AITA for telling my mom to stop trying to make me like her?

Jonathan Hours
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On a suburban sidewalk, a 15-year-old girl walks beside her mom, tension simmering. Her mother, proud of being “one of the guys,” pushes her to be a loner, dismissing “girly” traits. But this teen, vibrant in her floral dress, loves her female friends and sparkly makeup, feeling trapped by her mom’s outdated views.

Her struggle to be herself is relatable, tugging at readers’ hearts. Will she break free from her mom’s mold? This story of identity and courage sets the stage for a clash that’s both personal and universal.

‘AITA for telling my mom to stop trying to make me like her?’

Obligatory 'sorry I'm on mobile so sorry for formatting' So my (15f) mom and I are pretty close, and we talk quite often. She likes to tell me stories from when she was a child and things that she did growing up in her country. When she was growing up, she claims she was a lonely girl because everyone thought she was weird.

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However, my mom is 100% a 'I'm not like other girls' type of person. She prides herself in being 'one of the guys', that 'girls are too catty and gossip too much', and that she doesn't do traditionally feminine things because they're 'too girly'.

Not to invalidate what may or may not have happened to her, but I believe that she pushed people away because she believes in the 'I'm not like other girls' dynamic so strongly. Obviously I never let her know what I think, because that would definitely be an AH move.

From a young age, she began trying to manifest this personality into me, constantly pushing me to be friends with the guys and other things like this. She also says phrases to me such as, 'I bet you're lonely too', 'you're a loner like me', 'we are the same', etc. to try and get me to admit to being like her.

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For a while, I actually believed her. This inhibited me from making friends with girls when I was younger because I believed I was too good for them because 'I wasn't like other girls'. Here's the thing though; after re evaluating myself I discovered that I'm not like her at all, and that I was only like that because she made me think that.

I love supporting other girls, I'm very social and friendly, and while I do have guy friends and like participating in traditionally masculine activities, I also love makeup and dresses. Personally, I think that the 'I'm not like other girls' mind set is toxic, holier-than-thou, and entitled. I don't think my mom is toxic nor entitled, but the mentality definately is.

She tried pushing the statements into me again on a walk to the store, saying that she is convinced I'm exactly like her as a child, that I act like a boy, and that I am a loner like her. I finally said, 'would you please stop suggesting that I am a loner and don't like to be friends with girls?

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I am not, and I can assure you I have plenty of both male and female friends. I like being feminine and I like being like other girls.' While it didn't have an attitude, I was definately firm about my statement. She was quiet for the rest of that night and didn't speak with me until a day after, but hasn't acknowledged what I said. AITA?

This teen’s tale of rejecting her mom’s “not like other girls” mantra is a classic case of a parent projecting their insecurities onto their child. The mother’s insistence on labeling her daughter a loner reveals more about her own past struggles than her daughter’s reality. It’s a dynamic that Dr. Lisa Damour, a renowned psychologist, addresses in her work on adolescent development. She notes, “Parents sometimes see their children as extensions of themselves, which can stifle a teen’s individuality” (Psychology Today).

The mother’s mindset stems from internalized misogyny, a societal issue where women are pitted against each other, often devaluing femininity. This teen’s rejection of that narrative shows remarkable self-awareness. Data from the American Psychological Association suggests that 60% of women experience pressure to conform to gendered stereotypes, which can manifest as dismissing “girly” traits (APA). Her mom’s behavior likely reflects this broader cultural tension.

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Dr. Damour’s insight applies directly: the teen’s firm boundary-setting is a healthy step toward autonomy. By embracing both her feminine and masculine sides, she’s modeling a balanced identity. For the mom, this could be a wake-up call to confront her insecurities.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this mother-daughter showdown, served with a side of humor and heart. Here are the top comments:

swingmadacrossthesun − NTA. Good for you for ending the cycle of internalized misogyny in your family. It’s very mature of you to have gone through that process of self reflection, and it’s unfortunate that your mother hasn’t done the same.

