AITA for telling my mother that having younger siblings is the best form of birth control?

Imagine a teenage girl rushing home from school, not to hang out with friends, but to cradle a crying infant while her mother clocks into a late shift. The weight of diapers, bottles, and a toddler’s tantrums became her world, long before she could vote. Now 25, this woman faces her mother’s hopeful nudge for grandchildren, only to quip that raising her younger sister was the ultimate baby repellent. The jest lands like a brick, leaving her mother stung and silent.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy ripple effects of parentification, where a child becomes a caregiver too soon. It’s a story of unspoken burdens and clashing expectations, pulling readers into a tug-of-war between a daughter’s truth and a mother’s hurt. Can a lighthearted jab reveal deeper wounds without breaking family ties?

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‘AITA for telling my mother that having younger siblings is the best form of birth control?’

My sister is 12 years younger than me and from the moment she was like one month old I became her part-time babysitter. Her father, my 'step father', was s**tty, abusive excuse of a man, who would let the little baby lay and cry in her cot for several hours when left to take care of her.

And my mother had to return to work as soon as possible, because he refused to support her financially. So as soon as I would get back from school, she would go to work and the burden of looking after my sister was on me. It worked that way until my sister was 3 and went to kindergarten.

From when I was 16 my mother have started traveling to work abroad for summer, leaving me and my sis alone for almost two months. I obviously wasn't happy about it, but saying no because I wanted to have other plans was not an option.

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I'm 25 now and the other day she asked me a dreaded question, whether am I going to give her a grandchild. The answer is a hard no, not only I'm a lesbian (closeted from her unfortunately), but also feel mentally unfit to be a parent.

I half-jokingly said that having a younger sister is a best birth protection for me and she got really upset over it. She got offended that I dare to blame her of me not wanting kids, which is partially true because I shouldn't have been made to be a caregive to my sister, while still being a child myself. Now she doesn't want to speak to me at all, because I hurt her feelings saying that. Am I the a**hole?

This woman’s quip wasn’t just a joke—it was a window into the scars of parentification. Forced to raise her sister as a teen, she carried a burden no child should, especially under an abusive stepfather’s shadow. Psychology Today notes that parentification can lead to emotional exhaustion, often deterring future parenting desires.

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Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, states, “Children raised as caregivers often lose their childhood, impacting their adult choices.” The mother’s hurt reflects denial of her role in this dynamic, but her daughter’s stance is a valid boundary, not blame. A 2021 American Psychological Association study shows parentified children face higher risks of anxiety, reinforcing her choice to opt out of motherhood.

She could gently explain her feelings, emphasizing her mental health needs, perhaps with therapy to navigate their rift. The mother must acknowledge past choices without defensiveness. Honest dialogue, not silence, can heal this wound, letting both move forward with mutual respect.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit posse swung in like a protective squad, tossing shade and solidarity in equal measure. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got an opinion and no filter. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd:

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Sandlicker − NTA She's not upset because of what you said, she's upset because she's externalizing guilt.

peppermintvalet − NTA. “I already raised a kid, why would I want to raise another one?'

Hitzsheila − NTA. Typical parent, abuses you for years and refuses to take responsibility for the repercussions.

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FloppyEaredDog − Parentification is a form of abuse and exploitation. End of story, NTA.

Odd-Astronaut-92 − NTA. My half siblings and the parentification I experienced after they were born are the number one major reason I'm not having kids. I feel your pain, OP.

Left-Summer9620 − NTA - I've used this line countless times because it's true. The only difference for me is I have much older brothers (10 to 16 years older) and they started having babies when I was very young. I'm now on nibbling #18. I love them all and am very much aware how much work children are. Having kids around me constantly really put me off from having kids of my own for a long time.

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gracenweaver − NTA. And don't worry about her feelings. She forced you to be a parent when you were a child. She got plenty out of you.

kevwelch − NTA. It’s 100% true. You found out exactly what it’s like to care for and raise a child. And it IS your mothers fault for putting you in that situation. And being in that situation made it very clear to you that children are not what you want.

Maybe the next sibling will grow up and want kids, and your mother can put her hopes there. But she made it impossible for you to be a child, to have your own bit of time to be free. She needs to accept that there are no kids coming from you and she needs to grow up and not make her feelings about that be your problem.

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The_Shadow_Watches − NTA.. Children should not be raising children.

DerbyDogMom − NTA you told her the truth. I told my mom that I changed 5 kids worth of diapers before I was 16 since she decided to go full Catholic on her family planning so I already did my part. She nagged me for grandkids until I got my tubes out at 35.

Redditors rallied behind her, calling out parentification as abuse and cheering her no-kids stance. Some saw the mother’s guilt fueling her reaction, while others urged her to own her truth. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or just stoke the fire?

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This tale lays bare the lasting toll of parentification, where a child’s duty shapes an adult’s choices. Her sharp joke wasn’t just humor—it was a cry for her lost youth, met with her mother’s wounded silence. It’s a story that begs empathy for both, asking how we heal when truth stings. Have you faced family expectations that clashed with your reality? Share your story below—let’s unpack this together!

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