AITA for telling my many half siblings that I am not signing up to be responsible for everyone?

A 25-year-old man recently faced a complicated confrontation with a group of people he technically shares a father with. Over the years, his biological father has had numerous children with different partners, leaving behind a sprawling network of half-siblings scattered across many households. As the oldest among them, he suddenly found himself expected to play a major role in holding that group together.

The tension reached a breaking point when several of those siblings discovered he was planning a wedding without inviting them. What began as questions quickly turned into accusations, with some insisting that the oldest child should step up as a guiding figure for the entire family. Faced with pressure he never agreed to, he responded bluntly that he would not take responsibility for people he barely knows.

‘AITA for telling my many half siblings that I am not signing up to be responsible for everyone?’

The poster explains how his complicated family history began long before he had any say.

I (25M) am the oldest of my "dad" aka sperm donor's many, many children that he's had throughout the last 25 years.

As of right now I am the oldest and have been known as the oldest for the last 25 years. My mom was married to him when she found out...

She kicked him to the curb during her pregnancy with me and right after I was born it was announced he was expecting baby number two with his affair partner...

I did not grow up having a relationship with any of these children because my mom expected more than photo ops from my "dad". She expected him to be a...

None of the other mothers of his kids chased him so I was cut off by him and he floated around never really working and being in and out of...

As he got older, several half siblings began reaching out and expecting a deeper connection.

I did meet some of my halfs when I was a teenager and I wasn't really interested in forming a relationship like they were. It was weird because the ones...

but expected me to take over as sort of the head of the family and the male role model. When I turned 20 a bunch more of them became known...

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A lot of them were kids so I didn't want to be a jerk and reject them harshly so I spoke to their mothers and told them I was not...

A couple of years ago I was like you know what, fine, and I joined a group chat with the siblings over the age of 13. I'm not very active...

It was that worrying for me that when I met my fiancée we actually did talk to her parents and get a DNA test done because I have so many...

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The situation recently exploded when the siblings demanded a stronger family role from him.

Last week there was a situation with my halfs that became a little explosive. They were asking why I hadn't talked about my wedding with them (the half closest in...

and it became a big deal that they were not going to be invited and then it turned into "you're the oldest, you should be stepping up and acting as...

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I told them that was not happening and I'm not signing up to be responsible for everyone. They said I act like us having each other isn't a good thing.

I told them I would never have chosen this, to have halfs coming up that'll be over 20 years younger than me, halfs maybe even older than me for all...

I told them I am not our sperm donor and I will not take responsibility for this. They called me an ass and said I should embrace this huge family....

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Family dynamics like this often emerge when a parent fails to take responsibility for their children. When multiple siblings grow up with little or no involvement from the same parent, they sometimes search for stability elsewhere within the family structure. In many cases, the oldest sibling becomes an unintended focal point, even when that person never agreed to take on such a role.

From the siblings’ perspective, their desire for connection is understandable. Growing up without a reliable father figure can create a strong emotional pull toward anyone who shares that connection. The oldest sibling may seem like the closest available replacement for guidance, leadership, or simply a sense of belonging. However, this expectation can place enormous pressure on someone who is simply trying to live their own life.

At the same time, the poster’s stance reflects a boundary many adults set when dealing with family situations they did not create. Being biologically related does not automatically mean someone must assume responsibility for a large group of relatives they barely know. The broader social issue here revolves around accountability: the person who created the situation is absent, while others are left navigating the emotional aftermath.

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Check out how the community responded:

Many users strongly supported the poster, arguing he should not carry his father’s responsibilities.

Amazing-Wave4704 − Omigod NTA what a shitshow. I would be clear with them. YOU ARE NOT THEIR FATHER. It is NOT your responsibility to be the leader of dads band...

If they could only have accepted you as a friend, maybe there would have been room to grow some kind of relationship.

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They had no genetic right from you to attend your wedding (which surely would have turned into a sibling reunion upstaging your nuptials not to mention the huge cost of...

You tried to connect with them which was very generous of you. Now its time to block them. They want a dad, need a psychiatrist, and you are neither. NTA.

kipkapow − NTA. You can’t replace your deadbeat father’s responsibility. They all have mother’s they can look up to. Go live your life and be as involved or as little...

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Competitive-Sell6595 − NTA I'd do the same in your shoes. Your sperm donor is a real piece of work.

diminishingpatience − NTA. It's idiotic to think that you should have some kind of responsibility for all of these strangers yet their father isn't expected to have any.

cassowary32 − NTA. How many mothers are involved in this fiasco? ? Where do you live? I don't understand how the prospect of single motherhood with a philandering absent parent...

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Some commenters offered more balanced takes, acknowledging both sides of the situation.

cinekat − NTA. Do they think the fact that your bio-dad cheated on your mom while pregnant - which no doubt caused pain to you both throughout your lives,

somehow transfers onto your shoulder some half-baked role of village elder or tribe leader? Where on earth does this idea come from?

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jennibelle1 − NTA. You were a bit brusque in your delivery, but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

They're transferring their fantasy mental picture of an idealised parental figure onto you given their father is clearly never going to step up. That's not fair to you. You're not...

Continue to set clear boundaries, though for the sake of avoiding future regret (and just to be a good human) I suggest doing so politely but firmly.

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Careless-Ability-748 − Nta that sounds like a huge cluster bomb. And not even remotely your responsibility. Your dad is a piece of work.

A few users reacted with humor, sharing blunt or memorable remarks about sibling dynamics.

ZookeepergameWise774 − When we were in our stroppy teens, my (half)sister used to say “ Just because my Dad had s__ with your Mum, doesn’t mean I have to like...

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Lilly1120 − NTA. Your father abandoned you it’s not up to you to raise kids of a man you didn’t grow up with. Why would you want to have him...

This story highlights the complicated reality of large, fragmented families created by one absent parent. While the siblings appear to be searching for connection and support, the oldest brother feels overwhelmed by expectations he never agreed to carry. His response reflects a clear boundary between shared biology and personal responsibility.

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At the same time, the situation raises broader questions about family obligations and emotional expectations. Should the oldest sibling feel any responsibility toward younger half siblings who share the same parent? Or is it reasonable for someone to step away from a role they never chose? What would you do in a situation like this?

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