AITA For telling my husband that I’ll never invite his family again after he said I embarrassed him with my cooking?

Picture a cozy dining room, warm with the glow of effort and hope, where a woman sets a table brimming with homemade dishes, only to have her heart sink under a barrage of nitpicks. For one Redditor, a family dinner turned into a battlefield when her in-laws tore apart her cooking, and her husband, instead of shielding her, joined the fray. It’s a tale that feels like a punch to the gut, where good intentions meet cold criticism, leaving a lingering sting of betrayal.

This story, shared on Reddit, captures the raw frustration of trying to please a family that won’t budge and a spouse who picks the wrong side. With plates cleared but feelings bruised, the OP’s bold stand to ban future dinners has readers buzzing. It’s not just about a meal—it’s about respect, boundaries, and the courage to say, “Enough is enough.” Lean in as we unpack this spicy family drama.

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‘AITA For telling my husband that I’ll never invite his family again after he said I embarrassed him with my cooking?’

Title sounds horrible but hear me out please. So, my 35F husband's 37M family recently moved to our town to live close to us and my brother in law who got married a few months ago. My inlaws like to gather twice a month for dinner and they'd have me and my husband visit (3h drive) once a month.

Title sounds horrible but hear me out please. So, my 35F husband's 37M family recently moved to our town to live close to us and my brother in law who got married a few months ago. My inlaws like to gather twice a month for dinner and they'd have me and my husband visit (3h drive) once a month.

My mother in law wouldn't accept any excuses that I work and have kids to take care of. She always wants the family gathered at her house. Last week. While we were visiting their new house. My husband made me spend x money for a gift that he didn't help with.

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My mother in law wouldn't accept any excuses that I work and have kids to take care of. She always wants the family gathered at her house. Last week. While we were visiting their new house. My husband made me spend x money for a gift that he didn't help with.

Also had me carry boxes to help them move stuff into their house while my brother in law's new wife sat on the couch and was served with coffee and sweets. He told them that he wanted to invite them over for dinner the next day and he didn't even consult with me first so I had to take the day off so I could prepare meals.

Also had me carry boxes to help them move stuff into their house while my brother in law's new wife sat on the couch and was served with coffee and sweets. He told them that he wanted to invite them over for dinner the next day and he didn't even consult with me first so I had to take the day off so I could prepare meals.

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I made the main dishes, appetizers, salad and pound cake. They arrived at 7pm. Mother in law, brother in law's wife didn't move a finger, they were busy criticizing my table setting and giving “advice”. I put dinner on the table and my mother in law started asking why I used x ingredient instead of x ingredient.

I made the main dishes, appetizers, salad and pound cake. They arrived at 7pm. Mother in law, brother in law's wife didn't move a finger, they were busy criticizing my table setting and giving “advice”. I put dinner on the table and my mother in law started asking why I used x ingredient instead of x ingredient.

Saying that she would've liked it. Then said that the salad was not necessary because no one liked this type of salad. My husband just agreed with her telling me why i didn't do it this way or that way. I was getting mad and lost my appetite. Mother in law said the pound cake was not complete and didn't look delicious.

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Saying that she would've liked it. Then said that the salad was not necessary because no one liked this type of salad. My husband just agreed with her telling me why i didn't do it this way or that way. I was getting mad and lost my appetite. Mother in law said the pound cake was not complete and didn't look delicious.

My husband told her that he wanted to get one from the bakery but I didn't allow him. The cake stayed the same while they ate what brother in law's wife brought and flattered her. After they left. I told my husband that his mom was being rude and mean to me the whole time.

My husband told her that he wanted to get one from the bakery but I didn't allow him. The cake stayed the same while they ate what brother in law's wife brought and flattered her. After they left. I told my husband that his mom was being rude and mean to me the whole time.

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That he should've stopped her instead of agreeing with her. He said that he didn't defend me because I was in the wrong and what I cooked was not so great and that I embarrassed him infront of his family after having them try my cooking for the first time..

That he should've stopped her instead of agreeing with her. He said that he didn't defend me because I was in the wrong and what I cooked was not so great and that I embarrassed him infront of his family after having them try my cooking for the first time..

I got mad at him and told him I will no longer invite his family for dinners and he didn't like that since he told his mom that we will regularly invite them for dinner. He called me too sensitive and that I should just focus on cooking what they like instead. He thinks I'm overreacting but I'm so angry and feel like I been insulted and disrespected in my own house.

