AITA for telling my parents I didn’t have a kid, they did, and they need to take care of her not me?

Amid the strains of a tumultuous home life, a young voice rises in defiance. The story unfolds in a household marred by neglect, where the responsibilities of childhood were harshly shifted onto a teenager. Here, the stark divide between parental expectations and actual care creates a setting rife with unresolved tension and deep-seated resentment. The narrative immediately pulls you into a world where every unmet need and unacknowledged cry for help is laid bare.

In a family where birthdays and milestones were mere afterthoughts, the arrival of a new sibling has only deepened old wounds. The teen, tired of being the forgotten one, draws a clear boundary by refusing to shoulder responsibilities that are not hers. This story invites us to reflect on the delicate balance between duty, love, and the right to be treated with care, and challenges the notion that sacrifice should always be expected.

‘AITA for telling my parents I didn’t have a kid, they did, and they need to take care of her not me?’

My parents had me (15f) when they were 18 and 19. They always made it so obvious they resented being parents so young and added to that they never tried to be good parents. I typically spend most of my time at friends houses. I don't have extended family to rely on, they disowned my parents for having me so young,

so friends houses were a positive in my life that made me feel more comfortable than being at home with my parents. My parents never did the typical parent stuff like helping with homework or showing up to support me at school. I don't think they ever attended a parents conference for me.

They ignored a lot of stuff I needed to get signed and I'd have to get right in their face on the last day to get signatures. My birthday and Christmas have never been a big deal or celebration. They do celebrate their wedding anniversary but that's a them thing.

When they told me two years ago they were expecting a baby it really surprised me but then it hurt because sometimes they said stuff that made me feel like I didn't exist. Like how they were SO excited to have a baby and how they couldn't wait to be parents. A friend of my mom's did remind her of me but then she and dad said I was basically the too early practice run and this was the real deal.

When my sister was born they were so attentive to her that I ceased to exist completely. I got sick and my school was trying to call someone to pick me up early but they ignored the calls and when I got home they had taken the baby out for a family day. When they got home they hadn't even realized the school called because they turned off their phones to

My mom quit her job a month after my sister was born. She wants to be a SAHM and she and dad want at least one more kid. My dad leaves work early on Fridays so he can spend more time with the family (mom and sister). My parents tried to have another kid for over a year and mom isn't pregnant yet so they're jumping to fertility treatments.

They told me I need to watch my sister for a few hours every week while they attend those appointments and they gave me this detailed list of stuff she needs and what I'm going to do with her. I told them I won't and that they had her so they need to take care of her because she's not my kid.

My parents told me it's a few hours a week and not a huge deal. Dad told me I need to look at it as paying back all they did for me. I said no and told them they don't give a crap about me so why would I want to help them.. AITA?

Tensions within dysfunctional families can often lead to dramatic declarations that encapsulate years of pent-up emotions. In this case, the teenager’s refusal to care for her sibling is more than an act of defiance—it is a desperate cry for the acknowledgment of her own unmet needs. Emotional neglect, compounded over years, frequently results in a breakdown of traditional family roles, leaving the affected child to bear responsibilities that are unfairly imposed upon them.

The situation illustrates a broader societal issue where children in neglectful environments learn early on that their needs are secondary. The constant reminder of being treated as a “trial run” rather than a cherished individual can severely impact self-worth. Chronic emotional deprivation affects not only personal development but also shapes one’s approach to responsibilities in later life. The burden of care, when thrust upon a child, disrupts the natural course of personal growth and autonomy.

Recent research has highlighted that the long-term effects of emotional neglect often lead to issues with self-esteem and boundary-setting later in life. A study by the American Psychological Association notes that children who grow up feeling unvalued are at a higher risk for chronic stress and impaired emotional regulation. These findings underscore the importance of nurturing a supportive environment where every child’s emotional needs are met.

According to parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham, “When children are made to feel invisible in their own homes, it not only damages their self-esteem but also distorts their understanding of familial responsibility.” Her insights serve as a crucial reminder that the onus of care should never fall disproportionately on a child. Dr. Markham’s perspective emphasizes that parents must recognize their own shortcomings, and take active steps to correct them rather than shifting responsibility onto their children.

The expert further advises that establishing clear boundaries and open communication in families marked by neglect is vital. Practical steps, such as counseling and family therapy, are recommended to rebuild trust and restructure roles in a healthier way. By reaffirming that parental love must be unconditional and inclusive, families can begin to heal old wounds and build a foundation for more balanced relationships.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Here are some candid, down-to-earth reactions from the Reddit community. The responses range from heartfelt empathy for the neglected child to outright support for her brave stance. As one commenter put it, this is a wake-up call for all parents who fail to step up.

puntacana24 − NTA - Neglecting to pick you up when you are sick and calling your life a “practice run” is such a horrible thing to get from your parents, and I’m sorry they have neglected you.

StAlvis − NTA. My parents told me it's... not a huge deal.. Yeah, well, neither is learning to be satisfied with the children you **already have**.

fiestafan73 − Tell them you’ll do it if they can name your favorite food, favorite color, and best friend. When they can’t, tell them you’ll be giving their baby exactly as much attention as they have given to you over the years. Give them that wake-up call. They clearly need it. NTA.

HandBananasRevenge − NTA.  They clearly just see you as a babysitter and it sounds like they couldn’t even do the bare minimum for you when you were growing up.  

Katja1236 − Tell them you are paying them back, in the same coin. You are ignoring and refusing to parent their child as they ignored and refused to parent you.. Simple as that.

Super_Reading2048 − NTA start planning your escape now. Also tell your teachers or guidance counselor about your home life. Tell your parents flat out you will abandon your younger sibling and then call the police if they try to force you to babysit.

Kid they are already neglecting you and making your life a living hell, what motivation could you possibly have to watch their child? Instead focus on getting certified in a trade or getting into college and getting out of there when you turn 18.

Mbt_Omega − NTA, and if they leave, call the cops on them for abandonment.

appleblossom1962 − NTA. You didn’t ask to be born. They could have given you up for adoption as it seems your grandparents didn’t care. You owe them NOTHING except respect, as in behave yourself. You are not your sisters keeper, let mom and dad deal with it. I wish that there was someone you could turn to and get out. Study hard. Get a good job, go to trade school, college or the military when you are old enough. I wish you the best of luck

Revolutionary_Bag518 − NTA

GloomyComfort − Dad told me I need to look at it as paying back all they did for me.. They did the bare minimum to keep you alive. That's not magnanimous. You don't owe them anything. NTA.

In conclusion, this story isn’t just about a teenager’s firm refusal to take on unwanted duties—it’s a powerful statement on parental neglect and the critical need for self-respect in the face of familial dysfunction. It forces us to question where the line is drawn between sacrifice and self-care. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and join the conversation.

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