AITA for telling my friend I don’t care about the gender of her baby?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy coffee shop, two friends catch up, but the air grows tense when Kate, pregnant with her second child, flashes a familiar mischievous grin. Her history of turning her baby’s gender into a secretive game left her friend, a busy schoolteacher, exasperated during her first pregnancy. Now, Kate’s hinting at another round of mystery, and her friend’s patience is wearing thin.

The teacher’s playful yet pointed remark—“I don’t stay awake wondering about your baby’s gender”—lands with a thud, souring their chat. This Reddit tale captures a relatable clash of excitement and irritation, where one friend’s enthusiasm feels like a spotlight on herself. It’s a lively peek into the quirks of friendship and the boundaries we draw when someone else’s joy feels like a burden.

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‘AITA for telling my friend I don’t care about the gender of her baby?’

My friend Kate (26F) is pregnant with her second child, and to be honest she drove me (29F) absolutely insane when it came to the “secret gender” of her unborn baby the first time around. She was planning a big reveal with a party for friends and family, but she seemed to be obsessed with me not knowing over everyone else.

Like, she whispered it to several family members when I was standing right next to her once and just gave me this big grin when I asked if I could know as well. After that I refused to ever ask lol. I’m a school teacher, and when I was pulled for a meeting one day, she went into my classroom (we work together)

And told my entire class of second graders the gender and made them promise not to tell me. This is when I started to wonder why she was singling me out in this way and I remember going home to my husband and telling him it was really weird.

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Whenever we would talk about baby stuff (I was also pregnant at that time and openly shared that I was having a girl), she would always stop herself mid-sentence when we were discussing anything gender-related because she “almost slipped”.

It’s like she thought I spent every waking moment obsessing over the gender, as if I didn’t have my own future baby to think about. Well, she had her big reveal for her little boy and I was there to support her even though it had annoyed me to no end.

I was extremely glad it was over with. Fast forward to the other day… she told me she was pregnant again. And she got that same weird grin on her face and said that they’re not doing a gender reveal this time, that they’re keeping the gender a secret until the baby is born.

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I couldn’t help it. I rolled my eyes and said something along the lines of, “I’m not doing this again. I don’t stay awake at night wondering what gender your baby is.” I said it in a somewhat playful tone.

But she definitely looked offended and hasn’t talked to me about anything baby-related since. My husband and mom think I’m the AH because she’s just excited. I think I had to say it lest I spend the next 9 months of my life irritated as all hell.

Friendships can strain under the weight of one person’s enthusiasm, and Kate’s gender secrecy game pushed her friend to a breaking point. The teacher’s blunt comment, born of past frustration, was a bid to set boundaries after Kate’s first pregnancy turned into a saga of teasing and exclusion. Kate’s antics—whispering to others, roping second graders into her secret—felt personal, making her friend feel singled out.

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This dynamic reflects a broader issue: pregnancy can amplify self-focus, straining friendships. A 2020 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 45% of expectant mothers report increased sensitivity to friends’ reactions, often misreading disinterest as rejection. Kate’s fixation on secrecy may stem from wanting control over her narrative, but her friend’s irritation highlights how such behavior can alienate others.

Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Friendships thrive on mutual respect, not one-sided games” (Psychology Today). Kate’s teasing assumed her friend was as invested, ignoring her own pregnancy and responsibilities. The teacher’s eye-roll and retort, though sharp, aimed to reset expectations, but its playful tone may have misfired, leaving Kate stung.

To mend this, the teacher could acknowledge Kate’s excitement while reinforcing her need for less drama. Dr. Levine suggests honest, calm talks to realign friendships. Moving forward, both could agree on how to share pregnancy joys without turning it into a performance. This story shows how enthusiasm, unchecked, can test even close bonds. (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 2020, Psychology Today)

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s response was a hearty nod to the teacher’s frustration, with users calling her bluntness justified after Kate’s odd behavior. Commenters found Kate’s secrecy game—especially involving a classroom of kids—bizarre and self-absorbed, agreeing that her friend wasn’t obligated to play along. They saw the teacher’s remark as a fair pushback against being dragged into another round of theatrics, with many chuckling at her relatable exasperation.

The community also noted Kate’s sensitivity as typical pregnancy-fueled intensity, but stressed that her friend’s life didn’t revolve around her baby’s gender. Some shared their own tales of friends turning milestones into spectacles, reinforcing that setting boundaries is key. Reddit’s verdict leaned heavily toward the teacher, viewing her honesty as a necessary reality check for a friend caught up in her own hype.

Full_Pace7666 − Blunt but I can’t say I blame you. I was reading this wondering if there was some reason she was reluctant to share the gender with you over family or whatever, until I got to where she *told all of your students*. She had no reason to do that. Very weird behavior.. NTA

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Jouvuilhond − Yep.. like really who gives a F.. when did this idiotic gender reveal party crap actually start anyway

GroovyYaYa − I would have said something when she convinced a classroom of second graders to keep a secret from a trusted adult... a secret that did not involve a gift for said adult.

Salty_Thing3144 − NTA. She sounds very self-absorbed and doesn't understand that the rest of the world is not fascinated by her reproductive choices. 

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Variable_Cost − Your friend is bizarre.

North_Lingonberry_88 − Nta. It's either a boy or girl and even then, it can grow up and change that. Who f**king cares.

Bunny_Bixler99 − 'I don't care about gender of your kid. I *am* curious, though, about the species.' 

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Gen-Xwmn − Girl you are WAY nicer than I would have been, just to have said it playfully. Your mom and husband are not in your shoes, just drop it with them and be glad you don’t have to listen to this bizarrely self involved person for the next nine months. Her behavior WAS weird, and not in a nice way. That’s why your spidey senses went off. Trust them and distance yourself from her, I say good riddance.

Carelesscuteness − **NTA** — You weren’t mean, just honest (and a little playful). It sounds like she made the last pregnancy weirdly competitive and stressful for no reason. You’re allowed to set a boundary if she’s going to make it a big dramatic thing again. It’s *her* choice to be secretive, but you don’t have to pretend to care more than you actually do

WhiteKnightPrimal − NTA. I mean, sure you could have waited to see if she did the same thing this time as she did last time and then said something, but she has a history of singling you out over baby gender, and the grin reminded you of last time, so I can completely understand why you said what you did.

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She needed to know that her baby's gender was important to her, but not to you. Honestly, most people outside the parents, and sometimes even the parents themselves, really don't care about gender. It's not their baby, and a lot of parents only care that they'll be alive and healthy.

It really shouldn't be as much a surprise or big deal as it is to some parents when people who are not the parents of their child, not even family, don't care about this stuff. Your friend is childish and playing some weird game around her child's gender with you, that you put a stop to

So now she's being extra childish with the distance and refusing to talk baby stuff with a fellow parent at all. Just leave her to it, she'll find some other so-called friend to annoy with this stuff, but she needed to know that she wasn't having the effect she wanted - you staying up late into the night obsessing over her baby.

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This pregnancy-fueled friendship flap, sparked by a secretive grin and a sharp retort, is a vivid reminder that enthusiasm can sometimes overstep. The teacher’s stand against another gender mystery was a bid for peace, but it left her friend bruised. Have you ever had to draw a line with an overly excited friend, or navigated pregnancy drama? Share your stories—what’s your take on this baby gender showdown?

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