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SomeoneWhoLikesBirds − NTA. It needed to be said. Clearly shes projecting on you way too hard and she needs to learn that's not really healthy.

[Reddit User] − punch fade psychotic fearless fear station coherent grandfather offend elastic. *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

mychickenmyrules543 − NTA for your response. I do think you should ask your mom why she feels this way, though, because women who act like this tend to come from very sexist households where anything feminine is automatically associated with weakness and fragility, and it's really sad.

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Let your mom know that you want to be strong and embrace your feminity at the same time, and she can do that, too. My boxing gloves are pink for this reason lol. It sounds like she's really insecure. She might even let you give her a makeover if you ask.

petta_reddast − NTA. My mother struggled with internalised misogyny as well, and she pushed that mindset onto me. She didn’t just dislike feminity, she straight out mocked it. She showed h**red towards slim, beautiful women, and especially blondes. She would also complain about women being catty and bitchy, and never do anything other than gossip.

I used to believe everything she said, but I also loved pretty dresses. And I loved feeling beautiful. But most of all, I loved my female friends. Everything my mother had been saying my entire life had made me very insecure about my femininity, and made me feel like I couldn’t express it as I would be lesser and my mother would mock me too.

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But like I said, I love my female friends, I am very lucky as they are great, and as I saw that them being feminine and confident didn’t make me think lesser of them, I started to wear more dresses and being more feminin. My mother saw me being more confident and happier, and I also started to call her out on her hateful behaviour.

She started to change, and I learned that she didn’t actually hate other women, she hated herself and projected that h**red on other women so she wouldn’t have to be o**rwhelmed with selfhatred constantly. I started encouraging her to be more confident, and to stop wearing only dark, baggy clothes she could hide in.

It has been some years with struggles and beating a life time of insecurities, but it was worth it. Today I own and thrive in my femininity, and my mother does too. My mother has more dresses and skirts than I do, and I am happy to say her clothes are very colourful. She compliments other women, and is a lot happier.

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I think your mother struggles with insecurities as well, and she is looking for an ally in you. This is not fair to you, and you need to let her know that you are your own person with your own interests. But instead of distansing yourself from her, take her with you into your world where confidence is real and femininity is not a bad thing.

She doesn’t have to become feminine or anything, just accept that no, being «not like other girls» is not a real thing, and having female friends to support you and back you up is great. And if being feminine is what she truly wants deep inside but is too insecure to be, then help her realise that being feminine is not bad or lesser. It can be incredibly empowering.. Good luck to both you and your mother!

lck12 − NTA. She’s clearly lonely and wants you to be like her so you can bond but you’re just not like that and you’re allowed to express it

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pilidod8834 − NTA. Parents can project onto their children alot. This can take form in attempting to make their child more like how they were. This can be harmful to the child's social life. It's important to be firm with things like this.

She may not have acknowledged it directly, but it probably hit her hard, and that's a good thing. It's not a parent's job to make a kid be like you, you're meant to support them and love them no matter what. The only exceptions to this should be in the case of getting into something genuinely dangerous.

quixoticidea − NTA. Good on you for expressing yourself the way you did. I agree with your analysis and approach.

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thecatalyst08 − NTA in the slightest! You can be who you want, and befriend who you want. Some parents do tend to push their personalities onto their kids, which is wrong. You are your own person, separate from your mother, and she needs to realize this. I hope you can find peace, both with yourself and your mother

miladyelle − NTA—ever heard the expression “out of the mouths of babes”? Your mom is shook because you just taught her something and the teaching is generally supposed to come from her, to you. I’m proud of you for that.

These opinions light up the thread, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the real question is whether mom will ever see her daughter’s sparkly, social side.

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This teen’s courage to stand up for her identity is a reminder that growing up means defining yourself, even when it ruffles feathers. Her story leaves us cheering for her confidence and hoping her mom catches up. Have you ever had to push back against someone trying to shape who you are? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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