AITA for telling my husband we will not be hosting for Mother’s Day because of his mom?

Jonathan Hours
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Hosting family gatherings was once a joy for a 27-year-old woman, married to her 28-year-old husband for eight years. But her relationship with her mother-in-law (MIL) has always been strained, and a recent birthday party for her MIL turned frustration into a firm boundary. After pouring hours into planning and hosting, only for her MIL to skip the event over a misunderstanding with her sister-in-law (SIL), the woman felt unappreciated and heartbroken.

The sting of that snub lingered when her husband suggested hosting a Mother’s Day celebration. Reminding him of her decision to stop hosting for his MIL, she faced accusations of pettiness, sparking tension. This Reddit story dives into family drama, emotional labor, and the challenge of setting boundaries. Is she wrong for standing her ground, or is her boundary a fair response? Readers are left to decide.

‘AITA for telling my husband we will not be hosting for Mother’s Day because of his mom?’

My husband (28m) and I (27f) have been together for about 8 years and since the beginning my and MILs relationship has been rocky. That being said, I get along with his family very well and share my husband’s love of hosting parties and gatherings. Recently there’s been a bit of drama in the family due to one of his sisters isolating herself and playing victim stating no one makes an effort to reach out to her.

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A couple months ago for MILs birthday, my husband had sent out a text to the family chat to invite everyone over. All celebrations and holidays are a potluck in one of the 5 sibling houses with the host family doing majority of the work. despite SIL being in the chat, she complained to MIL that my husband didn’t have the decency to invite her.

She said she would feel “like an intruder” if she showed up. MIL called my husband to say he should call his sister to apologize for excluding her and invite her formally. my husband simply said she’s in the chat and no one else received anything “formal” and she was welcome like everyone else. The day came and I of course did the bulk of the work. Well, MIL never showed up.

She told another SIL she would not be sharing a meal with someone who blatantly excluded one of her children. we all chose to have a great time and cut her cake ourselves, and treated it like a family gathering instead of a birthday celebration. When everyone left, my husband apologized for MILs absence and thanked me for everything I did.

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I honestly felt so heartbroken, because why would MIL not think about the effort that was made? I calmly told my husband we would no longer be celebrating his mom at our house. He said he understood. Today, he asked if we should invite everyone over for Mother’s Day. I immediately said no.

SIL is still behaving the same, MIL never apologized for what she did, and I refuse to have a redo. It was a few months ago, but the way he asked so nonchalantly triggered something in me. I reminded him we would no longer celebrate his mom in our house. He said this wasn’t his mom’s birthday. I clarified that anything to do with celebrating his mom is now off the table.

Going out to dinner, or taking something store bought to one of his sister’s houses for a future birthday of hers is fine, but I will no longer spend hours of my day for her. He asked me for how long and I said it would be a permanent thing. He asked if I had forgiven her and I said yes, but those were my new boundaries.

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He said that’s not how it works and accused me of harboring resentment from years ago to make this a bigger problem. We ended the conversation with him agreeing we would not be hosting for Mother’s Day, but he said he felt I was being petty. I might be, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m not wrong for this boundary. So, AITA?

Family gatherings can be a recipe for joy or a pressure cooker for drama. For this Redditor, her MIL’s no-show at a meticulously planned birthday party—coupled with SIL’s victim-playing antics—pushed her to draw a hard line. The conflict highlights a common issue: the unequal burden of emotional and domestic labor, often shouldered by women. Let’s unpack this with a dash of wit and wisdom.

