring that the situation with OP’s wedding caused a rift and the sisters have been much less close since. No one is obligated to a certain person being in their wedding. NTA

rhos1974 − I’m going with an unpopular opinion but NTA. I say this as a sister and someone who sobbed for days after my dog passed. I still tear up thinking about him and it’s been ten years. But, I’d like to think I could have put on my big girl panties to support my sister at her wedding for a day.

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Perhaps you could have declined in a more gracious manner but I can understand the pain caused that your sister couldn’t prioritize you on your most important day. It sounds like you already have a complicated relationship and your comment that she can be dramatic tells me that there’s a history of her behavior making you feel unimportant.

Some users empathized deeply with the sister’s grief, pointing out how losing a pet can be traumatic enough to throw off your whole world. Others, however, rallied behind OP, arguing that missing a sibling’s wedding—no matter the reason—is bound to leave lasting emotional scars. And a few wise souls simply called for compassion and communication all around. These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

Weddings can bring out the best—and the most vulnerable—sides of us. In this case, love, grief, and hurt clashed in a way that’s tough to untangle. Should OP have accepted the maid of honor request to move forward? Or was she right to protect her feelings and decline? What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes? Is emotional support a two-way street, or are there moments when grief should excuse even the biggest absences? Let us know in the comments.

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