AITA for telling my fiancé I will not babysit his daughter while he goes hunting?
A 32-year-old woman relocated hours away from her home, friends, and family to live with her 38-year-old fiancé at his insistence. Nine months in, she’s handling all housework, cooking, shopping, and childcare for his son—while sleeping on the couch when his 8-year-old daughter visits because he hasn’t told the girl they’re together.
When he plans another full-day hunting trip during the daughter’s weekend stay, she announces she’s heading home instead of babysitting alone. He explodes, accusing her of how she’ll act “when married,” leaving her questioning if she’s wrong for drawing the line.
‘AITA for telling my fiancé I will not babysit his daughter while he goes hunting?’
She maintained her own place in another town but moved in after he pushed for closeness:
He routinely spends entire Sundays hunting, often incommunicado:
She details the broader imbalance:
Early romance has faded into distance and occasional manipulation:
Cultural pressure and guilt keep her stuck:
Relocating for a partner only to face emotional withdrawal and unequal labor often signals classic isolation tactics. The sudden affection when she mentions leaving fits love-bombing patterns—intermittent reinforcement that keeps hope alive while maintaining control. Hiding the relationship from his child after nine months isn’t “slow”; it’s keeping options open and devaluing her role.
Financial and domestic exploitation compounds the issue: she funds the household, manages childcare, and sacrifices her support network while receiving minimal appreciation or partnership. His hunting absences without communication show disregard for her worry, prioritizing hobby over relationship maintenance.
Cultural shame around multiple partners can trap women in unhealthy dynamics, especially when weaponized by the partner. The intermittent “nice” phases exploit sunk-cost thinking and nostalgia for the early romance. Refusing unpaid solo childcare sets a healthy boundary—babysitting his daughter isn’t her obligation, particularly when denied basic status in the family.
Leaving permanently may feel impossible due to stigma, but staying risks deeper resentment and erasure of self. Therapy (individual first, couples only if safe), rebuilding independent finances/housing, and reconnecting with support networks offer paths forward. She deserves reciprocity, respect, and introduction as partner—not secret live-in help.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Everyone unanimously declares her NTA for refusing babysitting duty, with most urging her to leave the exploitative relationship entirely:
Across the board, the community sees no fault in refusing to babysit—it’s his child, his plans, his responsibility. The real concern focuses on why she’s tolerating the secrecy, isolation, and one-sided labor in an engagement.
These hidden-partner stories always prompt the same hard look—when does “taking it slow” become permanent devaluation? Is the occasional affection worth trading independence and respect, or is packing up and heading home the wake-up call needed?