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I got mad at him and told him I will no longer invite his family for dinners and he didn't like that since he told his mom that we will regularly invite them for dinner. He called me too sensitive and that I should just focus on cooking what they like instead. He thinks I'm overreacting but I'm so angry and feel like I been insulted and disrespected in my own house.

Family dinners are supposed to bring warmth, not warfare, but this story shows how quickly they can spiral. The OP faced a perfect storm: a critical mother-in-law, an unsupportive husband, and a dinner table turned critique session. Her decision to ban future gatherings reflects a deeper issue—feeling unseen in her own home. According to Family Psychology, family dynamics often hinge on mutual respect, yet here, the OP’s efforts were met with dismissal. Her husband’s alignment with his mother over her signals a loyalty divide, a common strain in blended families.

The mother-in-law’s nitpicking, from salad ingredients to cake presentation, wasn’t just about food—it was a power play. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “When criticism becomes pervasive, it erodes trust and connection” (Gottman Institute). Here, the OP’s cooking became a scapegoat for deeper family tensions, with her husband’s silence amplifying the hurt. His expectation that she conform to his family’s tastes dismisses her autonomy, a red flag in partnership dynamics.

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This situation mirrors broader issues of gendered expectations in family roles. A 2021 study from the American Sociological Association found that women often bear the brunt of emotional and domestic labor in family settings, even when working full-time. The OP’s unpaid labor—cooking, hosting, and even moving boxes—went unacknowledged, fueling her frustration. Her husband’s failure to intervene suggests a need for clearer boundaries, both with his family and within their marriage.

For the OP, setting boundaries is key. She might consider a candid talk with her husband, emphasizing how his inaction made her feel. Couples therapy, as Gottman suggests, can help realign priorities. For now, her ban on dinners is a valid stand to reclaim her space.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit squad showed up with pitchforks and pom-poms, dishing out support and shade like it’s a family reunion gone wild. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, packed with wit and wisdom:

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DogsandCatsWorld1000 − NTA What good qualities does your husband have to balance out how terribly he treats you in relation to his family?

GrymDraig − NTA. Your husband and his family are way out of line. The fact that your husband just orders you around and expects you to comply several times in this story is especially worrying.

throwawaywitchypoo − I had to take the day off so I could prepare meals. Why did you do this? He disrespected you. Let him flounder. In fact, stop cooking for him and his family entirely. They don't deserve you. Cook food you like and ignore them.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, but it sounds like your husband does not have your back *at all* if he's fine with his family treating you like that. Even if the food was horrible, there's no justifiable reason for them to be rude and for him to not stand up for you.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He if he feels like he can unilaterally decide that his family is coming over for dinner without even talking to you about it before hand then you have every right to say that you don’t want them over again. Considering how they all treated you if for some reason they still came over I would not cook for any of them ever.

They are going to complain regardless if you cook or not so why bother killing yourself over it. And your husband is an AH for not standing up for you and basically throwing you under the bus while enabling their behavior. I would seriously reconsider if you want to be related to these people much longer because I can guarantee that this will not end with dinner and will pop up on your child caring abilities too.

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exfamilia − When my second baby was born, my husband went straight back to work. Literally the day we came home from hospital. He hadn't told me he'd traded in his paternity leave for something else, so I very much wasn't expecting it.. My older child was 20 months old, hitting the Terrible Twos.

So the first week was... well, you know what it was if you've been through it and if you haven't it's nearly impossible to understand. On your own all day, with 2 babies that age, everything is a juggling act. You've got 100 plates in the air at any given moment and you can't take your eye off any of them or the whole edifice will collapse.

Getting to the toilet is incredibly hard, you'd be lucky if you get a shower a week, forget about washing your hair.. Also, remember, you're getting no sleep, and you're breastfeeding, so mentally, you are completely on autopilot.. But you gotta keep those plates in the air.

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Well. So. There we were, and I was managing... I'm not saying I was managing well, but the babies were alive, and thriving, and pretty much everything is in service to that, so the autopilot chaos plate-juggling was working, in its fashion.

A week in, the doorbell rang. A baby on the hip, another in my arms, in the dressing gown I lived, workd and slept in, hair a rats nest and banana smeared all over my face... I open the door to find..... My mother-in-law and father-in-law. On the doorstep. With.... wait for it.... a suitcase.

