AITA for telling my friend that she needs a life of her own and she has to stop leeching off of mine?

A young woman’s phone buzzes in a cozy coffee shop, revealing a text that ignites her fury. Her long-time friend, always shadowing her every move, has flirted with the guy she’s dating. For this 25-year-old, it’s the breaking point in a friendship that feels like a one-sided obsession.

This Reddit tale of blurred boundaries unfolds with raw emotion, as the OP confronts her friend’s invasive habits—copying hobbies, crashing family events, and now meddling in her love life. Was her sharp response justified? Let’s dive in.

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‘AITA for telling my friend that she needs a life of her own and she has to stop leeching off of mine?’

Hi, my (25F) long-term friend (25F) has a history of doing whatever it is that I'm interested at the moment. She asks questions until she's got a clear idea of what music/books/movies I'm into and then does a whole act of how she 'discovered' that in front of the whole friend group.

Being the pushover that I am, I'm sad to say I've let her do this for sometime, while slowly trying to put some distance between us. This also extends to people, any new friend or even acquaintance I make should be cleared with her, and then she makes a (friend) move on them to get closer to them.

She has even tried to weasel her way into my family gatherings and private events. She also for some reason keeps telling my dad that she's like the daughter he would have wanted?? (He's as confused as I am but we learned to laugh it off). I've recently noticed that she is rarely interested in something of her own volition.

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All her leads are from me. I have been getting tired of her behavior for a while. Things came to a head a few months ago when she started texting a guy (27M) I've been speaking to for a while (went on a few dates, nothing serious as of now but Im hoping there would be) and telling him how compatible they could be

He was confused and thought it was me texting from her phone so he double checked with me. I ofcourse was beyond angry, but instead of confronting her immediately, I told him to ask her why she is doing this and if she was aware that him and I were almost a thing.

Her response to him was to flirt even further and say that her and I always had similar taste but went on to mention how he might be better off with her. He sent me the screenshots and I sent them to her and said 'you need to leave me alone. Things in my life are not for grabs.

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You have leeched off of me for long enough. If you keep this up, I won't have an issue shaming you in our friend group' She got very standoffish and accused me of 'tricking' her by using the guy's phone to 'make her look bad', she also proceeded to speak badly of me to our friend group.

I might be the a**hole cause all this while other than trying to keep some distance between us, I did not properly voice my concerns. She did however, notice my discomfort at various occasions (especially my family gatherings).. So AITA for handling things this way?

This story screams boundary violation, like a neighbor borrowing your lawnmower and keeping it. The OP’s friend isn’t just inspired—she’s trying to become her. Dr. Lindsay Bira, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Healthy friendships thrive on mutual respect and space for individuality, not competition or imitation.” The friend’s mimicry likely stems from insecurity, but flirting with the OP’s love interest crosses into betrayal.

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This reflects a broader issue: toxic friendships. Studies suggest most adults encounter a friend who oversteps boundaries, often due to low self-esteem or identity struggles. The OP’s delay in confronting her friend is common—nobody wants to torch a long-term bond.

Her eventual stand, though harsh, was needed. Moving forward, she could set clear limits, like sharing less about her life, or distance herself if the behavior persists.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crew brought the heat, serving opinions spicier than a chili cook-off. Here’s what they had to say about this boundary-busting friend.

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FishScrumptious − NTA Yes, you \*could\* have said something sooner. But this is obviously inappropriate behavior, and you have good reason to suspect she has known that all along and isn't a hopelessly oblivious amoeba.

IsThatMarcy − NTA. Share the screenshots with your friend group immediately, create a group chat with everyone except her and put them out there. She sounds disturbed, like she thinks she can somehow replace you in everyone else's eyes. Now that she knows she has been caught in a betrayal she's got nothing to lose. She might tell lies to get people to cut you off, telling them the truth with evidence is the best way to preserve your own relationships.

valerian_spiel − NTA. But I'm not sure you understand what 'friend' means, because this girl isn't one. Yes, you were a bit harsh, but I can understand your frustration. Her behavior is beyond steamrolling your boundaries- it's outright disturbing.

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Brave_Hat34 − NTA it seems like she’s trying to replace you or something. I’d cut her out of everything. Don’t let her know what’s going on in your life anymore because she sounds kinda insane, especially with the comment with your dad and the dude you’re seeing. I would stop talking to her, she’s bad news.

A good friend wouldn’t cross boundaries like that, even if you didn’t properly voice your concerns, there are still lines for any decent person to see that you don’t cross. And if she uses you two being long term friends as a guilt trip, that’s just her trying to keep you tied up so she can continue leeching off of you and get in the way of your life. I hope this makes sense and I wish you luck!

LitheXD − NTA, but you should have just pretended to be in to something really awkward and shameful before this incident. Definitely mislead her from now on, if you guys continue to be friends. I wouldn't, but I'm not you.

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SailorSolstice − NTA. I wouldn’t say I’d “shame” her to the group, but I’d definitely tell them what she was trying to get up to. If you’d be ashamed of your friend group finding out about something, you probably shouldn’t do it.

Legitimate-Review-56 − NTA. She isn't your friend, she has a Cluster B personality disorder and is trying to take over your life. Get far away from her, buy better locks, and invest in self defense. This situation can turn dangerous quick. Lifetime should have a few movies on this subject.

calaakla − NTA I had a friend like this. Notice I say *had* We did the same thing for a living for a while and she literally asked someone who was complimenting me on my work, 'What about me?' Slept with every guy I did, exes as well. There is no dealing with these people other than NC.

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paytenbeee − NTA I recently had a friend who would try and integrate herself in every part of my life... needless to say we are no longer friends. I recommend you stay away from her and avoid her at all costs for your sake. You are your own person, and with her constantly doing this screams of something deeper going on than just someone thinking your hobbies are cool :/

ben_burnache − I don't understand how you haven't gotten seriously into clown makeup, or fermented fish, or Pauly Shore movies.

These Reddit takes are fiery, but do they nail the truth? Is this friend a harmless copycat or a full-on identity thief? The reality’s messy, but one thing’s clear: friendships shouldn’t feel like a takeover.

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This drama begs the question: when does a friend’s admiration become obsession? The OP’s bold move reclaimed her space, but it stirred up a storm. Have you ever had to confront a friend who got too close? What would you do in this mess? Share your thoughts below!

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