The OP’s frustration stems from her MIL’s lack of appreciation and her husband’s apparent dismissal of her efforts. According to a 2019 study by the Pew Research Center, women still handle the lion’s share of household tasks in most families (source). This dynamic is clear here, where the OP did “the bulk of the work” for the party, only to feel invisible.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Resentment builds when one partner feels their contributions are unacknowledged” (source). In this case, the OP’s boundary is a shield against further resentment, signaling she values her time and emotional energy. Her husband’s accusation of pettiness, however, suggests a disconnect in understanding her labor’s weight.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating in-law relationships while maintaining personal boundaries. The OP’s choice to forgive but limit her efforts is a healthy step, though her husband’s pushback complicates things. Experts suggest open communication and shared responsibilities as solutions. Could the husband host if he feels strongly about it? This compromise could ease tensions while respecting her stance.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a buffet of hot takes with a side of humor. From calling out the MIL’s rudeness to questioning the husband’s audacity, the community had plenty to say. Here are some standout comments:

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Pure-Philosopher-175 − NTA. Both MIL and SIL sound rude and childish - the apple didn’t fall far from the tree there. You made it clear to your husband about your boundary for your hosting future events for MIL and he is now back-pedalling. If he wants to host, he can do it elsewhere or one of the other 4 siblings can step up. If SIL wants to be included, why can’t she host? The whole family just sounds exhausting.

Equivalent_Reason894 − Tell him if your MIL is coming over, he can do all the cleaning, shopping, and food prep for the occasion, but you won’t be putting in that effort for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. My guess is he’ll nope right out of that idea.

Disastrous_Photo_388 − Regardless of all the family drama…WTF would your husband expect you to do the work of hosting Mother’s Day for HIS mother? If you’re also a mother, shouldn’t he be prioritizing his efforts to ensure YOU have a nice day? NTA but your husband might be, and your MIL/ SIL certainly are.

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Jelcei − NTA, why are his feelings more valid than yours? Although you may be better off with a boundary that only affects your efforts. If your husband wants to host his family and his mother for Mother's day, I would let him. The catch is that you aren't helping host it. No cooking, no cleaning before or after. It is on him to carry the burden of hosting the family. I'd also set an expectation of how quickly you expect the after cleaning to be done (ie same day, etc)

I am betting that if he has to do all the work, he won't be so quick to offer to host. He doesn't realize how much time and effort you put into her birthday because he didn't host the day. He basked in the finished product and has quickly forgotten how you felt because he wasn't really impacted by it when his mom threw the day out the window.. It is a lot easier to volunteer someone else's time and effort than to do it yourself.

slendermanismydad − He can make effort for her. It's his mother. If he wants to host her, he can do all the work. . but I will no longer spend hours of my day for her.. Fair.. He said that’s not how it works. How what works? You don't owe him time for his mother. . he said he felt I was being petty.. Again, he can plan and host things for his mom. NTA. 

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Anxious_Reporter_601 − Omg NTA. How is your husband not getting this??

Otherwise-Topic-1791 − NTA. 'Forgive and forget', and 'turn the other cheek' doesn't mean you have to let them hit you again.

ButterscotchFit8175 − NTA. MIL made it clear she has no respect for the time, effort, money OP put into the birthday gathering she noped out on bc one of her kids is being a petulant brat. 

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Salt-Adhesiveness694 − NTA. However I think it is a good idea to see boundaries as 'for the foreseeable' rather than 'permanent' because there may be a future time when things are different. You don't need to communicate this to your husband if it would wind up with him asking if the boundary still exists twice a year at her birthday and mother's day.

However, if you love hosting, and your relationship with MIL ever softens, you may change your own mind and want to host a celebration for her once again one day.

soph_lurk_2018 − NTA your husband is part of the problem here. Why are you doing the majority of the work to host his family? Where is the part where he held his mother accountable for no showing her party? He has alot of audacity to ask you to host again.

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These Reddit gems spark a question: do they nail the issue, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s clear—this family’s drama has everyone talking.

This tale of party plans gone awry and boundaries drawn in the sand is a reminder that family dynamics are rarely simple. The OP’s stand against hosting her MIL’s celebrations speaks to the power of saying “no” when your efforts go unappreciated. But with her husband crying “petty,” the path forward requires honest talks and mutual respect. What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts—have you ever set a boundary that stirred family drama?

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