They'd asked my husband if they could stay for a week, not to help out, but because they had things to do in the city. And he had said yes, sure, fine, and HE HADN'T TOLD ME. I mean, we didn't even have a spare room now with 2 kids, the in-laws slept on the pull-out couch in the middle of the lounge room.

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My MIL loved it. She was a very judgmental, nosy woman who'd been the perfect stay-at-home wife and mother and had secretly hated me from the get-go. She'd sit there, with her aging, ailing husband, at 7pm every night at the dining room table and say:

'Don't worry about us, we'll just eat what you're eating, don't worry about the time, we can wait,' while her beady little eyes were taking in everything, from the unwashed dishes to the dust under the sofa to the medications in my private bag, measuring and counting every transgression to share with her coven when she got back.. I was thinking about this time when I read your post OP and wondering how I survived it..

And then I remembered. It turned out to be good for me, because that's when I learnt to stop caring about the in-laws' opinions or their b**lshit. I remember thinking 'I can't, I just can't. I can't put on a good show, I can't try to hide the worst, the only thing I can do is nurture my babies and not give a f**k what that silly old b**ch and her coven of daughters and daughters-in-law etc think or say.'.

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I suddenly saw, that was one plate I COULD drop. It was such a relief to realise that it made no difference what they thought or said, it didn't affect my babies, and anyway they were looking only for bad s**t, they'd make it up if they couldn't find it.. And that's what I advise you to do.

These people are never going to be respectful of you. They're looking for troubles to gossip about and tut-tut over to fill up their boring, stupid lives, and give them a chance to feel superior.. They're going to find fault whatever you do.

That horrid little performance of criticising your generous dinner was almost certainly designed to hit you hard so you'd crack and under pressure say (or shout) something they'd all smugly agree was unforgiveable. She wants that reaction. It would make her look noble and long-suffering and everyone would have to agree with her that your behaviour is beyond the pale,

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and she is justified in being so critical of you. Some people are just assholes OP. You can't fix it. And if they're secretive about it, you can't get others (e.g. your husband) to see what they're really doing. But you do have one really great weapon in this, a superpower, and that is... genuinely not giving a f**k.

She's a cow, why care about what she thinks? You don't need the approval of idiots. You've got a life. Once you stop caring, it doesn't matter what she does or how much she needles you, she can't hurt you, because you don't care.

That's a place well-worth striving for. Practice saying to yourself, 'she's an a**hole, what do I care what she does or thinks?' And then your in-laws will become what they should have been all along—your husband's problem not yours.. NTA

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horsendogguy − NTA, but boy did you marry a jerk. I don't know many others who would have waited until everyone left before flipping out. I'd have taken the food they complained about off the table, wrapped it up, put it in the refrigerator,

and asked if there was anything else not quite up to their standards so i could remove it as well. If asked, I'd have told them the food was to be donated to a shelter. Anyone want to call out for a pizza? Hubby, you don't mind making the call and the run, right?

furriosity − NTA. You don't have to invite anyone into your house who brings drama and criticism that you didn't ask for. A polite guest is gracious about a free meal, even if it's not 100% to their liking. Your husband put you on the spot, didn't defend you to his family, and then minimized your concerns when you told him how it made you feel.

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glitchy_bot − Oh dear God, why are you with him? They b**ch about your cooking and you're supposed to suck it up and keep doing it anyway? In what universe is this okay?. NTA, and tell the whole fam to get bent.. Also, you dropped these: 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is insane, not only the constant nagging from the family, but the lack of support from your husband. When he married you, you should have become his number one priority, and when y’all had kids, they should have been included in that.

Now, he forces you to drive hours to go see family that I’m sure you’re not super thrilled to see, and when you get there, you’re made to do manual labor while other people just sit around? that alone causes enough issues for me, even besides the lack of integrity to stand up to his mother. extreme nta, good luck.

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These Redditors didn’t mince words, cheering the OP’s stand and roasting her husband’s loyalty fumble. Some urged her to ditch cooking entirely for this crew, while others waved red flags about deeper issues. But do their spicy takes nail the whole story, or are they just fanning the flames?

This saga of a criticized cook and an unsupportive spouse is a raw reminder that respect starts at home. The OP’s decision to close her door to rude guests feels like a mic drop, but it leaves us wondering how she’ll navigate the fallout. Family dinners should warm the heart, not break it—so where do you stand on this kitchen showdown? Have you ever faced in-law drama or a partner who didn’t have your back? Share your stories—what would you do in the OP’s shoes?

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