AITA for telling my daughter that I’m not walking her down the aisle twice?

Jonathan Hours
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A father stands at a wedding’s edge, heart torn between love and principle. His daughter, glowing with unconventional devotion, plans to wed two men—one in a legal vow, another in a heartfelt pledge. Her bold vision of love clashes with his belief in marriage’s sanctity, turning joy into conflict. His refusal to walk her down both aisles has ignited a family firestorm.

This Reddit tale pulses with modern romance and traditional values. The daughter’s polyamorous dream challenges her father’s boundaries, stirring readers’ hearts. With humor and heat, we dive into a story where love’s new forms meet old-school conviction, sparking a debate on family and fidelity.

‘AITA for telling my daughter that I’m not walking her down the aisle twice?’

My daughter has two boyfriends and she wants to marry both of them. Obviously, according to state laws, that would be illegal. So, she wants to marry one in an unofficial ceremony, and then marry the other one in an official ceremony the next day. My daughter asked me to walk her down the aisle at both events. At first, I said I'm not going. To me, it's a mockery of marriage.

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I thought about it and I told my daughter that I'd walk her down the aisle at *one* event and that the man she was marrying on that day would be my son-in-law. She chose the unofficial ceremony, but then the man she was supposed to marry officially eventually got mad because we weren't treating him like a son-in-law.. Now my daughter is pestering me to walk her down both aisles, but I refused.

This father-daughter standoff isn’t just about aisles—it’s a clash of generational and relational values. The daughter’s polyamorous commitment challenges her father’s view of marriage as singular and sacred. Relationship therapist Esther Perel notes, “Love evolves with society; accepting non-traditional relationships requires flexibility” (Esther Perel). The father’s refusal to walk twice reflects his discomfort, but his partial compromise shows a struggle to balance personal beliefs with love for his daughter.

Polyamory, though niche, is growing: a 2021 YouGov poll found 4% of Americans have engaged in consensual non-monogamy (YouGov). The daughter’s dual ceremonies aim to honor both partners, but the father’s selective participation risks alienating one, fueling tension. His stance mirrors a broader societal debate: how do we respect evolving family structures without erasing tradition?

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The father’s boundary—acknowledging one son-in-law—prioritizes his values but dismisses the trio’s mutual commitment. Perel advises open dialogue to bridge such gaps, suggesting families discuss intentions behind unconventional choices. The daughter’s persistence and the official groom’s frustration highlight a need for mutual respect, not ultimatums.

Advice: The father could propose a single ceremony where he walks her down, honoring her love without endorsing both marriages. Family counseling might help align their values.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crowd served up a smorgasbord of takes, from fiery defenses to empathetic nudges, as varied as a wedding buffet. Here’s what they tossed into the mix:

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MountainCityDweller − NAH.. So is your daughter in a poly relationship, then? You don't have to walk her down the aisle for both ceremonies, but consider it. I can say that if I were in a poly relationship, though, my family would never know about it. I can guarantee that my family would never support a double marriage/ double partnership/ thruple type situation.

And, if you want to preserve your relationship with your daughter, and both of these are serious relationships that your daughter believes are long term (which it sounds like she believes they are), then you may want to find a way to accept the two men that your daughter has decided to spend her life with, and her relationship with them.

JustheBean − YTA but only in this sense. Your decision not to support her will not change her mind, it will not make her agree with you, it will only hurt your relationship with your daughter. She loves two men, and she will quickly grow to resent you treating one of them poorly. You don’t have to like it, you don’t even need to understand it tbh.

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You just have to try your best to keep your opinions to yourself and treat both men like you would your daughters close friends when she was growing up. It’s time to decide what’s more important to you, your standard of marriage, or your relationship with your child.

Edit: This has blown up a bit, thank you so much for the awards. For everyone freaking out in the comments, this is not intended as an attack on OP. This is very much a situation that could go many ways judgement wise. Personally I like when this forum isn’t an echo chamber. Please try not to take everything said on this sub personally!

janess84 − INFO - If she has children from her union, are you going to demand a DNA test and treat them differently because one or more are the man you consider your SIL and one or more are from the one you don't?

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Are you willing to have her cut ties with you over this? Both men love her and she loves them. You are not the AH for not wanting to walk her down the aisle twice, but either do it twice or not at all. Either treat both men as you daughter's partners, or prepare to lose her.

Servantofbosco − Hahahaha. NTA. Dad, you don’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. Daughter doesn’t have to like it. On the other hand, the daughter *is* of legal age, I presume? She can be in a poly relationship if she wants to, and *you* don’t have to like it. Another question, though...who is footing the bill for all these ceremonies?

alvarkresh − YTA. This isn't about what you want; it's about her wanting to include you in a ceremony that's important to the two people she's in love with. Yeah, poly is like ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ to me mainly cause logistics WTF but I'm not the one in a poly relationship so it's no skin off my nose if someone else is in a poly relationship.

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erstwhile02 − NTA. Why doesn't she just consolidate the 2 ceremonies and only have 1 sign the marriage certificate?

Delta_Rae_Flowers − INFO: Have they all been together for a long time? Is everyone in the throuple okay with the arrangement? If so, you have the right to refuse to walk her down the aisle but I wouldn’t unless you want to estrange your daughter

BenjaminaPugsington − NTA, you stated your boundaries she doesn't have to agree with them. This assumes you are still polite to her side dude ofcourse.

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OneMikeNation − NAH: you have your values and you are allowed to have them. It doesn't seem like you saying you won't support the relationship just not the ceremony. If this cause a disagreement between her husbands that's something they need to work out.

JudgmentDeus − I've never seen responses this varied.

These Reddit reactions are a lively bunch, but do they untangle the knot of tradition versus love? Is it about principle or pride?

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This wedding tale weaves a tapestry of love, loyalty, and limits. The father’s refusal to walk two aisles defends his view of marriage, but risks fraying his bond with his daughter, whose heart beats for two. Reddit’s split verdict mirrors the complexity of modern love clashing with tradition. If your child chose an unconventional path, how would you show support without compromising your values? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this ceremony lively!

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